IS A MAN STILL A MAN?
Money, power, prejudice
How much will you mention
Are you scared of this
How much will you listen
I can feel a confession wrapped
Inside the concern on your face
Are you human still or are you dead like the rest of us
Your eyes are paranoid you can’t look at me straight
You got that zombie walk, no justice for the life
It’s the fruit of your strife but I feel you mate
Are you human tho
Is a man still a man tho?
Is you alright, do you know what’s right
Would you know what’s alright if it was
This air you breathe but do you know your cause
You’re confused and confusing yourself
Is a man still a man?
Don’t tell me what you don’t know
Do you know what I mean when I ask you though
Can you tell if you’re alright?
Can you tell, man, can you tell?
can you feel what you feel
what you feeling is it even real?
feel like it meant something to you
or at least like it used to
I know you don’t wanna be bothered
You out here weighing your pockets
Sizing yourself, look around
you done being hurt
You’re afraid to listen, you’re abusing yourself
You’re afraid to look, you’re afraid to feel things
you believed you never should
Are you alright though? You know it’s not working
But you hide under the guise though
It ain’t gonna save you, no amount of binge
will elevate it’s all gonna drain you
“You poured the water into the bucket and it filled an entire lake
Now its time to go all the way down and come face to face with what you’ve made.”
And I stood at the edge of a lake. The sunlight glittered on the surface of the water inside a bucket beside me. The lake reflected an image of me. A tired and concerned image. I was urged to take the first step. And so I did. One foot into the water. And then the next. Until the water rose higher and higher up my legs. Then it drenched my red shirt. I walked deeper into the lake, the waters now at my chin. I closed my eyes, feeling it rise every second until I was all in.
I kept walking. Deeper and deeper to the bottom of the lake, where it got darker and the light was dim. I asked myself, “What am I supposed to find?”
You’ve been biting your teeth
You’ve been biting yourself
You’re resentful enough
everybody can tell
You’ve had it and you’ve had nothing at all
You’ve had it all but it’s not what you love
You’re abusing your patience for the time that time abused you of
You couldn’t wait any longer you got tired of it all
You’ve been resentful and it’s been filling you up
It’s been filling your bucket and it’s been in the way you talk
You can’t see past the pain, the darkness lurking inside
the deep waters
You wish somebody had told you
You wish you never started,
You wish you never asked, you wish
you never prayed or wanted
You wish you could be wantless
And satisfied
But you had a taste of the fruit
Of something better than the regular life
The strife has been killing you
You hate to be wanting
This is the feeling of being lost and
This is the feeling where you’re looking
where God is
You’re looking for who the hell can stop it
Stop the curse
Stop the feeling
Stop the want, kill the dream, kill the ambition, your eyes
are paranoid and your heart won’t rest
Are you still alright, she says it’s all just a test
Can you really see it?
You’re resentful though
You’re done with it all
This is the place you’re looking where God is
Somebody to come in and stop the curse and stop it
You can’t handle how much you want it
That’s the part that tears you apart, you’re a mess, in
chains still, in bondage,
you want it,
you know you want it,
A hope with a leash and it gave you back
nothing
Maybe this is the place where God is
Maybe this is the place at the bottom of it all
Do u have anything left to say?
Do you know what’s left to say?
Do you know what’s left in you?
You had one more chance to be blessed today,
or try to believe that maybe this time around
you’ll have your way
Or God’s way, if God’s still here in inner space
She misses you and wants to help you relax,
Will you take another day to sacrifice again
Do you have any hope in you or is this the end?
The waters flowed around me. The darkness swallowed me whole. I wasn’t afraid anymore. I was just… feeling it all. Seeing it all. Perhaps accepting it. I don’t know how often I may have to come to the bottom again. I don’t know what’s there for me at the top of the lake. Sometimes you don’t know if you’re looking for yourself or looking for God. You don’t know if this is all life has to offer or if you’re meant for more. If this is a test and here’s all I am. I can’t give you an answer. I can’t satisfy this narrative because I done tried so much already in my life. If something good happens, I’ll tell you. If nothing happens, I’ll tell you nothing has happened. It’s all I can say. I can’t say anything nice if it doesn’t exist. I can’t tell you stories that haven’t happened. I can just tell you about the darkness at the bottom of the lake. And I’m here. In the midst of it. Hoping that I can make some sense of it all.
You’ve been here for a while
You’re counting the years
You’re counting the early morning hours
and the midnight tears
Can you write it off?
Write yourself a cheque, stick it on a wall
You wanna be authentic, you want to be yourself
Will you be yourself even though it hurts
Will you purchase yourself, whatever it means
I see you weighing your pockets
You feel like it’s not enough
You feeling like you want me to pitch in
You feel like nobody’s helping you bruh
You wanna purchase yourself, your freedom’s in drought
May He give you the desires of your heart,
You’re hoping you’ll be worth the mercy and the luck
Worth what you wish for and want
You’re looking for a clue, a sign or a dove
You’re looking for an answer, a way to enough
You’re looking to purchase yourself with anything else
Like you ain’t worth yourself
Like you ain’t close enough
You’re looking for permission for somebody to save you
When you were five years old what happened
to what God gave you?
drawing paintings in elementary school
Looking at your life now, thinking is this how he made you?
Are you alright?
If you don’t get your answers
will you lose yourself
Is a man still a man tho?
ask yourself
