Annual Eagles Column Year 7: We’re Not Gonna Be a One-Hit Wonder
Editor’s Note: You are here. Where is here? Here is Year 7 of my annual Eagles column. It has become tradition that every summer when the Eagles report for training camp, I write a column. The 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, and 2019 columns can all be found at their respective links.
The column got its roots being somewhat analytical in nature, discussing direct football matters, but in recent years, it has morphed into taking a more metaphorical look at the state of the franchise. It is my pride and joy — the most important thing that I do on social and digital media all year long, and at the same time, I have left the door open on it potentially stopping at some point. I will never announce that in advance. When I leave something, I try to go somewhat quietly. There won’t be a Mariano Rivera or Derek Jeter type of retirement tour where the intentions are known well ahead of time. (For Yankees fans reading, I respect Jeter and love Mo. That is not in any way a shot at them, just not my style personally). It is evaluated on a year-to-year basis.
For a while, I thought we might go on hiatus this summer. With how scary a time it is in the world and my own skepticism on if there will be an NFL season, I wondered if it was perhaps time to take a break, but ironically, it was those exact factors that encouraged me to forge ahead, something I explained in more detail in this June video when I announced that the column would indeed return.
This year featured a lot of change for everyone — for me personally it has included getting married to my lovely wife Jaime and a new job. Knowing how uncertain things are in the world right now, I thought a constant could be good. I know that the column is not some magic elixir for COVID, unemployment, or anything else that people might be dealing with, but my hope is that as folks read it, they feel the same sense of momentary escape as I do while writing it.
While loyal readers will notice that it is different from previous years, I am incredibly proud of the finished product and believe that there is something for everyone — whether you’re a diehard Eagles fan or more of a casual reader simply along for the ride. Of course, my thoughts only go so far. It matters what YOU think, which is why I am always open to criticism provided it is respectful in nature.
The column is strategically organized into chapters, so you can easily keep your place if you decide to take a break, along the lines of reading a book.
If you do like the column, it would mean the absolute world to me if you shared it. The positive comments mean a lot, but link clicks are also a key goal of mine with my hope to have this floating around every corner of the Internet. Post it on Facebook and Twitter. Send the link in your group chat telling your friends to read. As I have stated in the past, I will never beg for views and shares, but if you are at all skeptical about reading it, please let me know if I can do anything to convince you that it will be worth your time.
Your readership means the absolute world to me, and I sincerely hope you enjoy the journey that we are about to embark on 🦅💚
Chapter 1: Zoom Golly Golly Golly
There is different, and then there is whatever the fucking hell this is.
You sit down at your wooden living room table and slowly open your laptop. How on Earth is it the first day of August already? Does time really fly during a global pandemic?
After stopping to take a sip of water from the green cup situated slightly to your right atop a television stand, you click the Google Chrome browser in the bottom-right-hand corner of your computer and open Zoom. In theory, this is second nature by now. After all, you’ve used Zoom plenty for work over the past 20 weeks, but this isn’t for work.
No, this is bigger than that. Much bigger.
A jolt of energy runs through your fingers as you enter the Zoom ID 3327301732 followed by the password 153841.
The time on your phone just changed to read 9:17 a.m. You are typically camera shy on Zoom, but you make an exception and fire up the video feature. Facial expressions will be important here — that is if anyone else actually joins.
27 seconds elapse. It feels like an hour. Your fingers begin to twitch. You shake your right leg slightly. Just prior to your phone reading 9:18, a black box pops up in your gallery view. The solid black box transforms into a face a few seconds later.
You breathe a sigh of relief.
“Howie,” you say in a loud voice. You catch yourself, trying to be careful to not interrupt your wife sleeping in the bedroom 20 feet away. You bring your voice down a few decibel levels.
“Good to see you,” you continue. “Was worried you were having some trouble getting on for a minute. Quite the impressive setup you got there.”
Howie sits back far enough from his screen where you can see multiple monitors surrounding him. It beats your home office configuration for sure, but that’s okay, you were never a really big monitor guy anyway.
“Yeah, all good man,” Howie says back, offering a casual start to the conversation. “We used Microsoft Teams for the draft and all the prep leading up to it, so I’m still getting used to Zoom a bit, but we should be rolling now.”
This is life. This is training camp 2020. It’s a far cry from the past five summers of epic adventure. There’s no road trip. Hell, there isn’t even a car, but there will hopefully be Opening Day in 43 days at FedExField in Landover. Until you hear otherwise, that’s how you’ve chosen to prepare.
‘That’s how we HAVE to prepare,’ you say in your head, channeling a mini Herb Brooks impression for no one to hear.
Chapter 2: Hurts So Good
“Yeah, I’m kinda glad you brought up the draft, Howie,” you respond with a mini smile that says ‘Good, now I don’t have to awkwardly introduce the topic on my own.’
“Should we start there?” you ask.
Howie doesn’t say anything, and at first you worry he’s having technical difficulties, but he nods his head, an indication that you’re good to keep going.
You take an extra second to gather yourself, and just as you go to open your mouth, Howie jumps in again.
“Hit me,” he says. “I’ve heard it all for the past three months. There’s nothing you will say that hasn’t been said to me already.”
“I guess…I guess,” you say.
‘Come the fuck on, out with it, you tell yourself.’
“I guess in the most polite way possible, what the hell happened on Thursday and Friday night?” you ask. “I mean, did you Command F ‘Jalen’ in pre-draft prep and your computer just got stuck on the name?”
Howie cracks up laughing.
“Nice job,” he says. He’s still laughing, but you can make out the words audibly enough. “I didn’t hear that one yet. You might have found the one question I haven’t had to answer.”
The backhanded compliment didn’t do anything for you.
“Howie, this really isn’t funny,” you say. “Those two nights were arguably the biggest chances to make our football team better, and I gotta be honest, I’m not sure how much you really did that.”
A usually smooth talker even in uncomfortable situations, Howie doesn’t answer right away, so you decide to temporarily change the topic to something lighter.
“Where’s Doug by the way?” you ask. “Wasn’t he supposed to be on this?”
“Going over some final health protocols with the new medical staff before meeting with the team,” says Howie. “Tom Hunkele’s running a tight ship over there. I really think he’s gonna do wonders for us.”
The final line is what you needed to get back on track with football related matters.
“Well, I hope so,” you say. “Lord knows we don’t need any more medical staff drama and changes there. So let’s talk about Jalen. There were a lot of good players on the board. What prompted you to pick him?”
Howie cracks a smile. “I mean, have you watched him at all?” he asks. “Have you seen his game speed? That speed is gonna open up so many things for our offensive in terms of him being an explosive playmaker and home run threat. Gonna be a great downfield target for Carson.”
You’re puzzled. ‘Backup quarterback Jalen Hurts is gonna be a great downfield target for Carson Wentz? This makes less sense than the explanation on draft night.
Suddenly you realize where this got confusing. You’re asking about Jalen Hurts. Howie is talking about Jalen Reagor. It’s early. Your brain isn’t firing on all cylinders quite yet.
“Howie, that’s my fault,” you say, looking to take accountability for your mistake.
“I should have been more specific and guess I gotta be clear about which Jalen I’m referring to from now on. I’m asking you about Friday night, Jalen Hurts. For what it’s worth, I’ve come around on the Jalen Reagor selection. I mean I liked both Justin Jefferson and Denzel Mims better, and then there’s the whole CeeDee Lamb element, but I think Reagor’s speed is gonna add a different element to the offense. We can meet in the middle there. Talk to me about Jalen Hurts.”
This has been a humorous but painful reminder of the several miscommunications that can come with the good that technology brings.
“Well, I think it’s like I told everyone that night,” says Howie. “We are quarterback developers. We want to be a quarterback factory, and you know, I didn’t mention this then, but we once had the opportunity to draft a pretty good quarterback who ended up in Seattle in April 2012 and didn’t, so even with an all-world talent like Carson, I wasn’t going to let that happen again.”
You are now sitting back slightly and move your hands, a sign of both nerves and exasperation all in one. Howie can see that you’ve done exactly that.
“You know what I just find super ironic about this?” Howie asks. You sense it’s a rhetorical question. Your senses were correct. Your brain is slowly emerging from the morning fog.
