ellie /you put your all into it and 7 years a long time. Its hard ,and sorry to say doesn't get easier . At least for me it doesn't . Because wether I'm 16 or 60, when I love and put my all into it, and it ends, it still all hurts the same.
Do I want it to hurt less cause I'm better at it now ? , less affected , more scarred and insulated? Well then, whats that ?,but a numbed out old pro. Not for me.
Its all loss, separation , a series of mini deaths, until we get that we are not of the physical world.
I love how you wrote it. be brave! you know the rest