Why you need to let go of your lover

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

-Frank Herbert, Dune

Face it. When it comes to relationships, you’re either too hot or too cold. Unlike Goldilocks, you’ve haven’t found the “just right” porridge yet. There are some days when you can’t stop staring adoringly at your lover, and there are other days when you don’t know if you’re even capable of love.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize when you need to slow down in a situation and make some sense out of your own feelings. One of the biggest questions in any relationship is: Are you in love with this person or are you in love with the idea of this person? Could it be that you are in love with the idea of love instead of the relationship itself? Look into the well of your unconscious. What makes you feel insecure in your relationship, what makes you feel afraid? What are you grasping at and what do you need?

Sometimes what we are looking for in a relationship is confirmation that we are a person worthy of love.

When our sense of self-worth is all wrapped up in someone’s opinion of us, we can never feel grounded in our own lives. We need to be rooted in ourselves in order for a relationship to grow. We need to be confident in ourselves and proud of who we are. Simply put, we need to be able to love ourselves before we’re capable of loving someone else.

Your Ego is eager to kill your relationship.

Your Ego is the mastermind behind the 3 Ways to Kill Your Relationship. Your Ego tells you that you shouldn’t have to work so hard at your relationship. Your Ego tells you that your partner is lucky to have you, that you do more for them then they do for you. Your Ego whispers in your ear that it is your partner’s responsibility to be what you need them to be. As you do what your Ego desires, it slowly builds a cage around you. The only way that you can avoid being locked up in that cage is to see it. When you see it, it’s time to get out if there.

The cage is Fear.

We need to be fearless in life and in love. We need to take wild steps beyond our comfort zone or we will never reach that mountain top. We have to face our fears in order to see what happens next. Do we really want to show our lover our full and true self? Do we really want to open up our heart to another person? Do we really want to commit to a path that might change our lives forever? Yes we do because then we can take another step forward.

When you let go of your lover you can walk down the path together.

Sometimes your lover is ahead of you and sometimes they are behind. Sometimes you are side by side on the path holding hands. Letting go isn’t about the lack of intimacy, it is about the absence of fear.