“Is that you like Jalen Hurts,” Howie continues. “You’ve said that before Tua came along that Jalen was the best quarterback of Nick Saban’s dynasty at Alabama. You said that he should be the first quarterback drafted on Day 2. You LOVED him in college.”
None of this is inaccurate.
“Oh yeah,” says Howie, now feeling like he has taken the upper-hand in this conversation. “I kept the receipts. I’ve seen the tweets.”
It’s your turn to talk again. Even though the time on your laptop has barely moved, it feels like it’s been hours since you got a word in.
“You are correct,” you say calmly.
“I did say all of those things. I really do like Jalen Hurts as a prospect. I just never thought I would have to evaluate it under the microscope of him being on our roster, especially as a second round pick. I wish he landed with a team where he would really have a chance to play. I know you like to use the word ‘value’ a lot when it comes to the draft, but to me of equal importance is oppppportuuuunityyyy costttt, and that decision came at a big one.”
You were so focused on stretching out the syllables in opportunity cost that you didn’t realize a person was no longer visible on the other end by the time you finished.
“Be back in a few minutes,” you can hear Howie faintly yelling in the background of Zoom. “Getting some water and gotta check on my kids.”
You use the time to pore over notes on a few other things you want to talk about. Last summer, time like this might have been spent memorizing the Washington Football Team’s depth chart, quizzing yourself on the names and numbers of different positions. You’ve got that shit on lockdown. You’ve had it on lockdown since the schedule came out in early May. Such is life when you have the same Week 1 opponent two consecutive years and three of the past four.
There’s also a surprise waiting for Howie when he comes back.
“Alright what the fuck, take that thing down now,” Howie says as he settles back into his chair.
While he was gone, you changed your Zoom background to him and Chip Kelly standing next to each other. You begin laughing, but Howie didn’t find it as funny as you did and hasn’t joined in the laughter.
“Why the hell would you do that? What the fuck is wrong with you?” Howie asks.
Still giggling, you say “I would need a whole lot more time than this Zoom call to answer your second question, but I felt like you weren’t fully listening when I was talking about the opportunity cost with Jalen Hurts, and I knew this would get your attention.”
Chapter 3: Hello
“Figure out a different way to do it,” Howie says back to you while fully reappearing in the screen and reconfiguring his seat.
You remove the background and attempt to pick up where you left off.
“Look, the Russell Wilson angle. I get that. Placing an emphasis on backup quarterback, absolutely. Ironically speaking of Russ, I think if Jalen is on the team last year and has to come into the playoff game instead of Josh, we probably win the game, but I also think there’s a prevailing thought that you could have upgraded the position in a different way and still used your second round pick to improve the roster elsewhere.”
“I think you hit the nail on the head with how you started,” Howie responds. “Backup quarterback, second most important position on the team.”
It now feels like you’re arguing in circles.
“Yes,” you answer back. “But there was Andy Dalton. Joe Flacco. I would have advocated to give Suds a chance. Inevitably there are going to be injuries at other positions over the course of 16+ games, and I don’t want our season going off the rails because we don’t have the depth in certain spots to overcome those.”
“Alright, let’s take it in a different direction,” says Howie. “Who should we have picked instead? You tell me.”
You were ready for this.
“I mean off the bat I would have been thrilled with Mims, AJ Epenesa, Jeremy Chinn. Three very valuable positions in their own right with receiver, defensive end, and safety, and I mean you talk about not wanting to make the same mistake twice, a more recent example, Mims reminds me a lot of DK Metcalf.”
You could have listed more players, but there appears to be a rustling noise coming through Zoom, and it’s not Howie. His speaker box is quiet, but a third person has joined the meeting.
You inch closer to your screen to figure out what’s going on. Howie already beat you to it.
“YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!”
That was Howie’s box talking this time.
Simultaneously but independently, you figured out what was happening by looking closer at the third name on the screen. You probably didn’t need to. Howie’s reaction gave it away.
Chip Kelly has entered your Zoom.
Before you can attempt to get control of the situation, Howie drops off, his final line a resounding “I’m out,” reminiscent of Doug’s Friday press conference before Rams week in 2018.
For all that’s different, this suddenly is somewhat familiar.
You are now the host of the meeting.
Chapter 4: Mary Had a Little Lamb
“Chip what are you doing here?” you ask in a tone that suggests a mixture of shock and tranquility all in one if that’s even possible.
There is laughter on the other end but no verbal communication. For a second you wonder if this is all some inception type dream, but it’s clearly Chip on your Zoom. He slightly shifts his positioning, an act intended to leave no doubt that it truly is him and not some cardboard cutout or prank.
“Chip really, man, what are you doing here?” you ask again, this time elaborating a bit. “I was just getting somewhere with Howie, and now if he even comes back on, I’m gonna have to start all over again.”
There was some subtle strategy behind that elaboration. You knew the mere mention of Howie would get Chip to talk.
“Do you see now why I had reservations about working with Howie? This is what I was referring to,” Chip says.
You figured something like this might be coming, but he’s not done yet.
In a line straight out of Rami Malek’s playbook from the Season 1 finale of Mr. Robot following the Evil Corp hack, Chip goes “I told you we shouldn’t have done this.”
“You look good by the way.” When Chip gets on a roll, he really can talk. “Drop some weight?”
This one gets a slight smile out of you.
“Hah, pre-quarantine I was definitely looking good,” you say back. “I don’t know about now. I think you’re just used to me having red bloodshot eyes since whenever you’ve seen me in past summers I’ve been driving for double digit hours and running on essentially no sleep.”
“Yeah, no road trip this year, huh?” asks Chip. “That’s gotta be different.”
“Definitely weird,” you say. “Haven’t left my apartment in months. I mean the past five years, south to Atlanta, out west to San Fran, up to Connecticut, out west again to Oregon, NOLA last year. It’s the end of a streak for sure, but I couldn’t justify doing it with what’s going on right now. Even while wearing a mask, I’d be worried that I was putting either myself or someone else at risk with that type of drive right now.”
It’s now 9:45 a.m.
You know that time is limited to catch Howie before he leaves for the complex, and that may take some convincing and thus require even more time after what just unfolded.
“But really Chip, what are you doing here?” turning back to your original question.
He presses with his original question as well. “Do you see why I had reservations about working with Howie? I wasn’t making it up.”
“I’ll answer your question first, but then you need to answer mine. I don’t think the draft was Howie’s finest moment, which is definitely a trend. He hasn’t had the best year going back to the 2019 offseason, BUT, and it’s a big but, he won a Super Bowl. He’s made the playoffs three straight seasons, and to get ahead of a couple counter arguments, yeah we got a bit lucky in 2018 with the Vikings choking in Week 17 and obviously benefited from a bad division last season, but you don’t preside over a team that goes to the playoffs three straight seasons without doing some things right.”
This is the longest you have been able to talk without being interrupted. Having barely stopped between sentences, you use a second to take a breath.
“I don’t need you to agree, but if I’m going to talk about it with you, I need to try to convey that it’s part of the equation. This is a tangent, but it’s similar with how Carson Wentz is viewed when reflecting on 2017. Yes, he didn’t play in the Super Bowl, but if people can’t see that he contributed to the team winning the Super Bowl, they’re blind. He got them off to a 10–2 start. They had the best record in the league.
Howie’s not perfect, but I generally agree with his philosophy on how to build a winner, and while he doesn’t always excel at picking the players to fit that high-level philosophy, he’s built some pretty solid teams including one great team”
You pause again. Aside from taking a drink out of a blue UCLA cup, Chip has largely listened intently without moving.
“Anyways, I answered your question. I know it probably wasn’t exactly what you wanted to hear, but I think it was a fair response, so now you answer me: “What are you doing here?”
“Took up Zoom hacking,” says Chip while smiling.
His answer wasn’t as elaborative as yours.
“I figured based on the time of year you might be doing something and wanted to test out my skills and see if I could get the credentials,” he continues. “And 3327. That was me. That was my first game, and I know how much emphasis you put on Week 1, so once I had that, it honestly was pretty easy from there.”
