read: what am i doing?

I’m not sure where I’m going with this mostly because for all the education I’ve received and all the books I’ve read, I just don’t have the words to express what I’m trying to say. Language is difficult and it truly illustrates the saying, “the more you know, the more you don’t know” (or something to that effect because in all honesty I am very bad at these things but! I digress)

The point is, if I’ve been using words that are better placed in essays rather than speech and have been spouting convoluted sentence structures, it’s because my readings have (finally) consumed me. I have a habit of reflecting the language I read in my speech patterns and my writing. A friend called it “code-switching” to Weber (specifically because another friend and I were presenting on Weber this week so #overexposure to this work) and I think that’s a great phrase to describe my current uphill struggle with the language. I don’t know what I’m saying half the time and everything just comes out unnecessarily complicated, so if you’ve dealt with it in the past week and come out unscathed you deserve a medal, and I swear I’m not being sarcastic.

My capacities for language are so inadequate that I never have the words to say what I want to say, so even with all the kind things that people have done for me I don’t know what else to do but thank them and dumbly nod. I don’t want to, but my brain refuses to string together sentences and somehow ‘thank you’ never seems enough.