Present with God: In my Insomnia
You have kept count of my tossings…Are they not in your book?…This I know, that God is for me. -Psalm 56:8–9
I have had my share of sleepless nights. Nothing is worse than the feeling of being exhausted and unable to actually fall asleep. For me it’s immediate and undeniable…there’s just something about how my body feels lying in bed and I know that I will not be sleeping tonight. The causes can vary; unresolved relationship conflict, financial worries, or some general uneasiness I can’t put a name to. But the result is the same, I find myself on my basement couch scrolling through Netflix looking for a documentary boring enough to coax me to sleep.
Apparently, the writer of this Psalm had his own experience of unplanned appointments with 3 AM. The headline tells us that this was written by David and it was inspired by an experience David had had when he was captured and held by his enemies. David recalls his feelings as he lay, on a prison cot, unable to rest. He is comforted by the reality that in each sleepless night, God was present with him and fully attentive to the situation.
One of the problems with insomnia is that it is, by its very nature, isolating. You feel utterly alone. Staring in futility at the ceiling or blankly the television, it feels like the whole world is sleeping peacefully. At its worse, insomnia also isolates you from your waking life as well. Because of your exhausted state, you’re unable to fully engage with others during the day. The cycle perpetuates and builds until you feel completely and utterly alone.
But David reminds us that we are not alone. In fact, even while we toss and turn, there is a God who is fully engaged in our sleepless frustration. David paints a picture of a loving and caring God, fully present with us and fully on our side. Perhaps, the answer to our sleeplessness is to find our rest in the presence of the God who is already there. By focusing our mind on God and making ourselves mindfully aware of his presence we can receive from him the peace we need.
Being Present with God
As you remember your own struggles with insomnia, make some time to be present with God. Thank him that he was there with you through every sleepless night. Thank him for the peace and calm and rest that his presence brings. Ask him to help you to seek out his presence when you find yourself staring at the ceiling in the future. Thank him for his deep desire to care and comfort you. Thank him for the way he has made you aware of his presence during this time.
