Breaking the Spiral: An Empathy Machine
When something happens that you don’t like or agree with, it can easily trigger a spiral. You notice the thing that bothers you, then you judge it as wrong or bad. Once you’ve labeled it as bad, it can feel like your responsibility to push back— pointing it out, arguing, or railing against it. This often leads to frustration, conflict, or outright anger.
These spirals can happen anywhere — while driving, at the grocery store, at work, on social media, or even when you’re out with friends. In fact, pretty much anytime we interact with others, there’s an opportunity to be triggered by something that doesn’t align with our expectations.
People have always struggled with this, but the world is different now…
A New Way to Break the Cycle
AI tools like ChatGPT provide a new opportunity to create a different kind of response. When you experience something that frustrates you, instead of instantly reacting, open ChatGPT and explain the situation. Ask it to help you understand what’s going on.
Most of the time, frustration arises from a lack of understanding. We assume we know why someone acted a certain way, but our assumptions are often wrong. ChatGPT, having been trained on a vast amount of human knowledge, can offer a more objective perspective — helping us pause and reconsider before we escalate.
This machine helps us build empathy.
A Personal Example
I regularly spend time with a friend who is Puerto Rican. He’s a great guy, but sometimes he talks non-stop and often interrupts people mid-sentence. I find myself getting annoyed by it on a regular basis.
Recently, instead of leaning into that frustration or snapping at him, I excused myself and asked ChatGPT…
Me: A friend of mine from Puerto Rico talks constantly and interrupts people. It’s really annoying. Can you explain why this might be happening and give me some ideas for how to handle it?
ChatGPT: I hear you — constant interruptions can be frustrating. Your friend’s communication style might be influenced by culture; in Puerto Rico, fast-paced, overlapping conversation is often a sign of enthusiasm, not rudeness. He may not realize that you see it as disruptive.
Here are a few ways to handle it:
Reframe It — See it as excitement rather than disrespect.
Set Boundaries — Politely say, “Hang on, let me finish this thought!”
Talk to Him — Mention it in a friendly way: “I love our conversations, but I’d appreciate more space to speak.”
Lead by Example — Slow your speech and pause more; he may mirror you.
Would you like help finding a natural way to bring this up?
Me: No, thanks! This was helpful!
This quick check-in shifted my mindset. Instead of letting frustration take over, I gained an understanding of cultural communication styles, personality differences, or even habits he may not be aware of. More importantly, I received specific guidance on how to handle the situation with patience and empathy.
Had I let my irritation spiral, I might have snapped at him, damaging our relationship. Instead, I walked away with a new perspective — one that helped me navigate the situation in a way that strengthened, rather than strained, our connection.
This can work with any issue.
How to Break the Spiral
- Pause and open ChatGPT.
Before reacting, describe the situation in a simple prompt:
“[Describe the situation in detail]. Can you explain why this might be happening and give me some ideas for how to handle it?” - Reflect on the response.
Take a moment to absorb the perspective ChatGPT offers. Does this provide new insights? Does it challenge your initial assumptions? - Take action with clarity.
Use the guidance to approach the situation with understanding instead of frustration. - Give feedback.
If the response was helpful, let ChatGPT know. If you need more clarity, ask for additional advice.
By using AI as a tool for emotional processing, we can shift away from knee-jerk reactions and cultivate a calmer, more thoughtful approach to daily frustrations.
The Bigger Picture
Instead of being caught in cycles of anger and judgment, we can use ChatGPT to gain clarity, perspective, and a sense of control over how we respond to the world around us.
It won’t eliminate every frustration, but it can offer a simple, accessible way to pause, reflect, and choose empathy over outrage. And in a world filled with constant triggers, that kind of shift can be life-changing.
This is one of the exercises I use with my Hexis Coaching clients, guiding them to take clear, actionable steps toward becoming their best selves.
