Feeling Alone, Even When Others Are There

‘It’s beautiful to be alone … it means the mind is not influenced or contaminated by society’ — J Krishnamurti

A few weeks ago, I woke up one morning in tears. Sensing an underlying but familiar feeling, I immediately wanted to shift the blame onto the closest person to me, my partner. But with not wanting to cause an argument or act irrationally, I showered to give myself some space to think. Upon coming out of the shower, I recognised that the feeling which made me upset was that of feeling alone. Not in the literal sense, but internally.

Many of us go through life and have different kinds of support from family and friends, and don’t recognise that we may still feel alone. It could be that we feel we are missing something or maybe the way in which others are showing up for us isn’t enough. I also believe this sense of feeling alone also comes down to how you interpret what you’re choosing to focus on and your definition of what alone means to you. It’s easy to acknowledge someone who feels physically alone, but internally is a lot more complex.

For myself, I really had to lean in to my vulnerability to be able to connect with what was coming up for me. Blaming my partner would be way too easy, and would be a sign of me deflecting.