7 tips to overcome your loneliness
In my previous article, I wrote about the rise of loneliness, especially in cities. Cities are more connected than ever, yet people feel more alone than ever. In his book, Loneliness, psychologist, and author, John Cacioppo uses the analogy of hunger to understand loneliness. In the same way hunger nourishes the physical body, loneliness nourishes the social body. People are social beings which is required to survive and succeed.

The following are 7 concrete tips you can take when you’re feeling lonely. One step at a time, one foot in front of the other.
1. E. A. S. E. into social connections
Cacioppo in his book outlines his E.A.S.E acronym, which means to ease back into your social connections.
E for Extend yourself — Getting involved in something, taking baby steps safely and changing your environment are main things. An example might be to join a charity or find a social cause that allows you to dip your toe and sense what it feels like to help others.
A for Action plan — Making a plan to help out at a charity, coaching a sport or joining a shared interest group shifts us away from passive victims to active participants.
S for Selection — Make the effort to find a few quality over quantity friends. When we discover people with similar interests, values or activities, it is easier to having meaningful and satisfying conversations.
E for Expect — It can be helpful to think positive by expecting the best when you meet people. If you are more open and let your defences down, there is a great chance of connecting with others.
2. Reduce technology whenever possibly
The convenience of online communication and social media channels makes it easy and convenient to not talk to people face-to-face. By turning off the TV and smart phone, we can self-regulate by reaching out to people we already know and also meet new people.
3. Have weekly fun solo dates
In her book, The Artist Way, Julia Cameron suggests doing something creative once a week with yourself that interests you. She says you ask yourself, “What sounds fun?” And then do it. Examples include going cloud watching, seeing an award winning movie or play, taking a walk on a nature trail with your camera, getting a massage, going for a bike ride, and many others outlined here.
4. Invest in a hobby
In his book, Going Solo, Eric Klinenberg tells the story of Lou, a fifty-seven-year old attorney and part-time musician, who remained single after his second marriage failed 15 years earlier. Lou keeps himself busy and balances his time between work, Jazz gigs and having down time in peace. He relishes in his freedom to play his instrument one day and go out whenever he wants:
“I can practice my trumpet whenever I want. I have my own space and I feel comfortable in it. Everything about it is how I want it to be. …It used to be that I didn’t ever want to go out by myself. But now I’ll go to movies on my own, go to a Chinese restaurant. I don’t have to make plans or think about it. I just go.”
5. Volunteer or do good deeds
When we do good deeds, random acts of kindness or volunteer for a cause, we experience “helper’s high”. The act creates a connection, closeness and caring that counters feeling of loneliness, according to Cacioppo. He says, “What’s required is to step outside the pain of our own situation long enough to ‘feed’ others. Real change begins with doing.”
Whether it’s volunteering at a shelter, helping someone elderly bag their groceries or paying for someone’s morning coffee, real change or a connection only happens by doing.
6. You’re not alone
It helps to normalize thoughts and realize you are not alone. Left on our own, we often internalize our thoughts and feel like we are the only one. According to John Cacioppo, loneliness in the US has risen from 11–20% in the 1970s to 40–45% in 2010. Another way to gain perspective is to write down lonely and negative thoughts on paper. Writing things down sometimes helps one’s thoughts in perspective such that they clear up or we realize we are not alone. Doing such an exercise might create an opportunity to call a friend or decide to attend an event to meet new friends.
7. Ask for help from friends or get professional help
Sometimes lonely thoughts become darker and lead to depression or suicidal thoughts. While still helpful to reach out to friends or family, it is crucial to get help from a health professional for immediate support. This is especially true when someone is in distress or feels like hurting themselves.
Summary
While these tips may help some, they could hinder someone else’s progress. These are only tips and may have a limited impact if someone does not understand their own personal obstacles that deter them from knowing how to act on certain behaviours. This is an example of how the therapeutic process can develop deeper insight around underlying issues that may be blocking or interfering with a person.
