5 Golden Rules of Mentorship
A mentor is defined as ‘an experienced and trusted adviser’. However, many Nigerian’s get the definition of a mentor confused. What they actually want is a god father, but if you want a god father, this is the wrong article for you, as this article is about mentorship.
I have explained what a political god father is below, so if that is what you want, you can stop reading, as that isn’t what the article is about.
Political Godfather: Many people think a mentor and a political Godfather are the same thing. No, no. Very different! Political Godfathers are people that introduce their god sons/god daughters into politics in exchange for complete control of their decision making when they get into political positions. This is very different from mentorship.
Mentors will be invaluable to you in your career journey, business journey and journey of life, not sure I can say the same about god fathers :-)
Here are five of my golden rules of Mentorship that I have applied to help me build my business so far.
1. Remember mentorship is more ‘give’ than ‘take’
Your mentor doesn’t exist to dash you money. Your mentor isn’t a bank or a VC. Many people view mentors as people that should give them money and pay their bills.
There maybe an element of financial support in a mentorship relationship, but in my experience these relationships are usually based around good quality advice, frank feedback and the occasional introduction.
In actual fact, financially you may end up doing more for your mentors than they do for you. A few years ago, one of my mentors in Abuja needed something urgently from Lagos. She happened to mention it casually to me on WhatsApp. I saw my opportunity to do something for a lady that had mentored me for years. So I told her to stop worrying about the item completely, I would procure it and deliver it by hand to her in Abuja. It cost me several million naira to purchase at such short notice. The money would have been nothing to her; but it was something to me. However, I refused to take the money back from her.
I have always seen my mentorship as more about what I can give than what I can get. This was a small way that I made a difference to her and she still talks about it till this day.
2. Your mentor doesn’t have to be in your family
Luckily I have been blessed with excellent role models in my family. My parents taught me about hard work and perseverance. I learn and grow with my fantastic husband everyday.
My Uncle Dele Adesina SAN helped me learn professionalism and improve my presentation.
But I also have mentors outside my family. Some people may not have role models in their families at all.
Nigeria is a very state-centric, ethnocentric environment. But when seeking mentors it’s important to be open minded. Rather than making these decision solely on family, state of origin, tribe or religion; it’s usually far more productive to look at your potential mentors values.
You can actually learn a lot from people from other tribes or who have had different life experiences to yours.
See my article on what we can all learn by Thinking more Igbo: https://medium.com/@drola/the-secret-power-of-igbos-igbocorp-inc-5f437815a017
3. Your mentors are the most important people in your life and you should treat them as such.
Tara and Fela Durotoye have been mentors to me since I moved to Nigeria. From horrific business meltdowns to relationship woes they have offered me wise counsel and direction. They forced me to define my values and it’s those values that have continued to define my growth as an investor, as an entrepreneur and as a wife.
At my wedding ceremony, we didn’t have a pastor. They did our blessing and took us through our vows. They spoke to me and David in a way that few other people could. That’s why we go to any length to make sure that we remember them in our daily prayers and will go to any length to support whatever events/businesses/programs they are involved in.
4. Choose your mentors carefully
Not every big man or big madam is a good mentor. If you have a mentor and you don’t understand the way they make their money; please consider the possibility that they may be stealing it. People with unexplained wealth in Nigeria generally make poor mentors.
Note for women. There is great deal of evidence by that shows that male leaders are less able to give more junior women the type of feedback they need to excel at work/career. Many women have positive, even borderline flattering relationships with their male superiors, but when it comes to joining their boards/ministerial appointments or other senior leadership positions, they choose other men. This is why there is a layer of very qualified women stuck in middle management/mid-level civil service in Nigeria, with very few making it to the top.
For more information on this research; look at the excellent work done by Professor Sylvia Hewlett .
In my experience the old Nigerian sugar daddy types that tell you that they can mentor you are lying. They are value extracting, exploitative, sexually deviant buffons incapable of adding any value. My general advice is to steer well clear.
There maybe exceptions and I have met a few, but as soon as a 60 year old man starts telling you how sexy you are and how you should come to his house when his wife is not around; he is not your mentor, he wants you to become dependent on him . And will often actively sabotage your chances of being the boss lady you dream of becoming. Get out.
5. Your mentors don’t have to be people you know personally
Brian Tracey, Tony Robbins, Robert Kiyosaki and Steve Jobs have all mentored me through their books or books about them. I remain fascinated by how much you can change by reading a single book.
I have always tried to keep great people around me; but books have been my ultimate mentors. If you grew up in a working class environment like mine, where it was rare to meet or spend time with people that had, had the kind of success you desire, it’s foolish not to read. Its virtually your only option. You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with and if you spend an hour reading a book, the book becomes one out of five people you hang out with.
It’s difficult to even access certain types of people till you get to a certain level in business. So before you can access them in person, you can access them through their books.
This is a list of some of my favorite business books: https://medium.com/@drola/my-favorite-business-reads-5f211e713ec0
Mentors will be invaluable to you in your career journey, business journey and journey of life.
Good luck as you build the future; it’s easier if you have good mentors to guide you.
