There’s a feeling I’ve been trying to regain that I had in abundance as a child, as a teenager and into my twenties. But somewhere in the last few year it faded away. Perhaps it evaporated when my mom died, or when being a father of two became my every day, or when my first feature film didn’t do as well as I had hoped. The last month or so I’ve been trying to put my finger on it. This feeling that’s evaporated with adulthood. A little endorphin dose response to being present and centered and lonely and and in tune. Reading this article a couple of days ago I was thrilled to find this old familiar feeling bubbling up. Perhaps the feeling is a direct response to embracing being a nobody. As a child I used to wake up every day starring in an imaginary film about my life. Looking back I thought I was trying to be a star. Now I suddenly wonder if the film of my childhood was only intended for an audience of one and it’s only in adulthood that I’ve lensed it differently.
Thank you for this insightful piece. I’m very happy to have a way back into feeling.