What’s Your Happy Place?
Last time, we asked ourselves, “Are you happy?” and I hope the answer was yes, eventually.
Today, the question on my mind is, “What’s your Happy Place?” I am not talking about the place you go in your mind to meditate and calm yourself (that’s a beautiful thing, by the way).
I know happiness should come from inside me and the happenings around me should not eclipse my happiness. Yet, sometimes, I find my mood dipping for a while because of something that’s not going according to my plan.
When this happens, I try to recentre myself by asking, “what’s the one thing that makes me happy when all else fails?”
Let me share a little experience with you, Ladies. After I had my first child, things went awry pretty fast. The simplest ObGyn procedure in the world (episiorrhaphy) was botched so badly that it took two corrective surgeries and nine agonizing months before a semblance of perfection was restored. I couldn’t wrap my mind around the situation. Bear in mind that, being a medical doctor in a developing country that is struggling with optimizing healthcare delivery, I had hoped I would be immune from the systemic lapses.
Initially, I was angry, sad, and all the emotions in between. Then, I sat myself down and let all the emotions wash over me for the last time. I asked, “Are you done?” When I got a positive answer from myself, I figured out my happy place in that situation: i) my baby and I were healthy and well ii) my Hubby and I were at peace about the implications.
So, I lived in my happy place for the next nine months, through the pain and the upheavals. I wasn’t pretending to be happy. I simply was happy. The ongoing drama couldn’t touch me. I was immune to it. I enjoyed watching my son grow for those nine months. I wasn’t going to let the situation rob me of the most wonderful memories of my life.
Let me clarify a few things though:
- Your happy place can be anything.
- Your happy place should be predetermined. A dipping of your mood can color your answer unfavorably, making things seem direr than they really are.
- Your happy place can be more than one, obviously. In fact, it could be a cluster of variables. What’s crucial is that they add up to bring you joy.
- Your happy place can vary across timelines. What made me the happiest five years ago has changed now.
- Your happy place varies in diverse settings. In a new situation, I try to carve it out as soon as possible, so that I am unruffled by the dynamics playing out around me.
- Your happy place is your happy place. There is no right or wrong answer. It doesn’t have to be what others expect it to be.
I believe figuring this out serves as an anchor, a stabilizer.
Right now, my answer is ‘We (my loved ones and I) are well and at peace’. Does that mean things are perfect? No conflicts, no health challenges? No, of course not. It just means that my positive emotions and experiences overshadow my negative emotions and experiences. Things just balance out, leaving me in a happy place.
So, Ladies, “what’s your happy place?”
What’s the bottom rung on your ladder? What makes you say, “Hey, I can take so much, but don’t you dare touch this!” or “As long as I have this, I’m good. Bring it on!”
P.S: If your happy place is disturbed, it’s likely to have a significant impact on you. Join me next time (in our pursuit of happiness journey) and let’s talk about how to grow your happy tree and fortify yourself from a meltdown when your happy place is disturbed or outrightly crushed.
Enjoy this phenomenal song: Little Wonders by Rob Thomas