Does Allowing Your Child to Use Alcohol in Your Home Teach Them to Drink Responsibly?
What the research says about teenage brains and alcohol
As a researcher who studies adolescent alcohol use and problems, I frequently talk to parent groups, and I always, inevitably, get asked a question along the following lines:
“Isn’t part of the problem that in the United States we make alcohol off-limits to adolescents, and by doing so, make it more attractive to our kids? Wouldn’t we be better off lowering the legal drinking age and allowing our kids to drink with us, so that we could socialize them to responsibly use alcohol, like they do in Europe?”
On the surface, this sounds like a really reasonable idea. The problem is that the research doesn’t support it. At all. The idea that adolescents use alcohol more responsibly in Europe is a massive myth. Sure, maybe you saw a teenager casually sipping a glass of wine while having dinner with their family when you were on your most recent European vacation. But what you probably didn’t see (unless you are far more fun on your family vacations in your parenting years than I am) is that same teenager fall-down-drunk leaving the nightclub when not in the presence of said parents. Because they might be sipping responsibly with their parents, but that’s not what they’re doing when their parents aren’t around.
European countries have lower legal drinking ages than the Unites States, generally varying from 16–18 for different types of alcoholic beverages (wine, beer, spirits) in different countries. And yes, it is culturally more accepted for European adolescents to have small amounts of alcohol in the presence of family members and on special occasions. But it turns out that those supervised drinking occasions with parents do not translate into more responsible drinking practices as soon as they are out from under the watchful eyes of their parents. Europe has the highest rates of risky adolescent drinking in the world.
The bottom line is that most adolescent drinking is risky drinking. In our surveys of incoming college students, more than 50% of all kids who report drinking say that they have blacked out. And what we know is that anything that increases access to alcohol for adolescents increases the rates of risky alcohol use, whether that is a lower legal drinking age, the number of alcohol outlets in a neighborhood, or availability of alcohol in the home or through friends.
So why the extraordinarily high rates of risky behavior in adolescents? Turns out there’s a simple explanation: adolescent brains are still under development. The parts of their brains that work really well are the parts that respond to reward, the parts that make them want to seek out new experiences, and try new things. The parts of their brain that aren’t fully developed yet: the parts that put the brakes on, the parts that give them pause, and allow them to think through the consequences of their actions. This is a recipe for disaster, or as we call it “the teenage years”. And because the teenage years are such a critical time for brain development, alcohol also affects adolescent brains differently than it does adult brains. Alcohol has long term effects on learning and memory in adolescents in a way that it doesn’t in adults (when consumed in moderation).
So what’s a parent to do? It turns out there is something, and it’s been repeatedly shown to be highly effective! The thing that is most strongly associated with reduced rates of adolescent alcohol use and problems is…(drumroll)… parental monitoring. It’s not being their friend. It’s not having a warm and nurturing relationship (though there are other good reasons for that). It’s knowing where your kids are, who they are with, and what they are up to. That’s the #1 way to reduce risky behavior and associated harm in kids. Because it reduces their access to alcohol. It limits their ability for their underdeveloped, reward-seeking brains to get them into trouble.
In fact, anything that parents do to reduce access to alcohol will help protect kids from harm. As a parent this means that you can make sure the alcohol in your house is locked up, accounted for, and not readily accessible (otherwise the “vodka” in that crystal decanter is likely to be largely water by the end of your child’s high school years). Talk to the parents of your adolescents’ friends to make sure they are being similarly vigilant (otherwise your kids *will* find the house with the permissive or unsuspecting parents). For parents who are particularly passionate, you can advocate for laws that limit alcohol outlets in neighborhoods, the hours that those outlets can remain open, and their proximity to schools. You can make sure that stores that are infamous for selling alcohol to minors come to the attention of law enforcement officials. As the parent of an adolescent, it might feel like a lot is out of your control, but when it comes to adolescents and alcohol, there is actually a lot you can do.
Importantly, talk to your kids. And not just once. Alcohol and other drugs are a part of our society. Talk to them about your expectations surrounding their behavior regarding alcohol and other drugs. Talk to them about your family rules. Talk to them about their experiences at school and with their peers. Talk to them about how their choices about alcohol and other drugs fit with their long-term goals. They might groan and roll their eyes, but they are listening.
And on top of all that — monitor! Remember that adolescent brains are race cars without brakes. Being the brake is no fun. But it’s also one of the ways that as a parent you can help protect them from harm, so that beautiful brain of their can reach its full potential.
Danielle Dick, PhD is a professor of psychiatry at Rutgers Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. She is an internationally recognized expert on adolescent and emerging adult alcohol use and related mental health problems. She has written >350 scientific papers and been awarded >30 million dollars in research funding from the National Institutes of Health. She is the author of The Child Code: Understanding Your Child’s Unique Nature for Happier, More Effective Parenting, published by Avery, an imprint of Penguin Random House.