I’m Tired of Pretending that Chicken Wings are Good

From a young age in our society, we have been trained that when we watch sports, we must eat pizza, burgers, hot dogs, or wings. Three of these foods are phenomenal choices, and all can be acquired at a reasonable cost. Not only that, but they are great handheld foods and are not something to worry about while indulging in our favorite pastimes.

Then we have chicken wings.

I have a lot of problems with these tasteless, over-priced, chunks of chicken scrap; but the majority of these issues stem from their flavor. I just don’t think a stringy piece of chicken with a break-your-tooth covering is something we should be claiming to be “the king of football season”.

The one redeeming part of chicken wings is their sauce. Most of the time when you go to a chicken wing staple like Quaker Steak, Bdubs, or Wing Stop, they end up leaving half of your wings uncovered. And even when you try to chow down on your sauceless meat sticks, they still manage to get all over you. Unless you’re a heathen who leaves half the meat on their flats, you’ll have to tear apart your wing, leaving your hands like that of a surgeon after a botched blood transfusion.

And if you’re the type of person who eats boneless wings, just cut open a bag of Tyson frozen chicken strips and dip them in sauce like an adult. If you want some crappy chicken nuggets, at least get a Wendy’s 4-for-4 where they can be the 4th best thing you eat that day.

Lastly, there’s no way anyone on Earth thinks these are properly priced. With this chicken wing shortage, (how is that even possible) you won’t be finding any wing deal nights, so now you’ll be paying nearly $2 per individual wing. I’d rather have my third colonoscopy than pay over $100 for four people to be swindled into believing wings are some great culinary achievement.

I’m fed up with all this football Sunday propaganda leading us down a wrong path. Just because a restaurant has a bunch of TVs doesn’t mean they should be charging us the price of a new piece of jewelry from Tiffany’s for some wings.