Dirt Sheets

The President’s Winter Plans, Sourced From Backstage

I feel like I need to help my fellow Americans survive the rest of 2017. Pro wrestling isn’t complex, neither is this president. So you won’t be caught off guard in the coming weeks, I’ve created a spoiler:

October/November

  • The president will create a brand new “feud” in the entertainment industry.
  • The president will attack “the authority” by undermining the efforts of foreign policy experts.
  • The president will mention his “arch rival,” Hilary Clinton.
  • The president will have himself recorded enjoying luxury — steak dinners, golf, private jets.
  • The president will have himself recorded connecting to regular people — fast food, rallies, baseball hats.
  • The president will “turn heel” on an ally.

December

  • The president will use Christmas to generate “cheap heat” or “cheap pops,” depending on your perspective.
  • The president will proverbially “blade” to show he is sacrificing for the county. He won’t actually bleed, simply remind the public what he “gave up” to “serve.”
  • The president will “cut a promo” on an adversary.
  • The president will defend members of his “stable” as the Russia investigation intensifies.
  • The president will turn on a member of his “stable” as the Russia investigation intensifies.

If you don’t like this show, turn it off. Tune in to local legislation. Tune into your representatives. Tune in to international policy. Read. Vote.

If you like the show, Vince McMahon does it better. He used to employ the president and taught him the finer points of building relationships. Tune in Mondays and Tuesdays on the USA Network.