Now this truly makes less sense than Howie’s draft night explanation for Jalen Hurts, and honestly that’s a low bar to begin with.
“Chip man, aren’t there better things you can be doing with your time? I mean for someone who talks about efficiency…”
“Oh don’t worry,” Chip says back with a wink. “Took me less than five minutes.”
You have no idea where to take it from here.
“If it means anything, I saw Jalen up close last year. Played real well. Three touchdowns through the air. One on the ground.”
Duh, you think. You knew this. Why didn’t you think of this earlier?
“That’s right,” you say. “That one went pretty poorly, didn’t it?”
This prompts an old but familiar line.
“You bein a wise ass?” asks Chip.
“As I told you 374 days ago walking around New Orleans, Chip, I never really understood that rhetorical question, but no, I’m not being ‘a wise ass,” you say, sorta annoyed, sorta amused.
“I didn’t watch it, but I remember keeping an eye on the score of that game, and all I was saying was that it looked kinda lopsided. That’s all.”
Chip thankfully doesn’t get stuck on it and pivots back to his original talking point.
“Well regardless, Jalen was good,” he reiterates again.
“That’s nice to hear,” you say in response while taking a gulp of water.
“How about CeeDee?” you ask. “What am I dealing with there? How much do I have to worry?”
“You know CeeDee only touched the ball twice,” says Chip.
You have an idea of what’s coming next but wanted to hear it from another perspective.
“But he scored both times he touched it,” adds Chip. “He nearly made a spectacular one-handed catch. Foot landed barely out of bounds, but it would have been catch of the year material had he pulled it off. Lit me up in 2018 when we played in Norman. May not have the straight line speed of some other receivers, but he’s definitely a threat to change a game whenever he touches the ball and someone you have to account for before every play. I can’t tell you how to cover him because clearly we weren’t great at it, but I will say a 5 foot 9 Avonte Maddox may not be the best matchup to try.”
You remember fondly that when you remove some of the other surrounding elements it can be nice talking straight football with Chip.
“That unfortunately all makes sense to me. I appreciate the intel, Chip.”
“And he could be on your team had you guys been more aggressive, but now you see why I had reservations about working with Howie and tried what I did,” Chip says.
You take a breath.
“I mean, Chip, you got rid of DeSean Jackson in his prime coming off a career year because you didn’t like him. I do appreciate the scouting report on CeeDee from someone who saw it up close and personal, but you’re not exactly an authority on all things wide receiver personnel decisions.”
Chip doesn’t say anything. You’re relieved. DeSean will come up again later.
A tweet alert comes across your phone from Adam Schefter. Nothing major, but you notice that it’s now 10:15 a.m.
“I should go,” you say. “You really shouldn’t crash people’s Zoom meetings, but it was nice talking to you Chip. Stay well. I’m skeptical college football is gonna happen, but if you guys report for camp, take care of your players. I saw some of them have concerns. I don’t know all the facts, so I’m not gonna ask you about it. Just take care of them, and take care of yourself.”
In a scene resembling the traffic light one in New Orleans last summer, Chip nods. You nod. He leaves the meeting. There’s no one left on the Zoom.
Chapter 5: Come Clean
You haven’t been at this for very long, but it feels like a day already despite being early in the morning still. Howie thankfully picks up your phone call after the third ring.
“I can explain,” you say holding the phone a few feet away bracing for some metaphorical pushback. “I know you probably gotta leave your house soon, but let’s get back on the Zoom, I’ll set it up this time, and we’ll knock a few other things out.”
It sounds scripted, but you figured it was your best shot.
Howie — at least over the phone — sounds amenable to that. Four minutes later, you’re back on Zoom. Howie has changed out of some workout gear into a midnight green Eagles polo shirt and some additional sunlight coming through his window results in a slight glare on the screen, but other than that, things look exactly how they did an hour ago.
He also picks up right where things left off with the first line out of his mouth being “Alright, what the hell was that?”
“Howie, when you set up the Zoom, did you use the waiting room feature that I told you about?” you ask. “I figured you probably didn’t when I was able to get in before you.”
Howie looks at you as if you’re speaking a foreign language.
“I did not, but you told me what meeting ID and password to use. You promised it was strong,” Howie says pointing at you through the screen in a motion where it feels like his finger is piercing your heart.
“Yeah,” you say with a defeated sigh. “I was probably too overconfident there. Chip knows me too well.”
“I’d say so,” Howie remarks back in a slightly underhanded tone.
“From now on, you can make the passwords. I do apologize that happened, but I think you have to remember that you won and not take it so personally. You’re a Super Bowl winning NFL General Manager while he’s currently coaching a college team that’s not even the most popular in its own city, and if it’s any consolation, he had very good things to say about Jalen Hurts, and I defended you pretty good.”
“Great,” Howie says, still a bit underhanded but certainly making progress. “Are you sold now that he said Jalen is good?”
You let out a laugh to try to loosen the mood.
“Well, he also had really good things to say about CeeDee too. I didn’t plan for him coming onto our Zoom to happen, but one of the reasons I was excited to talk to him when he found us was that he played against Oklahoma last year. I wanted to hear it from his perspective.”
“So what did he even say?” asks Howie. “Did you bring back something groundbreaking?”
“Not really,” you say. “But I’m glad your dry sense of humor is coming back.”
You’re in a better mood now.
“He basically said that Jalen can play, but CeeDee is certainly gonna be a problem to deal with twice a year, and — I’m admittedly paraphrasing here though I don’t think it’s a stretch — he thought it was a bit weird that you would watch tape of Oklahoma last season and decide that in keeping our second round pick rather than using it to try to strike a deal with the Falcons and jump the Cowboys in the first round that you essentially determined you would rather have a backup quarterback in Jalen on the team as opposed to a potential number one wide receiver.”
You didn’t discuss this next part with Chip but felt it was as good of a time as ever to bring it up, going on a slight tangent.
“And not to mention, that second round pick could have been used to acquire DeAndre Hopkins back in March. Can you imagine DeAndre in this offense? I’ve worked with Bill O’Brien in the past, so I know that his trade demands can sometimes vary across teams. Maybe he wanted more from you than he did the Cardinals, but we really should have been in on that one.”
Unlike an hour ago, Howie seems like he’s fully listening, so you continue.
“It’s just hard because I think you’re picturing a scenario where you ultimately trade Jalen before his contract is up for something worth more than a late second round pick, kinda along the lines of what the Patriots did with Jimmy Garoppolo, but Garoppolo played in 2016 when Tom was suspended the first four games. The best case scenario as it pertains to the team is that Carson stays healthy and Jalen doesn’t play, and a byproduct of that ideal situation is that with not playing, Jalen doesn’t show off the attractive skill set to other teams that would increase his trade value. Unless you’re counting on him absolutely lighting it up in the 2021 preseason where a quarterback needy team in a few years is impressed and comes calling, it’s hard to see how the pieces connect to a larger plan.”
You check and see if Howie is still there. Indeed he is.
“And you wanna try Taysom Hill stuff, sure,” you keep going. “I’m all for innovation, but Taysom was undrafted out of college, and playing devil’s advocate for a second, what has that gotten the Saints? Two straight years of home playoff losses where they were favored going in?”
“FUCK. The. Saints,” you say raising your voice on the final syllable.
You were going to add a qualifier that Malcolm is still cool but decide to keep it to yourself, unsure how the relationship is there between the two of them.
This prompts a legitimate laugh from Howie.
“Now that final sentence is something we can agree on,” Howie says. You were hoping he would curse and say ‘Fuck the Saints’ back, but still in his home office, you figure perhaps his kids are around.
“Should we just quit while we’re ahead and stop there?” Howie asks with another chuckle.
Chapter 6: Just What I Needed
You open your mouth to answer Howie, not fully knowing what you’re going to say, when all of a sudden you’re distracted by once again another person joining the Zoom.
“I swear,” Howie says. “I swear if this happens again…”
Your concerns are quickly eased as you see the new participant turn on their video feature.
“Howie look, it’s Doug! Hi Doug,” you say waving through your screen. “Can you hear us? Say something.”
Doug takes a minute fidgeting with his audio. The video goes black for a second before returning to show Doug ripping a mask off his face.
