Temper, Temper . . .

I hate to admit this sometimes, and it certainly scares me that somehow I manage to hide it from many who know me well, but, my name is Derek and I have quite the temper.
Let me put it this way: I’m the kind of guy that if my shoelaces knot up and I can’t untie them — I’ll probably rip the shoe off my foot and throw it across the room. I’m the kind of guy that if I can’t get something right the first time, I’d rather just break the thing.
Real Christ-like, huh? Great example for my infant son too.
It’s gotten better over the years and I no longer threaten to burn people’s houses down like I did in high school, but it’s still enough of an issue for me to be ashamed of it and for it to be unfair to my wife and family. My wife, coincidentally, couldn’t be more perfect for me as she DOES NOT put up with it in the slightest and is quick to call me out and hold me accountable to the fact that I need to be graceful and merciful (even to inanimate objects).
I mean, how much of it is my fault though? What can I control?
My dad was like this. I saw nothing but violence growing up. No one really tried to teach me better.
It’s all I had known until Jesus showed up . . .
Now what? Aren’t I supposed to be a legacy changer for my namesake?
I can say that God hasn’t supernaturally removed this rage-sin from my life (or any others for that matter), but He has done a tremendous job in working on it. He may have been met with some resistance along the way, because for so long actually having a temper, and anger, was all I could control. What God has done is shown me how to use this vulnerability, this flaw, to be real with others. My brokenness, in this regard, makes me relatable. Oh, the irony!
Believe me, I long for a day where I am the chill, calm, cool, collected dude that everyone wants to be like. I’m sure my blood pressure wants that too. But, for now I’m going to learn every last little lesson I can about myself and about how to have the Christ consciousness in every situation that seeks to press the detonation button.
In short, don’t let your biggest character flaws disqualify you from being who or what you want to be. God has used people that were way more messed up than you or me for bigger things. Mark Batterson has a cool little saying in his book, The Circle Maker which apparently originated with Saint Augustine:
“Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you.”
Do your part and trust God to do His part.
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” — Matthew 7:7
Just because change may take a while, even years (27 of them in my case), doesn’t mean it isn’t coming your way.
From my heart to yours.
