What Do You Want To Be?

When I was a little boy I loved to run barefoot through the soft, green grass. I loved to lay down on the grass and just watch the clouds float by. I loved to watch the sun set before I went to bed at night, and to watch it rise when I got up in the morning. When an adult asked me, “Who do you want to be when you grow up?” I said, “I want to be someone who runs barefoot through the grass and watches the clouds.”

But my answer seemed to disappoint the adult. They asked me, “Are you sure you don’t want to be a firefighter, a policeman, a scientist or a doctor?” I vigorously nodded my small head no and again said, “When I grow up I want to be someone who runs barefoot through the grass and watches the clouds.”

Time and childhood passed quickly, as it often does, and I found I had become a young man. As a young man I liked to watch TV, play video games, draw in my sketchbook and make things on my computer. When I wasn’t doing any of those things I still found myself running barefoot through the grass and watching the clouds. When an adult asked me, “What do you want to do with your life?” I said, “I want to watch TV, play video games, draw in my sketchbook and make things on my computer. When I am not doing those things I want to run barefoot through the grass and watch the clouds.”

My answer seemed to disappoint the adult. They asked, “Don’t you want to do anything with your life?” Repeating myself I said, “I just want to watch TV, play video games, draw in my sketchbook and make things on my computer. When I am not doing those things I want to run barefoot through the grass and watch the clouds.”

More time passed and soon I found I had become an adult. As an adult I liked to read books, draw in my sketchbook and make things on my computer. When I was not doing those things I was either going to college or going to work. I had no time to play video games, run barefoot through the grass or watch the clouds. As each day passed I found myself less and less happy.

I got married, had a family and soon my sketchbook lay abandoned, the books I read were only to instruct, my computer was used only used to keep track of the finances and I only saw cartoons on the TV. One day my wife jokingly asked me, “What do you want to do with your life?” I said, “I want to watch TV, play video games, draw in my sketchbook and make things on my computer. When I am not doing those things I want to hold your hand, walk barefoot through the grass, and watch the clouds.”

My answer seemed to confuse my wife. She didn’t understand what I was trying to say. So she asked, “Don’t you love the children and I? Don’t you want to take care of us?” I said, “Of course I love you and the children, and I will always take care of you. But I miss watching the shows I like on TV. I miss having time to read a book that interests me. I really miss playing video games, drawing in my sketchbook, and making things on my computer. But most of all I miss walking barefoot through the grass and watching the clouds. What I am doing with my life is not what I want to do with my life. Please try to understand.”

Later that same day my little boy came to me and I asked him, “Who do you want to be when you grow up?” My little boy replied, “I like to watch TV, play video games, draw in my sketchbook, sing and make things on my computer. When I am not doing those things I like running barefoot through the grass and watching the clouds. I also like to sit and watch the stars whenever you and mommy let me stay up late. When I grow up I want to be someone who does those things.”

I remembered what the adult had said to me so many years ago. So I smiled lovingly at my little boy, embraced him tightly and said, “If that is what you want to do with your life, then that is what you will do. You will watch TV, play video games, draw in your sketchbook, sing and make things on your computer. When you are not doing those things you will run barefoot through the grass and watch the clouds. Also from now on, you can sit and watch the stars for a little each night before you go to bed. Your mother and I love you, and we will support you in whatever you choose to do.”

My little boy gave me the biggest, brightest smile I had ever seen. I hugged him again, then after I released him I looked him straight in the eye and added, “… and don’t ever let anyone tell you that you have to do anything else with your life. Listen to your heart, follow your dreams and do what makes you happy.”

Then I took my little boy up to the attic, where I pulled out a big and dusty old box. I opened it up and took out the books I used to like to read, the video games I used to like to play, and the sketchbook in which I used to draw. I showed these things to my little boy and said, “When I was your age all I wanted to do is run barefoot through the grass and watch the clouds. When I grew a little older I wanted to watch TV, play video games, draw in my sketchbook, read and make things on my computer. When I was not doing those things I still liked to run barefoot through the grass and watch the clouds.”

“But when I became an adult I listened to what others said I should do and I did those things instead. I packed away all the things I loved to do into this box, where they have sat until this moment. Remember what I have shown you here today.” My little boy smiled, then ran downstairs to play.

Time passed, and I found I had become an old man. I no longer had to work and my children had left the house to start lives of their own. Now I had all the time I wanted, to do whatever I wanted. But my body was old, stiff and store. At best I could only walk slowly through the grass, wearing shoes. I could only stand outside so long before I had to sit down, and I could only sit down so long before I had to stand again. And I was always cold, so I could never stay outside very long, or I would get a painful cough.

I spent most of my time inside, reading books I could not remember I had read, trying to draw in my sketchbook with short, jerky movements and hands that always trembled. I had no interest in TV, video games or computers. One day my wife jokingly asked me, “Who do you want to be when you grow up?” My answer, and my very last words to her, were, “I just want to be myself.”