A Girl Who Knows (A Short Story: Part 2 of 3)
WISDOM
When she got home Maisha washed her face and made sure that no one could tell that she was crying. Juni was still eating the mangoes and her father was outside packing bananas into his truck. Maisha asked if her father was going to the market to sell them. But her mother told her that he was going to her grandfather’s place and that he needed her help to fix some of grandpa’s torn tshirts. She was a good knitter and fixed everyone’s clothes.
Maisha didn’t want to go. She didn’t want to be far from Shetto after what had happened but she couldn’t tell anyone about them because she didn’t want any trouble. So she helped her father load the bananas into the back of his truck and soon the two of them were driving down a red dirt road on their way to grandpa who lived at the top of a hill.
As they drove Maisha leaned her head against the window, bored. Her father was talking about Juni’s behaviour and talent for breaking things and she wasn’t interested in hearing about that. They always complained about Juni and she felt bad about that, and didn’t want to hear more of it.
“But you know what,” her father said, “Juni is going to grow up to be a good man. He’s doing all this foolish stuff and making his mistakes when he’s still very young. He’s getting it all out. So when he’s older he won’t be hungry for foolish things. He’ll be a very good man.”
Maisha turned to her father because that sounded really interesting to her. She didn’t make many mistakes growing up. She was their perfect daughter. “Does that mean I’ll be a bad girl in my future?”
Her father laughed, “Not if you stay the way you are. But you have to stop giving Juni so many mangoes. He gets full before lunch and dinner and doesn’t get his vegetables.”
Maisha agreed and said she won’t. But she knew she probably would if Juni was having a rough day, and those days came often.
When they got to grandpa’s house they unloaded the bananas and carried them into the kitchen. Grandpa said hi from the door and went back in to sit down, being too old to offer much help.
After unloading all the bananas Maisha was tired so they went in and had some water and then some cooked beans and rice.
Her grandmother lay some clothes on a chair. “These ones need knitting,” she said to Maisha, placing a needle and thread on top of them. Then she walked out to tend to the cattle. Her grandmother didn’t smile much. She had a busy face all the time and was always doing something outside with animals or cooking in the kitchen.
Grandpa told Maisha’s father that grandma wanted to speak to him, so he went out with his meal to talk to grandma in the fields.
Maisha was left alone with her grandfather as they sat on a carpet, eating lunch.
“You aren’t happy today,” he said.
Maisha shrugged. “Not my day.”
“Did something happen?”
“No,” she said.
He looked up and studied her. “You’re lying. You’re lying. Something happened. And you are also hiding something else.”
Maisha started to feel the chills. She kept looking at her plate to hide her face.
“You have a man that you love,” he said. “And you have already slept with him.”
Maisha looked up, alarmed.
“Please don’t tell my father.”
Her grandpa laughed and scooped some rice and beans with his hands to eat. “I don’t need to tell anyone anything. Have you forgotten that’s he’s my child?”
Maisha sighed. She drank some water and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “How did you know? Did he come here to ask you if he could marry me?”
“No one has talked to me about you. I just know. I’ve been around for long enough. I just know.”
“How do you know I’ve already been with him?” said Maisha.
He laughed again. “When a young girl ceases to be a virgin. She changes. She starts to walk differently. My eyes are still working well enough for me to see. The way you walk today, you did not walk like this two months ago. It is subtle but I can tell. I’ve known you for a long time. So tell me what is troubling you?”
Maisha sighed. They were alone. So she decided to tell him about Shetto fighting with the stranger at the dump and then running away from her.
She told him she didn’t know why he did that and thought he was mad at her because he was doing things for her.
Her grandpa shook her head, “He’s going though a hard time. He wanted you to leave not just because he wanted you to be safe, he didn’t want you to see him get beaten. Because then, he starts to question his manhood. He starts to doubt if he can really protect you. And how can he believe that he can do that, if he can’t even protect himself?”
“But it’s not his fault,” said Maisha. “The other one attacked him from behind.”
Grandpa shook his head again, “It doesn’t matter. His self-esteem as a man is still crushed. And he’s ashamed to even look at you. That’s why he ran away. Because when he looks at you, he will only think of how less of a man he is. He’s not mad at you for anything. And he’s not even mad at the man who beat him up. He’s upset with himself.”
