I love you so put down that knife and roast the spaghetti squash whole

Hey. Look at me. I know where you’re at.

You want that spaghetti squash. You want to cut it and roast it and eat it. And that’s fine, and I don’t know your whole story or your pain, but I do know this.

I love you and you don’t have to cut that squash.

I’m serious.

Don’t be scared. No, stay with me. Don’t pick up that knife again! Just listen to what I’m saying. I can help you.

I know what you’re going through. I’ve been where you are, standing over that squash, tears in your eyes, wondering how long it’s going to take to cut all the way through.

It doesn’t have to be like this. There’s another way, a better way. It was better for me and goddammit it can be better for you, so put down that knife!

I love you and I hate seeing you like this. If you can just listen to me, then things will get better. I swear it.

Put down the knife and pick up a fork. Yes, that’s it, do it slowly. It’s going to be okay. Now, stab the squash, and stab it good! Just like you’d do with the knife, but it doesn’t have to go all the way through. Don’t you see sweetie — it doesn’t have to go all the way through.

Now do it five times, and then (thanks for staying with me—I know this isn’t easy for you), put the squash into a pan. You can use that one that you like.

You don’t have to cry. It’s going to be okay. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees, but listen, you don’t have to wait until it’s all heated up! You can put the squash in right now, honey, just put it in the oven.

Now stay with me for just a second longer, and don’t you forget for a moment that I love you! Set a timer for an hour and 20 minutes. After that, it’s going to be done.

It’ll all be over and you can just slice through the squash with a fork so smooth and tender and we won’t have to be scared anymore. We can put marinara sauce on it or whatever you want. We can do whatever you want, baby.

The world will be ours.