Nature’s low strike
Passionate love, eros, crazy in love — all names for the same thing: the first period of a relationship. Some say it is the ‘best’ part, nature’s low strike — a beautiful and intense illusion of reality. This article is to save you from possible unnecessary trouble that you can get into, when you’re inside the fairy-tale.
I am talking about those 6–18 months (it can go for a longer or shorter period as well) where nothing else matters and your brain behaves like it’s under the effects of cocaine — yes, it literally does (Bartels & Zeki, 2004; Pease & Pease, 2010). All the states you go through are a result of the chemical cocktail that God, evolution, or whatever you believe in, injects us with to serve the purpose of procreation.
Dopamine, Epinephrine, Norepinephrine, Serotonin and Oxytocin come together to make the ultimate love potion. The moment you have it in your bloodstream, side effects range from loss of normal consciousness to not being able to leave the bedroom for entire days (I mean being in bed with the loved one).
Men that were once ‘made’ for the women who they procreated with, women that loved them, that today push them towards a shit life, at the precipice of suicide.
Because it feels so good and the other person seems like our soulmate, people tend to fall in the trap of making promises about long term commitments, some of them in the eyes of the law (aka. Marriage). “He/she is so perfect, I don’t want to ever let him/her go!” — you feel you were made for each other, and you were — you were made to go into each other like puzzle pieces, in order to create more pieces for other puzzles. So, people make promises and plans that, many times, they later come to regret. You see, in the UK alone, 3 men suicide themselves everyday because they can’t pay the alimony (Pease & Pease, 2010) — men that were once ‘made’ for the women who they procreated with, women that loved them, that today push them towards a shit life, at the precipice of suicide. All because of a commitment some of them made when they were completely drugged.
Nature has a very sneaky way of making us reproduce and keep the species alive, independently of our rational will. Injecting us with that cocktail is its way. While you are under that effect, make sure you don’t make any important life decisions, because most of it is an illusion — an illusion I encourage you to live and re-live, but an illusion nonetheless. Now, you must be asking yourself what illusion I am talking about, my answer comes next.
Women begin to think men want as much sex as them, and the same happens with men. However, after that phase is over, men ‘become’ perverts and women have a lot of ‘headaches’.
The illusion of thinking the partner is perfect for you, for you are so much alike each other and need the same amount of sex. One of the hormones that is most responsible for sexual behaviour is testosterone. Men have it in a dosage 20x higher than women ((“Hormone References: Normal Male & Female Reference Levels,” n.d.), thus they do have much more sexual drive. In the beginning of a relationship, alongside the cocktail that I have mentioned that numbs peoples’ morals and rationality, the levels of testosterone alter in both sexes. Its levels suffer a raise in women and a drop in men. That means that the levels in each of them become more similar than usual. Hence, the sexual drive becomes, also, more similar than usual. Women begin to think men want as much sex as them, and the same happens with men. This is nature’s way of ensuring that the chances of procreation are greater. However, after that phase is over, men ‘become’ perverts and women have a lot of ‘headaches’. That is, when testosterone levels go back to normal, men complain that their partners want to little sex and women complain about the opposite. This is not a ‘problem’, or a deviation from the normal relationship, it is the natural, biological functioning of men and women — it is the beginning of the relationship that is the ‘illusion’, the deviation from the normal.
A bit after testosterone levels are back to normal, also most of the other hormones get back to normal. As a result, not only do men and women realise they are so very different as different sexes, but also, so very different morally and ethically as two different people (not in all cases of course, but in a vast majority). They start realising the other one has more ‘flaws’ than they had perceived before. Then they are forced to face reality and all the choices they have made previously — right, or wrong.
Before reading this, maybe you were interpreting what was happening to you and your friends in relationships after 2 years as ‘bad luck’, ‘bad decisions’, or ‘the wrong partners’ — when it actually wasn’t even your fault, it is nature’s way. Now you have the information you need to not find yourself in those uncomfortable situations anymore — enjoy the passion and the beautiful illusion, just don’t make any life decisions in that period, you’re under the effect of the most powerful drugs.