Maisha scratched her head. She had never thought of it that way.
“A man needs to protect and provide. That is how he shows his love and care. If he fails at any of those two things, he feels like he is nothing.”
“So what should I do?”
“Just tell him that you still love him. Nothing more. He has to come to terms with what has happened and accept it. You can try to help him do that, but you can’t do that for him.” Her grandpa looked out the window and saw that her father was still speaking to her grandmother. “We have some more time to talk. Your father says you are finishing the mangoes on the tree on account of your little brother.”
Maisha smiled broadly and blushed. “Yes. He loves mangoes a lot. And it always makes him feel good. And I always want him to be happy.”
“That is nice. But that is also very dangerous. You are mixing for him a sweet poison.”
Maisha looked at her grandfather. “I don’t understand.”
“If you keep giving him mangoes after he feels bad for doing something wrong, then you make him feel good that the wrong thing happened. The next time his brain will find a way to do something wrong again because he’s going to get a food reward and he’s going to feel happy. And those are two things the body loves.”
“So he’s doing this on purpose?” said Maisha.
“Not at all. Juni is not doing it on purpose. But his brain is doing it on purpose. Stop feeding him mangoes after he does bad things and do it only when he’s been good for the whole day. And then Juni will stop breaking things in the house.”
Maisha suddenly felt sad. “So this is my fault! I wish I had known what I was doing!”
“Don’t feel bad. Many parents make the same mistake. Especially mothers.”
“Why mothers? You feel special because you are a man?” Maisha asked.
Her grandpa laughed. “Not at all. Mothers are different. They are nurturing and they love to give. More importantly, they enjoy giving life to things. If a man has a house a woman will turn it into a home. If there is vegetables a woman will make a meal. A woman will always love to transform anything around her or anything that a man gives her into something much more beautiful, because she is beautiful and beauty and life are inside her. So when you see your brother sad, you are quick to lift him up and return his life to him. And then you will say he his happy. But a man will look at what you have done and he would not have done the same thing. The connection from the brain to the heart is very strong in a woman. And she has it that way for a reason. But a man is different. His heart and his brain aren’t strongly connected as the woman, so he will think differently. He will not give the life back to the child so quickly, for the child needs to understand why what he did was wrong, which takes time. And the man will not feel sorry about the child’s sadness because his heart is not able to tell him very easily. So he won’t be moved by the lack of life in the child.”
Maisha nodded her head. “I think that is true. My father likes to give me many rules. And my mother allows things more. But my friends say the opposite happens at their house sometimes.”
“That is possible,” said grandpa. “But that balance will have to do with the dynamic between the father and the mother. While the woman is a life giver and a cultivator, the man is a civilizer and a trimmer, a maintainer. You will see that children without a father lack discipline and get into trouble in the world a lot more because they weren’t civilized by a father. And if the world civilizes you it does so harshly. Therefore a woman needs to be careful when choosing a man. She needs a man who will stay and help her raise her children. A man who knows how to treat his wife, a man with standards.”
“Alright,” said Maisha. “But a lot of men are liars and uncommitted and disrespectful and some don’t listen to what their wives have to say.”
“That is because the women are not setting the standards. Many men learn discipline from their fathers, not their mothers. Their mothers gave them life and comfort. So when a man is with a woman he does not expect to receive discipline from her. But that is exactly what the woman must do. Set the standards.”
“But why would he want to follow my standards?”
“When a man truly wants a woman. He desires nothing more than her in the whole world. By having standards you cut out the ones who won’t please you and who don’t truly love you. And have good standards, not unreasonable ones. Some of you women want a man to kiss your feet. Set good and honourable standards because he will be the father of your children. And if he himself cannot follow good standards, then what discipline is he able to pass on to your children?”
“Okay. But why should women have to set standards for men?”
Grandpa laughed, “Look at the world and tell me if you have a choice.”
Maisha laughed. Her grandpa continued, “Wisdom loves to live inside a woman’s body. She is not aggressive and arrogant as a man and so she will have a more caring heart. So it is easier for her to live wisely. That is why you will always see more women in church than men. The wisdom in a woman will travel between her brain and her heart very easily so she will have both knowledge and understanding. And when she speaks wise things, her man will be made to respect her.”
