Why Your Wife Likes Me Better Than You…

Let me start by saying that I am not an a$$hole. I’m also not a d-bag. And, I am certainly not a conceited muscle-bound, Gucci-fragrance wearing, Jersey Shore guy…as the title may imply. In fact, I’m actually a good, family-oriented, normal guy. I still return bottles at the supermarket for the deposit, love my $15 barbershop buzzcut and listen to country every moment I can. I make my wife and kids lunch every morning, get to the gym 3–4 times a week and spend a good part of my weekends shuffling kids around to one event or another.

Yup, just your mildly above average 45 year old…except for one thing. This will explain the title better. I have been given a superpower. Actually, I think all men have the same superpower. Most of us just don’t know we have it, don’t know how to use it or don’t want to use it. Yet, from an early age, I knew I had it and understood it well. And, when I used it, it had amazing repercussions.

This “power” was the insight on how to make a woman feel beyond special. How to make a woman feel beautiful and wanted. Like she’s the only woman around for a thousand miles. Like you love her everyday more than the first time you met. Like her words are the only thing that matter, even if bombs are going off all around you.

It was like finding the holy grail of relationships. All I had to do was open my ears and control this power and I became a woman magnet. Here’s the crazy part, though. Because I had this insight and developed it very quickly, it made my life a double-edged sword; Full of fun but ultimately ending in disarray. Let me explain.

When I was younger, I was the guy every other guy hated. My relationships were mostly with woman who were still with other guys. So, basically, they cheated on other guys with me. Why? Because I gave them what they were craving. I gave them undivided attention. I gave them flowers just because. I left little notes on their cars at work. There was no drama. I wasn’t a drinker. I didn’t smoke. I was dedicated to making myself better mentally and physically. And, when I was in these “relationships”, I was all in. What sucked for me was that ultimately, these relationships never worked out. They were short-term bandaids that made them feel better, and left me caring about a person I would never end up with long term.

Eventually, I learned to harness this power. So much so, that I attracted too much attention, ended up with more than one relationship at a time, and then not being able to end anything. I remember finishing up senior year in college and packing my car to go home. I had come home that morning after spending the night with one girl who I spent a good portion of senior year with. While I was packing, another girl, who I had spent a smaller portion of senior year with, came by to bring me breakfast. Now, to be fair, I had broken it off with the breakfast girl earlier to just be with the nigh before girl a few months back. But, she wasn’t having no for an answer. She even asked me to be her date to her sister’s wedding!

A few days after I got home, a fraternity brother of mine called me up. After a few minutes of bantering, he casually told me that he had tried to hook up with breakfast girl after I had ended it with her. Unfortunately for him, she spent the whole night crying about me.

So, after some trials and tribulations, I eventually settled down and mastered the superpower. Now, for all the guys reading this thinking “ this guy is really high on himself and this superpower”, let me tell you. It’s not really a power at all. In fact, I think it has to do more with guys being lunkheads and unfocused that gave me this advantage. We all have it. It’s nothing special. But, through learned behavior, the inability to listen instead of speak, and video games, many, many guys do not know how to focus on anyone but themselves. Still not a d-bag. Just telling the raw truth.

So, why does your wife (or girlfriend) like me more than they like you? Why at a wedding do I hear things like, “When am I going to find my John?” Why when my wife’s friends come over, have I heard one say, “Steve needs some John time. I need to have them hang out for a few days”.

Well, it’s pretty simple. I do things that make my significant other feel special. They seem like normal, everyday things guys should do, but most don’t. And when other women hear about these things, John becomes the guy they want but don’t have. Here’s an example of three things that seem to make me stand out from other husbands/boyfriends. Please feel free to implement them and watch the magic happen:

1 — I make my wife lunch everyday. Not just throw a bunch of premade stuff in a bag. I make her things she enjoys. I change it up when she asks for other things. And, if she does not have something she needs for the day, and I can, I make every effort to get it to her.

2 — My wife told me any guy can give flowers. So, instead of giving her flowers, I planted a flower garden. And every year I add to it. I still get her flowers on occasion (she did reverse that a bit and say she does enjoy flowers occassionally too after I stopped bringing them home).

3 — I stay awake most nights just to have some time alone with her. We are all busy. She is busy times a million. After kids are in bed and she gets home, it maybe 10 or 11pm. I certainly could go to bed. But, that time together alone is limited and golden, even if only for an hour. After she falls, asleep, I go to bed.

Now, let me also just say that in no way am I perfect. Far from it, in fact. I have many flaws and suck at many things. Communication? Not my strong point. Following through on punishments with the kids? Not so good. Allow my parents to treat me like I’m still 13? Working on it. But, the doing things for the woman I love above and beyond what most men do? That one I have down.

Guys, it’s really simple. Focus on your significant other. Always remember why you got together in the first place. Don’t be selfish. Focus on what she needs. This is not rocket science. Yet, how many relationships are a mess, end in divorce, cheating, heartache and unnecessary stress. To me, this is something all guys should be doing. When my wife runs out of shampoo and conditioner and needs it from the salon she goes to but isn’t sure which one it is and has no time to get it herself — who do you think goes, has the front desk girl look up what she’s bought in the past, compares a text picture to the product on the shelf to make sure it’s right and if it isn’t, goes back to get the right one??? Get the idea???

In a sense, I feel blessed to be in a relationship with the one person I want to grow old with. Although it is superficially funny when another woman insinuates they want “me” or their significant other to be like me, it kind of saddens me at the same time. Because this is the norm and it shouldn’t be.

I look forward to the day I can write an article entitled “ Your wife likes you more than me — and that’s how it should be.