Molyneux talks to press, shocks world

By Reece ‘Druif’ Druiven

22Cannots founder Peter Molyneux has surprised all by participating in an interview despite swearing them off indefinitely last year.

Speaking with Eurogamer, Molyneux said that it would be “unfair” to keep his word, as the studio wanted to share something “more important than a cure for cancer”.

“You know our game that everyone thought a disappointment — Godus?” he said to their empty waiting room prior to being interviewed, Eurogamer receptionist Sharon reported. “Well, we’ve released that same game with the promised features that were missing the first time around!”

Molyneux further promised that every person whose name begins with ‘S’ can expect a cheque worth USD$50 in the mail by the end of the week, “or [his] name isn’t Joseph”.

His uncharacteristic dishonesty has sent shockwaves through the gaming community, with many lashing out on social media.

“If not even Peter [Molyneux] can keep his word, I just don’t know what to believe anymore!” gamer John vented on Facebook. “It really puts things into perspective —everything is Black and White, he told a big Fibble and we’re the stupid Populus who believed him! To think, an honest man like Pete went back on his word!”

Upon hearing of the furore, Molyneux claimed that he’s “deeply sorry and stuff”, adding that he definitely doesn’t “cheat on [his] taxes” — not before denying wearing any pants (despite clearly wearing pants at the time of questioning).

Godus Wars is available now on Android and iOS, and is never exiting early access on OSX and Windows.

Reece ‘Druif’ Druiven is a writer, musician, gamer and aspiring academic. You can find him complaining on Twitter at @druifordare. He also runs a fornightly gaming podcast, The Button Mashup, listenable here. This article is very clearly satire.