“I think we’re good,” Doug says.
You unplug your headphones as Doug’s voice echoes off the walls of your living room, featuring your massive Super Bowl frame in the background.
“Morning coach,” Howie says in a more professional tone than you used. “Good to see you.”
Chapter 7: Don’t Go Breaking My Heart
“Likewise,” answers Doug. “Just need another few seconds to get settled in here. Was coming from a meeting with our medical staff about COVID protocols as we try to keep things running smoothly from the jump here — doctors, trainers, sports performance, everyone, so we all had the masks on. Gotta be safe.”
“No doubt. I mean I’m not goin anywhere, but I got my Eagles face covering right here if at some point I need to drop off my laundry, that type of stuff,” you say while waving the green mask in front of the screen for both to see.
10:26 a.m.
“I know we have a couple other things we want to get into, and time is limited before you guys hold some meetings, so I’ll make this part as quick as possible,” you say.
You survey your surroundings, momentarily forgetting that you’re not all together, attempting to individually make eye contact with both Doug and Howie. This will be one of the most important things you say, more critical than any specifics about the draft or any individual roster decisions that might come up later.
“Look, I think you guys are both familiar with the Phillies of the past decade and a half. Doug, I know you threw out the first pitch on Opening Day in 2018 fresh off the Super Bowl, and Howie you’ve been in the area for a long time to remember 2008.”
You’re hoping that adding a bit of a personal touch will help them connect with the analogy that you are about to make.
“Obviously 2008 was incredible with the World Series. Brought absolute joy to the city. Then 2009 was a really valiant championship defense effort, came up two games short to a loaded Yankees team, much like our 2018 run against the Saints. Then they made the playoffs for two more years thereafter, but the end result of each season kept ultimately backsliding. World Series win. World Series loss. NLCS loss. NLDS loss. Missed the playoffs.
They got very attached to players from a sentimental standpoint who were part of that 2008 team but could no longer play at that same level. Eventually it started to unravel where that braintrust with Charlie and Ruben both ultimately lost their jobs. It reached the point where the goodwill from a championship wasn’t enough to save them.”
You stop for a second to pound your right fist against the table that your laptop is situated on in your living room. It’s loud enough for them to hear and also to make both your machine and table shake up and down a couple of times.
“I. Don’t. Want. That. To. Be. The. Two. Of. You,” you say, taking an audible pause after each word.
“That Phillies core — they should have won one more. Some of it was bad luck, but some of it was personnel and coaching decisions too. We’re not gonna be a one-hit wonder. You guys have put too much work in for that.”
Chapter 8: Behind These Hazel Eyes
So much for being quick, but you’re on a roll now. This is the part of the offseason that always gets you fired up. The world is your oyster. There’s no adversity to deal with yet.
“No realistic fan truly expects to win the Super Bowl every year. It’s fucking hard. When you consider that Russ didn’t start playing until 2012, I’d argue Drew Brees and Aaron Rodgers were the two best quarterbacks of the decade in the NFC. Neither of them has been to the big game in nine years. If that doesn’t illustrate that it’s hard, I don’t know what does, but we’re not gonna be the Saints nor the Packers.
I expect that we will win another Super Bowl within the next five years. That’s the current length of Cars’ contract. That’s a reasonable expectation for the fanbase collectively to have.
Can we do it this year? You guys tell me.”
Doug goes to open his mouth.
You lift up your left hand and continue talking.
“Doug, hang on, I’m not finished yet. Regardless of how you answer, I think we’re at a really crucial juncture. Three years straight in the dance is great, but the next step in this backslide is being on the outside looking in. No one has repeated as NFC East champion since we did it in 2004. It’s one of my favorite statistics in football because of how ridiculous it is when you consider that every other division has had a repeat champion within the past five years. I expect us to be in the playoffs. 2004, Howie, I think you were working on contracts in some back office of NovaCare. Doug, I believe you were in your final season as Brett’s backup in Green Bay. The Cowboys have a good roster, and a slightly easier schedule. I don’t know which way I’m leaning for the division yet. You guys know me. I don’t go on the record with predictions until days before the season. Of course, there’s multiple paths to the playoffs especially with seven teams.”
You pause for a second to look directly at Howie.
“But it’s like you’ve said on the record in the past Howie, how a team gets to the playoffs makes a big difference. Double digit wins and a top two seed where you get either a bye or at the very least two home games is MASSIVE. We know it. We lived it in 2017. No team who has played on Wildcard Weekend has reached the Super Bowl since the 2012 Ravens. There’s a clear pattern of what it takes to get there.”
Now you rotate your head slightly to make eye contact with Doug, your hazel eyes locking in with his salt and pepper hair.
“It doesn’t matter what I think,” you say. “You need to make the men in that locker room believe that we can buck a 15 year trend — that we can go take that division again and more.
To be perfectly clear, I don’t believe either of your jobs are remotely in jeopardy, nor should they be, but that third year post-title is when people start really putting more of a critical eye to things, and having lived through the collapse of the Phillies, I want to tell you everything I know. That’s all I got for now. To take a page out of your mentor’s playbook: Times Yours.”
In your head, you’re slow-clapping for yourself, but that would be a little extra to actually do on screen. You put yourself on mute as Howie begins talking, a subtle gesture that you have said your piece and are willing to listen.
“Finally, I think you have communicated something that I can relate to after the mess that was a lot of the past hour. I agree with everything you just said.”
Whoa, what did Howie say? You were not expecting that.
“You know, I know there were some unpopular decisions throughout the offseason, but I think we brought in some really good players in Javon, Darius, Nickell. I know the offense was pretty ravaged with injuries by the end of last year, but Miles going into Year 2 after what he did down the stretch to help get us to the playoffs. I think we have a lot of talent, and Coach is ready to get the most out of them with his revamped staff.”
You make a mental note to come back to the coaching staff later. You miss the cross-country drives, but it’s nice when your brain is properly working.
“And look,” Howie continues. “I can’t really talk about specific players on other teams or I get hit with tampering allegations, but you brought up opportunity cost. The Cowboys lost a lot of talent on defense in free agency, and they opted not to address that in the first round of the draft. They’re gonna score, but I think they’re gonna give up points too.”
Doug jumps into the conversation.
“And I really think we have an advantage with some of the continuity we have. Mike down in Dallas, Ron in DC, Joe in New York, they haven’t even gotten to spend any time with their teams in-person to build that culture and trust that we already have. I knew I could count on our guys through this virtual offseason to get their work done, and I really think that’s gonna pay off,” he says.
You click to unmute yourself.
“I love it. This is all great. This is the attitude we need. Now we need to go make it happen, and hopefully from a health standpoint we’ll be able to do that.”
Chapter 9: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Howie slightly adjusts his posture in his chair. “Howie,” you say. “I know you gotta leave soon, and we’ve got a couple roster things to discuss. You want to take the wheel on that?”
Doug chimes in again.
“Real quick,” he says. “If this is what I expect, it’s gonna focus a lot on a couple pending questions on offense that are more to do with contracts than X’s and O’s, so I’m gonna largely sit back, but knowing that offense will occupy a lot of the time, is there anything you want me to relay to Coach Schwartz about the defense?”
While it is nothing new, Doug’s position of not needing to be crazy involved with personnel is certainly appreciated by Howie and also indirectly by you as well.
You speak up.
“It’s clear that Jim has proven very capable in the role. I thought the game he called Week 16 against the Cowboys last year was a masterpiece — his Mona Lisa. I would just tell him to embrace some creativity. If he’s really interested in this positionless type of football that some of the offseason moves suggest, that requires the willingness to get weird at times where it’s more than just rushing four and playing softer coverage.
I expect that when the lights go on at FedExField on September 13th that Darius will be shadowing Terry McLaurin. We saw last year that McLaurin is a guy who can threaten to change a game, and Howie, you gave him a player like Darius to cover the opposing team’s best receiver. We all appreciate Jalen Mills for how he plays, but if he’s not picking things up at safety, I’m a big fan of K’Von Wallace out of Clemson. That was good work by you, Howie.”
Not expecting a draft related compliment, Howie nods his head.
