I know, I know, it’s been a while. I’ve recently started keeping a diary myself to write instead of typing… But man… what happened a two days ago really got to me and I’ve been feeling so sad.

I’m pretty sure everyone already knows about the passing of Paul Walker. It was insane when I found out because the night before my brother and I spent the entire night watching his movies and I fell in love with him. I searched him up and I was instantly clicked. I was so excited to watch Fast and Furious 7 because of him and all the cast members… Then the night after I was at the mall when my cousin told me the news. At first I thought she was just playing some fucked up joke on me, but then I realized she wasn’t like that and plus she didn’t know if I even knew Paul Walker. I was in total shock and I was heartbroken.

It’s crazy how someone can be here one second and be gone the next. I’ve been taking his death pretty hard, even though I never even knew him. Tyrese’s posts on instagram ruined me. I felt his pain, he showed how bad he was taking this and how much pain he was going through. They were like brothers, and he was taken away from him in a snap of a finger. I honestly don’t know how Paul’s family is going through this, I had a tough time at school because I kept thinking of him and I never even knew him. Like Cory’s death, I’m still in denial. Hell, I’m still in denial of Cory’s death.

I’m just absolutely terrified. In my life, I am so fortunate to have never lost anyone that I’m close to. I’m fortunate enough to have both my grandparents and all my family members, therefore I never dealt with death. I knew the concept but I didn’t know what to think of it. But the deaths of these people made me so scared. Death is a scary thing… Someone you once knew so well is just taken away from you and no matter what you do, you can never get them back, never hold them again. It’s just recently I understood this reality, and it scared the crap out of me. During my depression, I was so desperate to die, but now that I went through it, I’m terrified.

It’s unimaginable that Paul will no longer be with us. Paul had a great career and he was such a good person. He donated so much to charities and he just loved to give back. From all these responses, it’s clear that he was loved by everyone and it was impossible to hate such a good person. Meadow Walker, I am terribly sorry for your loss, I’m sorry you lost your father. I wish I can feel your pain so you wouldn’t have to feel as much… Tyrese, I am so sorry you lost your brother. I knew how close you were with him. I know, I never knew him or met him, but its still heartbreaking. He was such a lovely person but I came too late to appreciate his talent. I’m still in denial of his death… of Cory’s death… of Roger Rodas’…