Dear Jane, One Time Perception Blew My Mind.

Dear Jane,

This has been today’s train of thought.

Do you ever stop and decide it’s time to figure out one of life’s great mysteries just because your mind seems to have landed on one and it stuck to you like gum to a shoe? A couple days ago I landed on perspective, and to be honest, it’s been a wonderful (w)itch.

When I look forward at life, or at the present, or at the past, I see facts. I am short, I have a family, I go to school, I will work, etc. So how is it that when I decide to talk to others about things I can make them so complex I can’t tell it the same way twice if I try? Most of the time I chalk it up to being a compulsive exaggerator looking for laughs or sympathy, but in my recent drive to uncover the self that I pile over with desires for attention and security and control I’ve looked more closely to my ideas on perception.

Perception is so much more intricate than I thought before (Not super impressive since I’d never debated the idea of perception. At all.). For instance, have you ever thought about the idea that choices define you? I think that’s an incomplete thought. Perception of a fact, such as an event that occurred, a person you’ve met, or an idea you’ve encountered, is ultimately what drives the decision making process. So wouldn’t it be perception that defines us? This might not seem like a very consequential discovery, but as I deal with major mood shifts, possible depression, looming major life choices, and overall self discovery I’m beginning to wonder how much of my life and feelings I can control just by harnessing my power of perception.

Of course, opening the door to ideas like these tend to end up with my usual reactions to self discovery in this order: personal empowerment -> realizations of the large responsibility now in my hands -> assumptions of lack of ability to handle large responsibilities -> personal blame for not figuring these things out sooner/wielding such power over the self in a disciplined manner. Then, because most self discoveries as these follow this pattern, I fall prey to my own personal brand of *justified emotional degradation* (JED for short — totally made it up myself, maybe I should copyright that sucker. Unless it’s already a thing. If so, forget everything you’ve read, I own nothing.).

So my question becomes this: If I’m now aware of the possibility of a control that could make me a better person by influencing how I feel about things, am I morally obligated to tackle the responsibility? Am I committing a crime against myself by allowing my perception to run rampant, motivated seemingly by only a drive to justify my own selfish wants or emotions?

Welcome to the mind of a crazy person looking to fine tune the self for the betterment of anyone.



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