Me Fix Me
Muddy mind
Muddy eyes
Everything seems so messy I
Ask why I
Even try to try
Thoughts are always all over the place
I always find myself in the middle of a chase
For my sanity
As if I’m always in calamity
Some level of depravity
That I can’t trace
Look in the mirror and feel too stupid to even safe face
At times I look inside and seem to make a good case
To not feel this paranoia
The anxiety’s an annoyance
Of course everybody thinks that, there’s really nothing new
But the pointlessness of these feelings is my main cause of issue
Which is why even though that inner voice speaks the truth
I feel sorry for myself despite the abundance of the proof
I have great friends
There are no sympathies being lent
No false care being sent
I’m sure it’s just my mindset
Is that something I can change though?
Have I let myself get too low?
Maybe these questions are what’s sticking me in this crappy mold
I know it’s time to be bold
On that I’m pretty sold
And I do quite well till my brain forgets that its already been told
To stop
And in that case I plop
Right back into the place where my efforts flop
I gotta calm myself down
Get rid of this frown
But maybe I need some help in my efforts to get off the ground
This isn’t very profound
Yet for failure I’m bound
Unless I look myself in the face and remind me of the sound
Of self-affirmation
Repetition means persuasion
The project only works if its shape gets a facelift
I have to reorient, learn to prioritize for real
Can’t get hung up on stupid stuff like who I’m with for my meal
Make my heart hard like steel
Once again refuse to peel
Because in that frame of reference is my only real shield
Letting my guard down is the reason
I experience sadness season
Year-round
Unbound
I’m always so tightly wound
Because of it, what gives?
But is there a me that really lives?
Seems I’m too worried to dive in
Afraid the water will go way past my chin
That I’ll drown in the aftermath of having emotion
And this fear keeps me numb
When I act on it some
People tell me to forget about it because my precautions are dumb
They’re probably right too
Having friends is nice, true
But with them comes the worry that I’ll again end up blue
The central question for me
The answer for which I plea
Is whether I’ll ever manage to actually see
How my existence should shape up
If I’ll forever have to play dress up
But for that to happen I have to work on a whole ‘nother level
Get ready to make some noise like I’m steam in a hot kettle
Make sure my effort is solid like the world’s hardest metal
Problem is, I don’t really know how
The idea is really great and I’m sure it’d make mom proud
And I can wave it like a flag and pretend to be loud
But that won’t change the fact that when it’s over I’ll feel exactly how I do now
Please help me, I barely know who you are, or why you’re even listening
But I’m running out of options, and the bulb in my mind is about to stop glistening
Please help me, I don’t understand why the hell you’re still listening
I’m running out of options, and I can’t tell if my light is even shimmering
