What is not dealt with in childhood follows us into adulthood…

I’m still her. This is the little girl who was extremely insecure. She was learning herself. She had frequent anxiety episodes but didn’t know that’s what it was called. She was book smart but a little slow in understanding things about life. She desired to be seen. To be heard. She was gifted with a voice but had to be pushed to use it. She had body image issues because at this point she was getting a little chubby in the eyes of her family and peers and they let her know that. She had color-ism issues as she coveted the light skin of friends and desired their long natural curly hair. Fast forward over 30 years later and I’m realizing I still struggle with some of these but have better management tools and have become more self-aware. At almost 39, I’m insecure about quite a few things but I manage those insecurities through journaling, poems, telling my story, and speaking my truth. I am yet still learning myself. But I have accepted the great and good of me while working on rehabbing the bad and ugly of me. I now understand what the heart palpitations were about and use therapy to manage my anxiety. I am still very much book smart but may totally miss the point in basic life lessons, so I surround myself with people who will bring clarity. I still desire to be seen. To be heard. Not really so much on the outside, but on the inside. Because if you can get through all the ugliness I have inside, I know you will see and hear the beauty I possess. I still believe I have a gifted voice but I no longer have to be pushed to use it. I seize every opportunity. I still have moments of disliking my body, but I move forward with affirmations and say “I love my body” while I embrace every part that society frowns upon. I no longer struggle with loving my brown skin or nappy hair. I absolutely adore both and publicize them so other chocolate girls can beam as proudly as I do. This little girl is still me. I’m just all grown up.