“The last thing I’ll add is give Sid a real chance. I think he’s gonna beat Avonte out for that open outside cornerback job if Jim gives him a fair shake. Everyone points to the big pass breakup he made against Dallas, but I thought the one two weeks earlier against the Giants was huge for his confidence and set him up for that moment against the Cowboys. Don’t sleep on him.”
You stop talking and quickly get up to pour yourself a fresh glass of water.
“All you, Howie,” you say loud enough for Zoom to clearly pick up the sound even if you’re momentarily not pictured within the screen. “Let’s talk roster.”
Howie perks up in his home office chair, collects a few papers, and begins speaking.
Editor’s Note: The following was penned back on July 2nd prior to the Eagles re-signing of Jason Peters and a few other notable NFL transactions including the Jets-Seahawks trade involving Jamal Adams and former Eagle Nigel Bradham signing with the Saints. If you don’t believe me, you are free to subpoena my computer. We have made the editorial decision to publish in its original form so you can see how accurate we were.
“Alright, first one we got is JP and whether or not we want to bring him in. Mr. Lurie may need to get involved here, so I don’t know that we can truly decide anything, but let’s hear it. Doug, I think I know where you stand here already. You mentioned that you’ve talked to him once or twice and would love to have him back, but I know of equal importance you’ve talked up Andre a lot publicly. So unless you have anything new there, I don’t necessarily need to hear from you on this one.”
Doug stays quiet, so you take it as a cue to speak up, raising your hand to signal your willingness to do so.
“What do you got” Howie asks.
“Brandon’s injury made this a tough one,” you start off. “Throughout the offseason, I was saying no, and I acknowledge that what I’m now about to say clashes a bit with the sentimentality point I was making earlier, but I really do think it could be a good idea to bring him in. We went from having four pretty sure things on the offensive line in Isaac, Kelce, Brandon, and Lane to now only three things and two question marks. I say bring him in.”
You have a habit of repeating yourself when you’re either nervous, not fully confident in your answer, or both. Howie picks up on it.
“Are you asking me or telling me?” he asks.
This hurts you to admit since you thought Andre played well at left tackle last year when forced into action, but you have to acknowledge some of the noise that everyone heard throughout the offseason.
“With a 1 year deal, you can make it work from a cap standpoint. Bring him in, and we’ll figure out the best place to put him be it left tackle or right guard. Ultimately, I think he’ll be one of the five best linemen on the team, and also good for the chemistry of that position group to have him around.”
You don’t know what will happen, but that at least sounded more convincing.
You can hear Howie typing out a few notes in his computer. “Alright,” he says. “Next topic. Alshon. What do we think there?”
“I think guaranteeing his 2020 contract before last season wasn’t your finest move, Howie” you say.
This elicited a chuckle from Doug.
“Being serious though, obviously Alshon is a Super Bowl hero and was a huge part of our 2017 team, but I don’t think we can make decisions on that or even based on money here. We have to think about overall team culture in this case. Look, I took anything Josina said with a grain of salt, but Howard Eskin flat out named Alshon as the anonymous source criticizing Carson — and even criticizing you Howie, when he brought up not being more aggressive in trying to acquire Jalen Ramsey.
I know we’re not gonna recoup anything in a trade with him injured, but I think we just need to take the L and move on. I don’t think it’s good having him around the locker room and team.”
It pains you to say some of this, but it’s necessary.
“Josina,” Howie says. “I almost forgot about her. “You feel bad she lost her job at ESPN?”
You were ready for this one.
“No,” you say resoundingly.
This catches Doug’s attention as he knows you’re not one to typically give one-word answers, especially that word.
“I know an angry mob on Twitter might come for me, but she wasn’t good at her job. I’ve had her blocked on there since last year and not once have I felt uninformed about league news.”
Sensing this conversation could go off the rails, Howie tries to refocus.
“I hear everything you said, but in the last full game Alshon played down in Miami he had one of his best games as an Eagle. If healthy at some point, I think he can really contribute, especially as a nice balance to some of the speed we’ve added. Really good red zone threat.”
You figured this was coming. Howie has some incentive to try to make this work since the team would be on the hook for more than 16 million dollars in dead cap money if they release him.
“Here’s what I know,” you say, a tone in your voice that this time leaves no doubt from a confidence standpoint.
“Something changed at halftime of that first Giants game — the true last game he played — and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the turning point of the season occurred when it became clear that neither him nor Nelly were coming back for the rest of the year.
Carson started spreading the ball around without feeling any pressure to make sure the two of them got targets. God bless Nick, but guys like Greg and Boston, they weren’t really here for any of that, don’t carry any baggage. It felt like a weight off everyone’s shoulders where the team just started having fun again, and that was abundantly clear not just from the outside but in watching All Or Nothing too. We saw how united everyone was during that stretch run.
This is your call. You’re gonna do whatever you’re gonna do, but don’t forget about the night that got our season back on course, and I don’t think it happens if Alshon doesn’t leave the game with the foot injury.”
Sensing a good bit of tension through the Zoom, you try to lighten the mood.
“Doug,” you say. “You’ve been kinda quiet during all of this. You upset that we’re not discussing Sprolesy this year? If he didn’t retire, Howie was really gonna have to tell you no this time around.”
Doug’s previously stoic face sheds a visible tear.
“I love that little dude,” says Doug.
You nod. We all do.
“We’ll see him in Canton,” you say.
Chapter 10: Tears of a Clown
Bringing up Sprolesy made the room emotional.
You let everyone breathe, count out 11 Mississippi in your head and break the silence.
“Good stuff,” you say with a clap of your hands.
“I feel like we got through all of the key topics on offense. I guess to circle back to a couple things on defense that I think we’re — myself included — probably avoiding. I know we’ve been linked to both Jamal and Yannick, and Howie, I don’t expect you to get either of them. You know my stance. In our last three playoff games, we’ve scored 16, 14, and 9 points. If we’re giving up future draft picks, it should be to increase the likelihood of having a healthy and consistent offense, but there is a guy out there who only costs money. I’m not gonna say his name. You know who I’m talking about. The past two seasons, he’s tried multiple times to knock our quarterbacks out of games and was successful in January. I hate that I’m even asking but what do you think?”
Howie repeats your question back at you.
“What do YOU think?” he asks.
“I think there’s a reason you didn’t trade for him last summer when the Texans asking price was pretty cheap. I know there’s a reason why no team has been willing to meet his contract demands. Even if it only takes a reasonable 1-year deal, I still have at most 5% interest and that might be being generous. It goes back to a lot of what I said about Jalen Hurts, and I don’t know what you’re gonna decide with Alshon, but I think you can only undermine Cars so much in one offseason, and I know Cars said he would be fine with whatever helps put the team in the best position to win, but when you look at the emphasis you’ve put on culture and the resilient locker room that Doug has built, I don’t think it’s the right move for us. I don’t even need to hear from you right now if you don’t want to share. I trust you.”
Howie nods.
You hold up a finger in the air to signal one final point.
“Much less sensitive of a subject, but Nigel is still out there as a free agent. I know he had a tendency for stepping up in a big game, which we all appreciated, and that the linebacker depth is shaky, but while less extreme than Alshon, I kinda feel like that one also ran its course from a locker room standpoint as well where it’s best we not go back there.”
“I think we like what we have in Nate and TJ,” says Howie.
Even though you agree with the TJ part more than the Nate part, you breathe a sigh of relief.
“Glad we’re on the same page there,” you say adding a fist pump at the end.
Chapter 11: The Reason
The fist pump felt good. It also came with the small price of accidentally hitting buttons on your computer with the follow through. Music starts playing out loud.
I’m not a perfect person
There’s many things I wish I didn’t do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
Zoom may not always be a true gauge of facial expressions, but Doug and Howie both look at you like you’re insane as you quickly reach for the volume button before it continues into the second verse.
“Hoobastank? Really man!?” says Doug.
It’s a far cry from Dreams and Nightmares. You can feel your face turning slightly red as you try to get back on track.
“I know. I know,” you say. “I gotta do better, but I do think it’s relevant to something. We should probably talk about DeSean, right? I feel like it will be irresponsible if we don’t.”
They both nod in unison.
