The Lion

A post written two years ago as a gist, that I often revisit when I need a reminder. Decided to publish it more publicly.

For several months I’ve been tweeting “#MentalHealth Updates” on Twitter. Trying to break the stigma around Mental Health, by being very open about it.

I do this because I love too many people who suffer, and because I suffer myself. I do this becauase as a prominent member of the community I have a megaphone, and I can show that it does not discrimate, it can affect anyone, and it’s not our fault.

I suffer from depression.

Todays #MentalHealth update was my first non-positive one.

One thing Greg Bauges talks about is crutches.

If I took insulin for diabetes, no one would say, “you’re just using that as a crutch”. Only when talking about the brain is “using a crutch” considered a bad thing. Anyone who’s ever broken a leg will tell you that crutches are actually pretty useful when you’re injured.

A crutch is an aide, a mechanism to assist you in dealing with what ails you. The Lion is my crutch, my aide.

When I tweeted that, I got this question on IRC:

Davey: What’s with the Lion?

So, here’s the story of my crutch.

In 2002 I met a woman online. She was in Florida, and I was in the UK. So our relationship started off long-distance, as in somewhat common in this day and age, but back then wasn’t so much the norm.

We decided that we would meet up for the first time in March of 2003. And it scared the shit out of me. I was going to go to a foreign country, and meet up with some “random” woman from the internets. I had never been in a serious relationship, and that scared me too. How on earth could we make this work?

I told her this, and she, wise woman that she was, sent me a link, and told me this:

This is a picture of a Lion. To me, you are a Lion, strong and brave. I want you to print this, and put it in your wallet. Every time you get scared, just take a look and remember you are my lion, and you can do anything.

So I did. And I did go to the states, I did meet her. Then I married her and <del>lived happily every after</del> enjoyed what little time we had together.

I kept that lion picture in my wallet for about 6 or 7 years. Until my current wife washed my wallet. I replaced it. She washed it again. Then she bought me a keychain with a Lion stamped into it, so that it would survive a wash (and has done so multiple times!).

If you ever see me at a conference, you’ll notice I always have my keys on me. The sole purpose is for that keyring. To remind me that I am strong, and I can do anything — like talk to random people, or get up on stage, or express my opinion and ideas to people way smarter than me.

And that’s why I’m changing my lock screen today, because today I need a lot more strength to get through. But I will. I am a Lion, hear me ROAR.