I am writing about my personal life, even though it may be hard, I feel as if this is a way for me to let go, and move on.
Growing up was so easy for me. I have parents who love the fuck out of me, an older brother who means more to me than words can describe, and a beautiful sister who I look up to.
Elementary school was a breeze, nothing but great memories of playing on the playground with my bestfriends by my side, not a worry in the world.
Starting middle school was a bit harder for me considering I went into it with glasses and braces, what an easy way for kids to make fun.
The start of 8th grade is when things started to change for me. I began to have a stalker (well, not really a stalker, just an 8th grade boy who wouldn't leave me alone) so when things got out of hand, my bestfriend sucker punched him then got suspended, big surprise there. Once my bestfriend was suspended, I started to get bullied and threats on how I “better watch my back because I don’t have anyone looking out for me anymore”. Things once again got out of hand, and I ended up trying to commit suicide. I obviously failed at that. My parents hearts were broken. My friends hearts were broken. I broke so many hearts, and I was too ruthless to see it.
Freshman year I met two really great girls that soon became my bestfriends (and still are).
Sophomore year my friend committed suicide, and my heart shattered. I soon realized the pain I put everybody through back in 8th grade. It wasn’t until this incident that I realized the damage I had done, and the real meaning of life. May I add, I am so fucking thankful that I am not dead. I wouldn’t have had the opportunities that I got after 8th grade, and even though it seemed as if nothing would get better, everything got better. Life is so fucking beautiful and it will always continue even if you think it won’t. Things can get so hard, and trust me, I understand that, but nothing is better than finding yourself and realizing how truly beautiful and precious every day is.
Junior year starts and I found the love of my life. Nothing is as great as the day I met him. We go through some rough patches, but doesn’t every relationship? The one thing I do know is that I will spend the rest of my life with him. Every heart break from the years before, the boys before, the love before, I no longer feel because this boy fills my body with sunshine. There is not a single thing that is as great as the love he showers me with.
Half way through junior year and I find myself smoking way more pot than I should be and doing way too many lines of coke. Must I say though, weed wasn’t the problem, nor will it ever be. I got myself into a lot of trouble and lost trust with people that matter the most in life. It felt as if my life had hit rock bottom again, but I did know that I could get through it.
Now, here we are, on this exact day that I am writing this, January 10th, 2017. I am currently 16 years old and God can I say that life has been one hell of a ride, but I wouldn’t change a single thing. You know how people say that past experiences make you who you are today? That is the damn truth. I would not be who I am today if it wasn’t for what has happened in the past. But that’s the thing, the past is the past and the only way to move on from the past is to let it go. Never let what happened to you affect the way you think, speak, or move. You are greater than the painful memories. You have the chance to start over every day. Every fucking day. How crazy is that! I am beyond blessed to have my family, friends, lover, and many more in my life. I am beyond blessed to still be in this life. I know that I am worth it, and I am so happy to finally be able to share this (even if not many read) because I am finally learning how to let go and damn does it feel good.
I am excited to say that I will have a great life, no matter the challenges that come my way. I am excited for what is to come and I am excited to see what God throws at me next. God bless.