“I’ll give you the floor there,” says Howie. “We put out the statement a couple weeks ago and are making sure that DeSean understands that there’s still a lot of work to be done and something of this magnitude doesn’t get fixed or end overnight.”
This is not a conversation you expected to be having a month ago, but you are glad you get to share your perspective.
You exhale deeply and begin speaking.
“Obviously to start, what DeSean posted was awful and there’s no place for it. I do think that you and Jeffrey have gone about it in the right way provided the fine money is going to Jewish efforts and DeSean understands that community outreach and education is something that doesn’t have an end point. He continues to do it throughout the rest of his career.
There’s no excuse for what he posted, and I understand there’s a razor thin fine line between excuses and context here, but I do believe it’s important to take context into account. DeSean grew up in a very rough part of Los Angeles. He’s always had a chip on his shoulder, and between that upbringing and spending his entire adult life in an NFL locker room, I don’t think he’s spent time around a lot of Jewish people — if any Jewish people.
To me, what he did was much more ignorance than malicious hate, and I think that’s an important line of delineation. I also think cancel culture has a contradictory way of demanding accountability and change but then automatically deciding that anything the person does isn’t good enough and still wishing to end said person’s livelihood.”
Howie motions for you to continue with him and Doug still intently listening, sensing you have more to add.
“I just think we would all be better off if we invested a little less time in the cancellation business and more in the self-education and reflection business. To quote Hoobastank, I know that — quite literally — ‘I’m not a perfect person.’ There’s more I need to learn about Black Lives Matter and various equality movements, and I just think the Internet at times has fostered a culture of everyone trying to claim a moral high ground and play God with other people’s lives.”
You exhale again.
“Some might say that being Jewish, I should have a stronger response, and that’s okay. Do I want to win football games and believe DeSean when healthy gives us a better chance to do that? Yes, but if you cut him, it’s not going to end his career. Another team will sign him in a week, and that doesn’t teach the intended lesson. In a way, that almost provides a natural excuse for the behavior. He should have the opportunity to educate himself and hopefully use his platform to have conversations that are both uncomfortable and productive. Howie, you and Jeffrey both being Jewish yourselves, if the two of you believe DeSean is capable of learning and being better, then I do too, and Doug and the leaders in that locker room can hopefully be a good influence on him.”
Doug does a good job of reading the silence in the room that follows, allows it breathe for another few seconds and says “You guys wanna break for five? I know that was some heavy stuff.”
You flash a thumbs up sign while picking yourself up out of your chair and turning left towards the bathroom, stopping on the way back to refill your water before once again sitting down at the table.
Chapter 12: Just the Two of Us
If it felt like the personnel and DeSean conversation took a long time, that’s because it did.
11:24 a.m.
Nearly an hour has elapsed. High noon approaching. Team meetings soon thereafter and hopefully strength and conditioning a few days away leading up to the pads going on in mid-August.
Howie pops in and out of the screen, reaching for his phone and car keys.
“Coach, I’ll see you down there,” says Howie. “Are we good?”
“I think we’re good,” says Doug beginning to get up from his office desk.
You spring into action, naturally speaking in a louder voice hoping it will somehow help you catch Doug before he leaves the meeting.
“Doug wait!” you yell.
Thankfully Doug is still on.
“Howie, appreciate the chat. I know we didn’t agree on everything, but I’ve got your back for now. Three straight years in the playoffs. We’re on the right track. Let’s get the train traveling at full speed again.”
You hold up your hand to wave goodbye to Howie.
“Doug, why don’t we chat for a little bit just me and you?”
He seems surprised by the request but gives a thumbs up. Howie leaves and you’re now once again the host of the meeting.
“Doug just give me a minute,” you say. It’s clear from his perspective that you are moving while talking to him.
“I just need a change of scenery and to get out of this chair.”
You move outside to your back patio, wipe a few leaves off a white picnic table, and gently place your laptop down. A picket fence approximately 20 feet high makes the space private from your apartment neighbor to the right.
A place of calm, an area of serenity. The unexpected site of where you got married two months prior due to COVID. It feels like an appropriate location to have a deeper conversation. The late morning sunlight leaves a shadow on part of your screen. You don’t mind.
“How you doin?” you ask. “I know we kinda got right into it with my diatribe about the Phillies and then the serious personnel stuff, but how’s your offseason been?”
“Yeah, figuring it out,” says Doug. “How about you?”
“Pretty much the same,” you say. “Glad baseball is back now. Before that, watching some SVU with the wife. Was playing a lot of chess to try to fill that need for competition. I’ll tell you it’s a real thrill right before you know you’re gonna checkmate someone’s ass to type ‘VICTORY’ in the chat as you move your piece to put the nail in the coffin. I’m becoming a really good chess trash-talker, but I do want to hear more about what’s been up with you.”
“It was definitely different,” says Doug. “But it’s like I’ve said a couple times, I just had to trust our players and staff to get their work done.”
You interject. “Let’s touch on your staff.”
Talk about a segue.
“What was the deal there?” you ask. “Weird end of the year press conference, no offensive coordinator despite the reported interviews. Help me understand.”
January and early February when this played out feels like ages ago.
“Elaborate a bit,” says Doug. You like when he pushes back on things. “What’s your specific concern?” he asks.
“It’s just that the process and search felt really sloppy at times. It’s a lot of help for you, but at the same time, it kinda feels like you hired a bunch of quarters instead of just streamlining things and getting one whole dollar. Between Rich [Scangarello], Andrew [Breiner], promoting Press, and then Marty too as a consultant, it almost feels like you’re putting undue pressure on yourself.
When the offense sputtered the past two seasons, we put a lot of blame on Mike and kinda gave you a pass, but when titles and responsibilities aren’t clear, it’s a lot harder to know whose fault it is where if things go wrong, it’s gonna come back on you.”
“I mean I am a Super Bowl winning head coach. I outcoached Belichick. I think I’ve earned the right to call my own plays and have control of the offense.”
Doug is fired up. You can hear his fist pound against his office desk.
He hasn’t fully eased your concerns, but ironically this is part of what you wanted to hear.
“Doug yes,” you say. He looks at you confused.
“I’m not fully sold on the staff, but the tone of what you just said, THAT is what I want to hear from you. I think there’s a perception sometimes that despite all you’ve accomplished, it’s not always reflected in what we see publicly and how the team looks. My big challenge to you is to get the team more comfortable with expectations.
The dog masks in 2017 were legendary. Winning the double doink game as an underdog was cool, and the December run when people wrote us off last year was a lot of fun, but you can only go to that well so many times, and going into both 2018 and 2019, especially last year, expectations were high. We weren’t an afterthought, and while they might not be at that same sky high level this year, we’re gonna be favored in a lot of games, especially early on, and if you can get them to truly embrace that target, our lives will be a lot EASIER.”
You really make sure to emphasize the final word.
“You’ve clearly shown an ability to coach your ass off in December. Here’s the thing. In a perfect world, I don’t want you to have to coach your ass off in December. We get off to a fast start and that margin for error can go a long way. Think about it last year. We win a few more games and get that bye going into the playoffs, DeSean would have been playing a week later, eligible to come off IR. Lane might have suited up. We experienced it in 2017. BG had that high ankle sprain, but the bye before the Falcons game gave him the time he needed to heal up. Let’s stop making it so hard on ourselves in the final weeks.”
Doug goes in for a long sip of water, giving you time to also take a breath.
“You feel like the celebrity speakers during Zoom meetings have been helping?” you ask. “Seeing the players tweet screenshots of Phil in there after The Last Dance was awesome.”
This livens Doug up.
“Yeah, Phil, CC, Steve Kerr, Mike Trout, I think the players have really enjoyed it,” Doug says. “You got any recommendations if I try to keep it going through camp?”
You were not expecting this.
“Wow,” you say. “I really appreciate you asking my opinion, Doug. I mean it might be harder now that their season is underway, but if you asked me a couple months ago, I would have said Aaron Boone. Best manager in baseball. I think he would have been great to talk about how expectations remain even when teams suffer injuries. You look at how many Yankees players went down throughout 2019, and he guided that team to more than 100 wins. I think they’re gonna go all the way now that the Astros have been exposed. Big Eagles fan too, so it would be real relatable to the players.”
