Achieving Hexis: Shedding the Weight of Expectations

We carry the heavy weight of expectations we never chose.

From an early age, we were taught how to be good enough — good enough to please our parents, good enough to succeed in school, good enough to fit in. But in all that conditioning, how many of us were taught to extend that same grace to ourselves? To be good enough in our own eyes?

The irony is that the only way to truly be good enough is to feel like we are. If our sense of worth is tied to external validation, which is fleeting, inconsistent, and out of our control, we will never feel like enough.

No matter how much we accomplish or how many people praise us, we will keep moving the goalpost. And that is a painful way to live.

Impossible Standards

Because we know how deeply painful this is, we are quick to reassure others. We effortlessly remind our loved ones:

You are more than enough.

Your imperfections are acceptable.

You have nothing to prove.

We say these things because it’s what we desperately wish we could believe about ourselves. And yet, while we offer grace to others, we hold ourselves to those impossible standards. And we don’t just want to be good enough — we want to be undeniably, unquestionably, perfectly worthy. And so we keep striving, constantly trying to prove our worth to everyone, as if one more achievement, one more sign of approval, will finally quiet the doubts.

But it never does.

A Different Path

Since external validation cannot be relied upon to sustain our self-worth, we must cultivate it from within. One way to break free from the weight of these expectations is to intentionally practice self-acceptance.

Every day, find opportunities to tell yourself: I am more than enough.

Say it even when you don’t fully believe it. Say it when you catch yourself chasing validation. Say it when you fall short of your own expectations. With enough practice, those words will start to feel true. And when that happens, the need to be good enough in the eyes of others will begin to fade.

What’s left behind is hexis.

What Is That?

In ancient Greek philosophy, the word Hexis refers to a peaceful state of being formed through the deliberate practice of positive habits.

This philosophy is at the heart of Hexis Coaching, the work I do to help clients build compassionate habits, reframe negative self-talk, and cultivate a peaceful, judgment-free inner life. Instead of chasing external validation, we focus on internal stability — on developing the kind of self-acceptance that doesn’t waver based on the opinions or expectations of others.

I help clients achieve this state by identifying habits that no longer serve them and creating cards (like the one below) to encourage the intentional practice of new, positive habits to replace old, unhelpful ones.

After our sessions, I send clients personalized cards tailored to their specific challenges, along with these reminders:

• When you notice the old habit creeping in, pull up your card, and say the new habit out loud.
• Choose a specific time each day to practice saying each new habit.

If you’re tired of carrying the weight of expectations you never chose, there’s another way. You can practice self-acceptance. You can build new habits. You can shift your inner dialogue. And over time, you can experience hexis.

This is one of the exercises I use with my Hexis Coaching clients, guiding them to take clear, actionable steps toward becoming their best selves.