Forever in my heart- A mother’s tribute to her angel baby

I never imagined I’d find the strength to share this, but they say time heals wounds, albeit slowly and steadily.

Six months ago, on this very day, I lost my baby during delivery due to an umbilical cord complication — or at least, that’s what the doctors concluded.

I had meticulously checked all the boxes throughout my pregnancy:
- Natural conception ✅
- Healthy blood levels ✅
- Optimal growth scans ✅
- Active until the last day ✅
- No medication or diet restrictions ✅
- Completed full term ✅

I was confident, filled with anticipation for parenthood. I dreamt of our baby’s future, prepared everything meticulously, and was determined to have a natural birth — believing everything would go smoothly.

Twelve hours of labor passed, and my resolve remained steadfast. But in just ten minutes, destiny shattered my belief. Nine months of hope and preparation were undone in an instant. During recovery at the hospital I was numb, did not know how to respond and felt nothing, probably due to the cocktail of medicines in my system that made my brain freeze.

The toughest part started once I was discharged. I was overwhelmed with emotions — anger, guilt, grief, even hatred. I cycled through the stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, but rarely, acceptance.

For months, I isolated myself, except for my husband, who shared in our loss intimately. No one seemed to have answers. Was it karma? Bad luck? Negligence? Over confidence? I searched for closure, grappling with these questions and sometimes lashing out in frustration.

I share my story now for anyone facing a similar loss — to assure you that IT’S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY. Take your time. Experience all the emotions that you are feeling.

My postpartum healing..

It began with two months of limited mobility post-emergency C-section, leaving me to confront my emotions head-on — the hardest months of my life. Gradually, I started taking walks, journaling, and finding solace in solitude.

With time, I turned to yoga, practiced gratitude, and reconnected with friends who patiently waited for me to heal. I immersed myself in positive distractions — reading, listening to podcasts — and found joy in seeing other pregnant women, praying for the safe arrival of their babies.

Have I healed? Not completely, perhaps not at all. But I’ve embraced the truth — that healing is a process, and I am finding my way, step by step, on this journey of remembrance and resilience.

Not a day goes by that I don’t miss her, but now, I remember my angel baby with love and a smile.

This is my tribute to her.

Forever in my heart!

Love,
Mom