Learning From Success | Owen Cook (RSDTyler)
Expansion & contraction — Studying success & failure — The art of execution — Paradigm pendulum — Most engaged yet least attached
As a tribute to one of the guys who I look up to so much & who has reshaped so much of how I look at the world, I’m breaking down some of my favorite concepts I’ve learned from Owen Cook, co-founder of Real Social Dynamics — a live training & education company on the art of picking up girls.
Deeply respected within the pickup community, Cook & his hired coaches have countless hours of content on YouTube where they break down the nuances, philosophies, and habits of guys who are successful with girls. Outside of the community? As you can probably imagine, he’s not America’s poster child of a role model. However, if you take the time to watch Cook’s video without a bias, the man has some real lessons to teach. Here’s a few of my favorite concepts
Expansion & contraction
Understand & respect the natural rhythms of life. Expansion & contraction is basically the idea that in whatever you do there will inherently be a natural up & down nature to it all. However, if you surrender yourself to the process, the ups & downs will come and go, but the overall trajectory of it all will be upward.
This rule of life is a massive, massive bonus when you internalize it. I’ll speak from experience for a minute. When you come from a shy & nerdy background and you start approaching girls and walk away with a phone number, you feel like the f*cking man! And inevitably when you come down from that high, it can go pretty low.
So when you internalize the fact that the highs are going to be high & the lows are going to be low, it puts you in the head space to stomach the inevitable state crash. Internalize the principle that you will expand into the world & then contract back into your head. Your emotions won’t be able to drag your down with them when they decide to go south on you.
Studying success & failure
Owen Cook was the first one to get me to look at success not as something that happens to you, but as a cycle of habits that lead you to towards success. Rather than studying physics, technology, or mathematics, Cook has chosen to study & become an expert in success.
I’m fascinated by his philosophy of doing whatever it takes to see both ends of the spectrum. On one hand, he and his business partner, Nick Kho, are masters of networking and have found ways to get into business groups or parties of extremely high status individuals. They are able to get themselves in and around some of the most successful people who walk this planet. On the other hand, he has also gone through great lengths to go travel through Mexico or Africa and view some of the most impoverished people on this planet as well.
In some of his videos he breaks down the differences that he has seen, and he describes it in patterns. He noticed that successful people, companies, and even countries practice daily habits that send them on an upward spiral toward success or a downward spiral toward failure. Another one of his insights is these patterns are reverse-able, but extremely hard to get oneself out of.
The art of execution (or why you should rather die than miss a day at the gym)
Cook has always had a blue collar work ethic. It’s one of the things he was gifted with in his youth. He always kind of knew that success was something that was a challenge to attain and fleeting once you have attained it. So when he thought about how to attain it, it was very obvious to him that he was going to have to work his ass off.
In one of his seminars, he was asked the question, “how do you train your brain to rather die than miss a day at the gym?”
He broke down the whole philosophy of work ethic, but the basic idea of it is that we, as humans, are rationalizing creatures. When there is the slightest bit of inconvenience when it comes to doing hard work, if we have the slightest doubt about doing it our brain will come up with a million different reasons why we shouldn’t. But every time you let your brain win this battle it gets harder and harder.
So the idea of wanting to die before missing a day in the gym is basically just the idea that you’re going to put your daily set of habits as the top priority before you go to bed. As long as you practice the motions that will lead you to your version of success then you can have a good night’s rest. But if you let your brain win the battle of rationalizations, then obviously back down from your statement of wanting to die, but you should set up some kind of punishment for letting your rationalizations beat out your work ethic.
We as humans oftentimes oscillate between periods of higher consciousness, lower consciousness, and everywhere in-between. When you understand Cook’s theory behind the paradigm pendulum, it makes these oscillations a lot more bearable.
A lot of times based on outside circumstances of your sleep, your general mood, or even just natural rhythms of life, you are going to find yourself motivating yourself with really low vibration thoughts. These kinds of thoughts may be how to want to stick it to the rest of the world who doubted you, or you want to make your ex-girlfriend jealous, etc.
Understanding that these swings between paradigms are inevitable, Cook explains that you should set yourself up to draw motivation from all sources. Think about your motivations as you line them all up toward the goal. It’s OK to think about rubbing a pie in your ex-girlfriend’s face as she says how wrong she was for doubting you. At the same time, you want to also draw motivation from the presence and flow state that you feel from dedicating yourself to the process. Basically, just line up every part of your brain towards the prize that you want. Because your brain will automatically oscillate you back and forth between the paradigms.
Most engaged yet least attached
You’re going to push her to go home with you more than anybody she’s ever talked to, but you’re going to be the least broken up if it doesn’t happen. The basic frame of mind when approaching your goals is, “I’m going to be the biggest try hard, but I’m not going to care one way or the other what the result is.”
I’m going to end with this one because I think it’s a good way of approaching life. On one hand it’s healthy to have goals and push harder than anyone else to achieve them, but it’s healthier to let them go completely at the end of the day.
In the end, it’s all just a silly game, but we’re here for a short time so why not play it till the end?