How do we find our way back home? The definition of home is where one lives permanently. Our mind: same place as home.
Five years ago, after having a complete breakdown, I thought the best solution to solve my life issues was to check into a mental institution. I believed this would be a safe place to vacation away from personal hardships, my reality. My body consciously knew rest was necessary. I needed a place to escape the situation; the mess of my life, the life that I unconsciously created. I felt like I was anchor being thrown off ship sinking quickly to the bottom of the deep cold waters.
A few weeks later I decided to spread out a homemade jean pocket quilt in my backyard; I was looking for something inspirational to write about, praying for words of wisdom to help escape the pain and suffering I was enduring. I picked up my pen and notebook and started to write. All of a sudden, I noticed these huge birds flying and circling above in such a beautiful way that looked effortless. These birds were huge, extending their wings, making them look elegant and peaceful. Three hawks were hovering above, mesmerizing me. I was watching the details of their presence and how they flew with grace. I felt joy emerge while watching these birds and noticed how they were looking down on me. They were circling with precision and confidence while another bird joined in. Four hawks flew in a large circle with synchronized rhythm and formation causing me to become completely lost in their beauty. What I didn’t realize, at the time, was that all my troubles had disappeared at that moment. Later, I became aware the hawks had a purpose. They wanted to eat my dog Max, my chihuahua.
I lay back down on the quilt and looked up at the sky and meditated. Due to the experience, I was able to envision myself as an eagle. I imagined my life as if I was the eagle that had just hovered above. I was inspired by what I had just “felt” watching these miraculous creatures.
After meditating, this is what I wrote: I vision myself as a secure majestic eagle flying high in the sky feeling such joy. Like an eagle, I was my own keeper having full control over my mind and thoughts. I had wisdom and was beyond confident flying the skies experiencing enormous love and had no fear. Being an eagle fear doesn’t exist. I was soaring through the heavenly skies, flying free, living life to the fullest being consciously aware I was in full control. I had no restraints or reservations to soar effortlessly or sing. I felt protected and secure in a motherly nurtured sense along with feeling spiritually guided. I had the freedom to express anything and everything I wanted to say without worry of judgment. There were no other eagles out in the skies judging me because we all flew together as if we were one having no separation. Even though there was a distance between us eagles, we soared the skies somewhat apart from one another, but we still could see sharply being completely aware of one another and each other’s presence of unconditional love. I had an enormous amount of strength and was knowledgeable of my own self-knowing. I was intuitive. I trusted in this intuition as I soared above the trees, going above and beyond the mists of the clouds being able to look down at the land. In the skies, through thought, I knew the life I was living as an eagle was peaceful. I could feel the breeze on my wings that gently tucked myself into my nest feeling safe, nurtured and secure. I appreciated and welcomed my home knowing the magnificence of my gratefulness. I approved and loved myself to such a deeply profound level that the feeling of abandonment wouldn’t even have existed in this place of time and energy. My nest was so soft and warm where all the twigs were smoothed and softened like a soft baby blanket. I could feel my mother taking care of my needs as a youth. My visions were so sharp with distinct clarity that making a decision on how I was going to fly involved no thought, it just was. I just did. I had a choice where I would expand my wings, sleep, and rest in this wondrous world. I was able to see and experience beauty at such a magnifying level. Sometimes I flew above the mountaintops, the ocean, and lands of never ending pastures. This world was beyond mystifying. I felt the earth, ground, trees, myself and all the beauty around knowing we were connected.
At the time, I didn’t understand where “home” was up until a few years ago. I was always searching for something, a feeling? A place? I came to realize that what I was searching for was a sense of safety, happiness, and peace. I never seemed to be able to find what I so desperately needed. The more I searched, the further away and more frustrated I became.
Finally, I was able to understand, that to live my life to the fullest, what I was looking for couldn’t be found outside of myself, but had to be found from within. To truly forgive others, and myself I needed to love me with all of my faults and wrongdoings. This was necessary. Until then, I couldn’t even begin to reach the safe place of home, of feeling like that eagle and soar because of the love I didn’t have within myself and projected those inadequate feelings out to others and my loved ones.
Take some time and find ways to discover your inner eagle, forgive yourself and others and be thankful for the day. Find the means to spread your wings and explore this beautiful world we are living in.
Kim Black, Dragonflymind