Is This The Life You Were Told to Want?

From the moment we’re born, it seems like we’re told how to live.

Parents, teachers, peers, religious leaders, and many others attempt to shape our sense of right and wrong. They tell us how to behave, what to strive for, and even what to believe. Most of the time, these expectations come from good intentions — people genuinely believe they are guiding us toward a fulfilling and meaningful life.

But sometimes, these expectations are more about their own comfort than ours. Some people push their beliefs because they want validation. They want others to make the same choices they did so they don’t feel alone in and uncertain about their decisions.

I was told that I should get married, have children, make a lot of money, follow a specific religion, be careful about what I say, go to college, etc. These are things that others were told to do, and they simply passed them down to me as unquestioned truths.

The problem is, there is no universal set of “right” things to do. If there were, we would have an agreed-upon rulebook for being human — something that would clearly define the correct way to live. We would be able to reference this guide when making every decision. But that doesn’t exist. Everything we are told about how we should live is just someone’s subjective opinion, presented as fact.

And the real issue arises when what we were told to do doesn’t align with what we actually want to do, deep down.

The Life You Were Told to Want

Maybe I don’t want to get married. Maybe I don’t want children. Maybe I don’t want to spend my life focused on financial success. Maybe happiness for me looks completely different than what I was told it should look like.

Living a life that doesn’t align with your own desires can lead to anxiety, frustration, resentment, and regret. In fact, one of the most common regrets people have at the end of their lives is, “I wish I had done what I wanted to do, not what I was expected to do.”

But when what we’ve been told and what we truly want are tangled together, how do we untangle them?

A New Way to Question

AI tools like ChatGPT provide a way to explore these deeply ingrained beliefs and ask whether they make sense. Because AI has been trained on a vast amount of human knowledge — philosophy, history, psychology, religion, and the personal experiences of countless individuals — it can offer a unique and valuable perspective.

Instead of simply accepting what you were told, you can ask: Is the way I was told to live truly the right way?

If anything has an answer to that question, it would be AI.

Testing What You’ve Been Told

One way to explore this is to take each expectation you’ve been given and ask ChatGPT whether it’s actually the right choice. For example…

Me: Is marriage the right thing to do?

ChatGPT: There is no universal “right” or “wrong” answer to marriage. For some, marriage brings stability, companionship, and fulfillment. For others, a committed relationship without marriage, or a life of independence, may be more aligned with their idea of happiness. The right choice depends on your values, desires, and personal circumstances.

Me: Okay. Is having children the right thing to do?

ChatGPT: Having children is a deeply personal decision. Some people find meaning and joy in raising a family, while others find fulfillment in other ways — through relationships, careers, creativity, or personal growth. There is no one-size-fits-all answer.

Me: Gotcha. Is making a lot of money the right thing to do?

ChatGPT: Financial success can provide security, opportunities, and comfort, but the pursuit of wealth alone does not guarantee fulfillment. Some people find purpose in financial ambition, while others prioritize time, relationships, or personal growth over accumulating wealth. The right path depends on what aligns with your values and what brings you a sense of meaning and well-being.

After a few of these conversations, a pattern becomes clear: there is no absolute “right” way to live.

This realization is freeing. It means that all of the expectations placed on you are just opinions, not facts. And if they are only opinions, they do not have to dictate your life. You are free to decide what matters to you.

Try It for Yourself

If you’ve ever felt weighed down by expectations that don’t quite fit, you can test them for yourself. Simply open ChatGPT and start asking.

Then, reflect on the responses. Do they reinforce what you already believed? Challenge long-held assumptions? Provide some helpful clarity?

And if you’re unsure what you actually want, this exercise can help with that.

Final Thought

You don’t have to accept the beliefs you were given without question. Instead, explore them, challenge them, and decide what resonates.

Now, go forth and create a life that feels authentic and fulfilling!

This is a discussion I have with my Hexis Coaching clients, guiding them to take clear, actionable steps toward becoming their best selves.