Why People See Things Differently
I have a spend a great deal of time trying to put myself into other people’s shoes and figure out why they may see something differently than I or others do. Part of the reason that I have found this important for me is that I have an Autism Spectrum Disorder formerly known as Asperger’s Syndrome. Asperger’s Syndrome in particular involves normal language development but difficulty in reading facial expressions and nonverbal cues. I suppose that it makes sense that missing that form of communication while growing up can lead one to develop different thought processes than others. However, I have seen many other people have difficulty seeing eye-to-eye on things, even when they both have similar levels of experience and education, and it is difficult to believe that many of them were on the autism spectrum as well.
My first job after college was as an engineer at a rocket propulsion company. I worked in combustion analysis and happened to begin when the company was investigating instabilities in the thrusters for a missile interceptor. It was a serious complication for a major military program, so several highly experienced engineers from different companies and government organizations were meeting regularly to figure out how to fix it. I spent months sitting in a “war room” filled with people who had several decades of experience in rocket propulsion. One might think that those who belonged to the same older generation of aerospace engineers would all see one single solution. Instead, they spent many long hours arguing over whose theories were worth investigating and whose were clearly wrong. During this time, I was tasked with going through data and putting together various graphs for different engineers to check their theories. Unfortunately, with processes as complex as rocket combustion, you can come to appreciate how little we understand everything that happens, even in our own inventions. What we do not know leaves room for a lot of guesswork, and different people are likely to take different guesses.
1. Assumptions
We all make assumptions to get through everyday life. Everything would take much longer if we only acted once we had complete information. Much of it would never happen at all. Unfortunately, I think that often we consider our assumptions to be “common sense.”
2. Estimates of Probability
Even when we acknowledge that we are not certain about something, we estimate how likely different possibilities are and decide which is the best bet. These estimates are based on assumptions and can also lead on to disagreements. What may seem to be a safe bet to one person can be an unreasonable risk to another.
3. Priorities
Even when we are in complete agreement about our assumptions and estimates of probabilities, we may disagree simply because we have different priorities. We all are biased towards actions that will help us and those close to us. In an organization, different people may have different responsibilities, and often that is by design. The person responsible for safety in the workplace or for maintaining proper security often is not the same person responsible for meeting customer demands on-schedule, because a situation may put those goals at odds with one another.
Also, We all have different experiences in life, and those can leave lasting impressions on us. An experience feels bad enough can leave someone more averse to risking a repeat of it. You may be willing to accept a 10% chance of a certain scenario happening a first time, but if it happens and is unpleasant enough, 10% may then seem too high to risk it happening a second time.
I try to keep these factors in mind when I disagree with people in order to reserve judgements on them, and on myself. We may not disagree because one of us is less intelligent than the other, but simply because of the complexities of life. Even if I decide that it is still necessary for me to do my best to overrule them, I can keep in mind that, were I in their position, I might want the same thing that they do. I fully respect everyone’s right to hate it when these conflicts happen. But if you cannot help hating something, then I suggest following the adage: “Do not hate the player. Hate the game.” Sometime, life just gets rough.