“But some men don’t like it when we talk.”
“At times. Sometimes it is how women say things that make a man mad. A man never wants to feel stupid in front of his woman. That will hurt his ego. And will make him feel like he isn’t smart enough to take care of her. If you are with a man like that, then say things as a suggestion and ask what he thinks of your idea. Be wise when you speak to him. Also, remember there are times when he will be right even though you aren’t sure. So don’t be stubborn to hear what he has to say too. Some of you good women can be stubborn. And there are those who listen to everything the man says too much. Those women are seeking the father that they never had.”
“Oh. I didn’t consider that. That makes me sad.”
“It is something we forget to consider. We never leave our childhood behind us. It shapes who we are and who we want to be with. Everyone must understand themselves as a child to fully understand themselves as an adult. For the child is in the adult and the adult is in the child. And to know the one you love you must ask them about their childhood.”
Maisha nodded. “That is very true. But what about wisdom. Where shall a girl learn wisdom so that a man respects her? Especially if her parents have not taught her anything?”
“Speak to your grandparents as you do now. We are smarter than your parents. We’ve been around for a long time. I am 155 years of age now. In the old days we used to be able to live beyond four hundred years and many came close to a thousand. But our days have been cut short by the spirit of life because the wicked ones lived many years as well and learned many things and did many bad things with the knowledge they had.”
“So if we die younger now does that help the world?”
“Not much. At least the wicked ones are gone soon. But the young ones are also wicked. So wickedness does remain. And children are increasingly disrespectful to their parents. Parents cannot raise children by themselves for they are also too young. Children need to see their grandparents and their great grandparents and in the old days children were able to play with their great great great great ancestors. So these children grew up with a holistic and healthy respect of where they came from. It was more meaningful to acknowledge your parents and ancestors because they were there. And the ancestors passed down much knowledge and many more lessons to the children, so the children became very wise and understood many things. But because the elders are cut off, most of them before a hundred years, many of you walk on the earth with no wisdom. The roots do not nourish the children, and when they grow, they will pass on seeds with even less nourishment. That is why evil multiplies in the earth with each generation. We are affected by misunderstandings and stress and lies and mistreatments and poor eating habits and all these make our days short. We will not be able to live to beyond four hundred years again until we respect the spirit of life and live by its laws. And because it is women who bring forth life, women must understand the spirit of life and what it says. Truth is what sustains life. And wisdom is the spirit of life. So women must have wisdom. It is not an option. Because women bring forth the world from their wombs.”
“Okay grandpa. But where can a girl go and find the spirit of life that she may be able to understand it and understand wisdom? Since most of our ancestors are asleep and you are lucky to have 155 years.”
“A woman is a life-giver. But she will be a wise life-giver by the kind of life that she first gives to herself.”
Maisha cocked her head because she did not understand what he could be referring to. “And how does a woman give herself life? Is it by praying?”
And her grandpa said, “That is one part of it. But what I was going to say is the life you give yourself is in the food that you bring to your mouth,” he pointed to her plate and then at her belly. “If you have good life inside of you, then you are wise. The attitude you have towards the life you give yourself will reflect in the life you choose to live. But you must be intentional about learning from nature. For just like a classroom of students, there are many who will sleep through the lesson. Know that you are learning and you will learn what to know. Understanding does not come without intent.”
Right then Maisha’s father returned to the house. Maisha was done with her meal and it was time for them to leave. She quickly knit her grandpa’s torn clothes while thinking of what he taught her. Maisha said thank you to her grandparents for the food and what she had learned from them and followed her father to the truck. At the door her grandpa called her again. He was holding what appeared to be a black bracelet.
“Is that for me?” she said.
“Yes. It is a gift. This bracelet is made of black tourmaline crystals. Your grandmother made it for you because we know that you use an electronic device. The black tourmaline stones will reduce the phone’s radiation so your body won’t be harmed when you use it.”
It was a wonderful gift. Maisha knew she would wear it everyday and not let her brother touch it or else he would break it. She hugged her grandpa and left with her father.