“Aaron Boone, huh,” says Doug. “I kinda like that. I know they’re few and far between, but I’ll take a look at the Yankees off days and see if anything lines up. I’m sorry you didn’t get your picture with him by the way, I know you were looking forward to that.”
You laugh. This has been one of the best parts of the morning
“It’s all good,” you say. “I’ll make it happen eventually, and Jaime came through with an incredible Cameo. I mean just awesome.”
Chapter 13: Survivor
“That’s great,” Doug says. “You generally have a way of figuring stuff out in the end, so I have no doubt you’ll make it happen once the pandemic’s eventually past us.”
Doug doesn’t know it, but that’s one of the best compliments he could have given you.
“So you good overall?” Doug asks. “Outside of solely football stuff. I know you’ve just had an interesting year and all, lot of change, and were feeling pretty down in November and December.”
“You’re not wrong,” you say. “That was a rough time, especially beginning and middle of December, but I think that Monday night comeback against the Giants did really lift my spirits in more ways than just football. Obviously you can’t solely rely on the results of games to do that bu…”
Doug cuts you off before you even complete the thought.
“That’s the third time I’ve heard you bring up that game,” he says. “Sidney. Talking about Alshon, and now again.”
You move your head up and down a couple of times.
“I think just…I don’t want to rehash all of it, but there was a lot going on then and kinda felt personified in that game. To be down 17–3 at halftime in just a straight up miserable downpour and see us slowly find some life in the second half. Watching Carson begin to just figure it the fuck out with those guys like Greg, Boston, JJ, Perk. It was really good inspiration that I could get through any stress I was going through with work or anything else.
We get it to 17–10, and I’m staring at my TV exhausted. We’ve got momentum, but is there enough time to actually get the game tied? Then you go for it on 4th and 1 from our own 29 knowing it’s our best shot. Three minutes later Carson hits Zach and we’re even at 17. Then Sid has to come in for an injured Rasul and make that play to help take us to overtime.”
You are now getting slightly emotional.
“It was just a really good reminder to grind through it. I remember in the few minutes before overtime beginning trying to math out if a tie would help or hurt us, and after a few seconds was like fuck it. When the Giants called tails and Malcolm pointed at the ground saying ‘It’s heads’ even before Scott Novak [the referee] had a chance to look, I was like ‘This game’s fucking over.’ I was texting with my dude Craig after the fact who said it perfectly about just knowing we had that thing won and the Giants weren’t getting the ball.”
You go back in your memory vault to fondly remember the call.
“Joe Tessitore, he didn’t do a lot of good things during his Monday Night Football tenure, but when we got it into 2nd and goal on the 2 and he goes ‘Three game losing streak, trying to solve the problem right here.’
Zach motions inside and as soon as the ball is snapped, you realize he’s gonna be wide open. ‘Wentz to the end zone, wide open, THEY DID IT, Zach Ertz, EAT THAT W PHILLY!’”
You’re now fired up and standing, walking around your patio while still talking.
“Oh man, gives me chills,” you say. “It was just like, solve the problem. That’s it. The Eagles did it. I can do it. I remember waking Jaime up screaming in excitement. I walked outside my apartment building. It’s the second week of December mind you, couldn’t have been warmer than 30 degrees or so, especially when you factor in that it’s almost midnight. I’m wearing a jersey and gym shorts, and I just started doing an ‘Eagles’ chant outside in New York at the top of my lungs.”
“That’s pretty epic,” says Doug.
“It was awesome,” you say back so quickly that it feels like your words and Doug’s nearly cross.
“That was just a big moment for me. We were still 6–7 and had more work to do but just riding the subway the next day wearing my Eagles beanie, knowing some Giants fans coworkers who were pissed off. Maybe some wanted to lose for the draft pick, but I think a lot still wanted to win knowing it could be Eli’s final game, and being able to send him out of The Linc with a loss for a sixth straight year, I was tired as all hell but also felt this adrenaline just pumping through my veins, and that really carried me through for the next two months, even after the playoff game.”
Reliving the moment nearly eight months later might even be more fun than when it happened for you.
Chapter 14: Know Your Enemy
“Exhilarating,” you say while sitting back down. “And as fun as it was, I don’t want you to have to go through that again. I want December to be more about seeding and who we might see in the playoffs as opposed to getting in.”
“Me too,” Doug says. “Doesn’t always work out that way, but that’s always the goal.”
This naturally leads you to your next point.
“I thought this last year and it didn’t happen, but if you get them to learn how to deal with expectations, the schedule should lend itself to a good start. We’ve been through the Washington Football Team opener twice already since you’ve been here. The night the schedule came out — I had that thing memorized in two minutes by the way — Jaime even mentioned to me that it feels like we play them in the first game every year.
We know that they can’t be taken for granted. Even though we pulled it off, we can’t expect to dig out of a 17-point deficit again. Really good defense. New, well-respected coach who had success in Carolina. We’ve gotta be ready to go, but provided we are, I really like how things set up for us getting to play a road game against a team that on paper — and I don’t use this phrase lightly but work with me for a minute — should be one of our weaker opponents. Two straight home games after the opener. Rams coming from out west playing at 10 a.m. their time and then an inexperienced Joe Burrow in Week 3.
That quick start is all I’m really focused on. I don’t have the Seahawks or Saints circled as revenge games or anything like that. Don’t have the Cowboys either. Let’s just be ready to go from jump street, and when those do come in the back half of the season, we’ll be in a good position.”
You see the change from am to pm on your laptop out of the corner of your right eye. Noon is here, and you know Doug has to go soon for a 12:30 meeting.
“It really should set up well for us, but as soon as we walk into that god awful FedExField on Opening Day, people are trying to come for our necks. Chase Young. Ryan Kerrigan. Your friend Kyle.”
“You talking about Kyle Shanahan?” asks Doug. “We don’t play the Niners until Week 4.”
“Nah,” you say very casually. “I’m talking about your friend Kyle.” Doug stares at you side-eyed, clearly very confused.
“I don’t think I have another friend named Kyle,” says Doug, still incredibly puzzled. “Who are you talking about? What team does he like? Is he a Washington fan?”
You reach for your bottle of water and think through how to best explain this.
“Yes and no. You see, Doug, your friend Kyle is more than just a person. It’s a personification of a person. Someone who I would describe as a loser, a nobody, a guy who unsuccessfully tries to put down others to feel better about his unfulfilled life. So it did originate with a guy named Kyle who is a Washington fan, but he’s surely no friend of mine, and it extends beyond just a person’s name and fandom. Someone doesn’t have to be named Kyle to be referred to as ‘Your friend Kyle.”
“I think I kind of get it,” Doug says pensively, “but how did this start? Surely there’s gotta be some origin.”
You’re glad Doug asked and reach to your right for your phone to hold up a screenshot.
“That’s right after we beat the Falcons in the playoff game,” you say adding some context.
“Got ittt,” Doug says. “I mean the guy’s obviously a dick, but to make it almost some mantra…”
You begin to add more context while keeping a close eye on the clock.
“Doug, the thing is. He didn’t follow me, didn’t have the courage to at me — what you see there is him taking a screenshot of my tweet because he didn’t have the balls to at me, and most of all he didn’t even believe what he was saying. If one of his friends — if he has friends which is a big if — tweeted the same thing about a different team, he wouldn’t have said it. He wanted to make an example out of me, and I wasn’t having any of it.”
You kept the receipts. You hold up another screenshot.
“I told myself that night that I would never forget that tweet, that I hoped his life was a living hell, and I know how much it pained him three weeks later to see us lift that Lombardi Trophy, and if we can do it for a second time, your friend Kyle will have to deal with even more misery than usual all over again.”
Doug begins laughing. It’s not the reaction you expected, but you try to roll with it until he speaks. After all, there’s a grin on your face now.
“And you just concoct these things in your head all the time, yeah?” Doug asks.
You can’t fully decipher whether or not the question was rhetorical in nature.
Doug continues.
“Whenever you need to motivate yourself, you just think of this?”
“Pretty much,” you say self-assuredly.
It’s shorter this time, but Doug begins to laugh again.
“On one hand, this is insane,” he says. “On the other hand, I like it. It’s very Michael Jordan type of psychology.”
In a hand gesture and facial movement resembling the late, great Stuart Scott from an old SportsCenter commercial spoofing Pamplona’s Running of the Bulls, you inch your face up towards the screen and rotate your hand slightly to the left as if to say ‘Fucking right.’
Chapter 15: How Am I Supposed to Live Without You
“I’m really glad we got to do this, Doug,” you say. “Even if it’s not in-person, when we saw each other the past two summers, we didn’t really talk besides a quick picture in 2018 and a super short conversation at The Linc last year. You’re going on year five, but it feels like today was the first time we truly got to know each other.”
“This was awesome” answers Doug. “It’s a shame we can’t do any open practices this summer with the pandemic, but are we gonna see you at games?”
A million dollar question if there ever was one.
It’s harder to answer this than it was to answer anything involving Alshon, a certain former Texans and Seahawks defensive end, and all other topics you went over with Doug and Howie.
It’s hard because it’s easy. You can take the half cop out of asking ‘Are we gonna see you at games? Are there even going to be games?’ but you try to block out that absolutely nightmare scenario temporarily.
“Man.”
You let out a deep breath that also feels like a sigh.
“Unless Dr. Fauci personally calls me and tells me that it’s safe — and I don’t see the phone call nor that declaration happening — I would say probably not.”
Tears begin to bubble up in your eyes.
“It pains me to say it, but there’s just so much we still don’t know about the virus and the long-term damage it can do. It’s just not worth the risk.”
You close your eyes and picture a fall without attending an Eagles game. That hasn’t happened since 2007 — before you had your license. Before you had discretionary income to go to games. It was a different time of life.
The change in weather from sunburnt Opening Day to frostbitten playoff games. The first shot consumed at the Best Damn Tailgate in F Lot five hours — 8 a.m. for a 1 p.m. game — before kickoff to try to calm your nerves. The thrill of opening up the Wallet app and scanning your ticket, your irrational fears quickly eased that it somehow wouldn’t be valid. The 40 year old man who probably works his ass off at a law firm during the week watching the WIP pregame show and shouting in the direction of Ike Reese ‘THE BRONCO’S GONNA BUCK TODAY!’ The thrill of running up the Headhouse Plaza stairs, reaching the concourse level, and gazing out at the end zone.
The initial sounds of ‘For Those About to Rock’ starting up as the team prepares to run out of the tunnel. The Rocky montage on the jumbotron in that heightened minute after the coin toss and right before kickoff. The booing of the other team’s quarterback as his name is announced when your opponent comes onto the field for their first offensive possession. The blockade of noise that soon follows prior to your first defensive snap and then again on the first third down.
The fight song and stadium wide E-A-G-L-E-S chant after the first touchdown. The feeling that the foundation upon which The Linc was constructed literally shaking after a game-changing play like Patrick Robinson’s NFC Championship Game pick six.
While this was happening, Doug asks “You okay?”
You don’t hear him.
The high-fives and the hugs — from both friends and strangers alike. The tears.
The Super Bowl.
Both the game and what it meant.
“You okay?” Doug asks a second time in a louder voice, now seeming legitimately concerned.
“I’m good,” you say. “I guess as good as I can be. I was just thinking about how different this could really be, and I think it all kinda hit me at once, but if we do play, I really don’t mind watching at home. Nothing replaces being there at The Linc, but you do see it from a different vantage point on TV, get to analyze things a bit more. My tweet game goes up even higher. I’ll figure it out.”
“I know you will,” says Doug.
Chapter 16: Life in the Fast Lane
The reassurance means more than you can truly convey.
There’s no towel or tissue around outside, so you resort to wiping your eyes with your hands.
12:11 p.m.
“I know you gotta go,” you say.
Good timing.
A battery warning pops up on your laptop screen. You’re at 4 percent.
You ironically need to go too even if you don’t want to.
“We’ll talk soon,” says Doug.
Although soon may be relative, you believe him. God willing, there will be a season even if it’s like nothing the sport has ever seen before. Even if there isn’t, at some point there will be a vaccine, a new president, the pandemic a thing of the past. The next time you walk through the gates of Lincoln Financial Field with nearly 70,000 others will be a joyous moment — a sign of normalcy even if you don’t know when it will be.
“Hey,” you shout as your laptop drops to 3 percent.
“When the pads go on in a couple weeks and you talk to the media, I know you’re gonna play things close to the vest, but I want a full report on how that track speed looks on offense. Even without Marquise. DeSean, Jalen Reagor, Quez, Hightower. Tell me about it all.”
This is a big deal to you. You’re on the record multiple times with your belief that Torrey Smith was the most underrated Eagle of the 2010s. Even if it’s not a Pro Bowl receiver, having the mere threat of speed at one of those spots out wide can make a massive difference in terms of opening up the offense and allowing for quicker-strike, less methodical drives, reducing the chance of a negative play or mistake.
“You got it,” says Doug. “Stay safe.”
“You too, and that applies not just to you but everyone at NovaCare,” you respond.
He slightly turns his back but hasn’t left the meeting quite yet.
“Doug, one more thing!” you exclaim. He contorts his body to face you again while reaching for a whistle and one of his visors.
“Greg Ward,” you say. “I know he doesn’t have the blazing speed of the guys I just mentioned, but don’t forget about him. He can play.”
Doug raises his fist in the air while getting up from his chair. Talk about ending on a high note.
Chapter 17: Doctor Doctor
With no one left, Zoom removes you from the meeting. Talk about a productive but heavy three hours. You know you have to get your laptop plugged in but take in a final moment of solace and serenity before picking up and going inside. Never did you think this patio area would be so crucial when you signed the lease for your apartment 25 months ago. It’s become a relaxing and safe space in more ways than one during quarantine.
You pick up your phone for the first time since showing Doug the your friend Kyle tweets. Much to your surprise, you have a text message from Doc. Everyone remembers Doc. You really shouldn’t be surprised. The two of you always talk at the beginning of training camp ever since he became your mechanic before the journey out west two summers ago.
Chapter 18: For Those About to Rock
After cracking a smile, you slide your phone back into your right pocket and scoop up your laptop, slowly making the walk to the door and turning the knob in a clockwise motion.
You slip off your sandals and make your way through the bedroom into the living room. There sits the wooden table. You’re back where you started, exactly three hours later, inserting your charger into the port with seconds to go, akin to summers past of pulling into the Lincoln Financial Field parking lot to catch Doug right before practice gets underway.
Maybe it was a road trip after all. Maybe it doesn’t matter where we go or if we even go anywhere but who we share it with along the way.
They’ll be time for deep philosophical thoughts later.
Until told otherwise, you have some semblance of a season to look forward to.
You turn around and face your aforementioned Super Bowl frame that covers a good portion of the wall behind your couch. Last summer, two days after arriving back from New Orleans, you awoke one morning to find the gold nameplate on the right-hand side that depicts the score and date of the Super Bowl having fallen off its rightful spot all the way to the bottom. You didn’t take it as any sort of symbolism. A few weeks later and also a few weeks prior to the start of what ended up being a somewhat fun but ultimately unfulfilling season, your framing place returned it to its rightful spot where it currently sits.
“Was it a sign?” you ask aloud.
A few seconds elapse. You shake your head while saying “No.” You’re not good at saying that word, so it’s revealing how easy it was for you to do it here when it concerns the Eagles.
Your Amazon Alexa that was purchased back on Prime Day in 2017 — two months before the Eagles began a season that would culminate in their Super Bowl title — sits on the wooden table.
“Alexa,” you say. “Play something,” feeling upbeat and in the mood to perhaps sing or dance while no one’s watching as the blue ring brightens on your smart home device.
Dale a tu cuerpo alegría Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa’ darle alegría why cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo alegría, Macarena
Hey Macarena
You were not anticipating that.
“Alexa, stop,” you say.
She thankfully listens on the first command. Silence.
You break it by slow-clapping your hands together three times, as is customary on the morning prior to a game.
You turn back around and face the frame once again.
“We’re not gonna be a one-hit wonder.”
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