Life Comes And Goes In Waves.
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them — that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”
— Lao Tzu
As individuals, we all have our own mission in life.
A calling that propels us to live life to its fullest.
Committed to these missions, we set goals, timelines and expectations for the way we hope our lives will pan out.
We become inherently obsessed with knowing. Knowing where we will be in x amount of weeks, months or years. Knowing how our decisions will unfold.
These ideals are great. They are what primes us to strive to become our best version of ourselves.
However, life as we know it, is far from what we envision.
It is nowhere near linear.
We’ve all seen the image displaying life as being one crazy ride.
We come to understand that this is a part of life; and yet, whenever life turns sporadic, we fail to keep things in perspective.
Failing to do so allows our emotions to get the better of us. Overwhelmed, we make irrational conclusions about why certain things happen and that perhaps it is our fault for how things turned out the way they did.
Amor Fati
For many of us, there is a higher power in the universe.
Call it fate or destiny, each one of us has been blessed by life’s special mystery. The kind of mystery that gifts us with the people and experiences. The kind of mystery that is explained by being in the right place at the right time.
More often than not, it is these unexpected moments in life that are the most fulfilling. Moments like meeting your soulmate, rekindling an old friendship or being granted a career opportunity.
By acknowledging and appreciating these moments and experiences and their impact on our individuals; we begin to cherish the notion of amor fati.
Or as the Stoics translated, a love of fate.
The Art of Acquiescence
The concept of amor fati is contingent on one’s ability to espouse the “art of acquiescence.” According to Marcus Aurelius, acceptance requires us to understand that there are things in life that are simply out of our control.
Letting Go
Being conditioned to ensure expectations are met and goals are achieved, the process of letting go can be hard for us.
We have the urge to know why things happen as a way to learn how we can avoid being in the same unfavourable circumstances.
It is this (stubborn) mindset to always know that makes acquiescence difficult.
We become attached to our initial hopes and expectations. We convince ourselves that our inability to meet these or to see things through is a direct reflection of our failure.
A key component of Buddhist teachings is the Four Noble Truths. The second Noble Truth in particular about suffering being a result of attachments and expectations, reminds us of the dangers in being stubborn.
One way of overcoming this attachment is to be still in our thoughts.
Being Still In The Moment
By definition, acquiescence is equivalent to passive acceptance or submission.
Being passive means to stop doing.
To stop (over) thinking.
In a world where busyness and achieving goals are the ultimate status symbols, it can be hard for us to take the time out of our day to simply stop and reflect.
With grit and courage being marks of an admirable character, we become conditioned to believe that resistance against adversity is a reflection of our strength. And so we fight the unfavourable circumstances that life places us in.
Showing that we have no weakness or vulnerability feeds our ego. It gives us reassurance that we can fight through things no matter what. That we are strong enough.
Whenever we get hit by adversity, our first instinct is to find an avenue where we can exert our feelings into something actionable.
Our ambition is at an all time high and so wanting to take advantage of this surge in momentum, we grit our teeth and with our heads down, we propel forward — harder and faster than ever.
However without finding this inner peace, this momentum (which we initially thought could not be disrupted) is bound to hit a roadblock. We feel great at the first few days, even weeks but then we encounter something that triggers our past pain and grief. And as we do, we fall back into a vicious cycle of our darkness and begin questioning why things happened.
In Taoism, there is a term called wu wei, which is usually translated as “actionless activity” or “sitting quietly doing nothing.” In ancient China, this was regarded as one of the highest achievements or virtues.
As Lao Tzu famously remarks, “To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders.”
Being passive allows us to find self reconciliation with focus.
Reconciling with ourselves, we put our ego aside and come to realise that we must evaluate the situation with logic, rationality and calmness. This requires great accountability.
An accountability where we own up to these feelings in our heart and ask ourselves “What is it that I am feeling? Why am I feeling this way? What are things in my control that I can do to rectify this discrepancy?”
Don’t just listen to the voices in your head. Talk to them.
We begin to realign ourselves and reach what the Stoics label as “self-temperance”.
Temperance is the knowledge that abundance comes from having what is essential. The Stoics often used temperance interchangeably with “self-control.”
Gaining this self control where we are still and can reconfigure our mind will allow us to appropriately invest our energies and emotions into things that will have a real impact.
“‘If you seek tranquillity, do less.’ Or (more accurately) do what’s essential — what the logos of a social being requires, and in the requisite way. Which brings a double satisfaction: to do less, better. Because most of what we say and do is not essential. If you can eliminate it, you’ll have more time, and more tranquillity. Ask yourself at every moment, ‘Is this necessary?’” —
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 4.24
When we take the moment to finally achieve this, an inner peace will feed our souls.
And as this occurs, we become consummated by the solace of surrender.
We stop fighting. Stop seeking the unknown.
And in the midst of it all, we pick ourselves up and continue moving forward with our lives.
The Universe Is Bigger Than You
Detachment and passive acceptance are instrumental in finding peace with yourself. Through both of these exercises, you immerse yourself into the solace of surrender.
However, amor fati is more than just these two processes.
Having a love for fate is not just saying “This happened. I am okay with it”
It goes deeper than that.
Upon accepting what is and detaching from our initial expectations, we must seek to recognise that there is a certain goodness, no matter how big or small, in whatever adversity we experienced.
That this goodness is a piece in this bigger jigsaw puzzle we’re all trying to solve. We might not know how this piece fits, but just knowing that it is a piece we need to complete our puzzle is the first step we all need to take.
Having faith that there was good in what happened requires us a special kind of optimism. The kind that compels us to believe that the world has so much more to offer for us.
Part of this is understanding that the universe is much bigger than all of us.
It sounds easy saying this now but in the heat of it all, we fail to realign ourselves with the universe and forget that there is so much more in our lives than that adversity we experienced.
The uncharted places yet to explore.
The passions yet to be developed.
The beautiful people yet to enter our lives.
Being excited for these life’s mysteries sets us on the right path towards optimism where he have faith that no matter how bad life can get, there is always a second chance awaiting for us.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
It’s okay to start again.
More often than not, when we start afresh we tell ourselves that our lives are restarting. That we starting from a blank canvas.
However, this is far from the truth.
Heading into the next chapter of our lives, we are armed with an abundance of life experience — both the bad and good. We are equipped with informed perspectives. We are guarded by a more grounded sense of direction.
We’re a bit rational. A bit more wise. A bit more self aware.
So when you’re about to enter a new door that is awaiting for you, don’t be afraid. Because when you open that door you are doing so as a stronger version of yourself who understands that whatever is behind that door is a part of the universe’s greater plan.
As A Man Thinketh
There’s no doubt that there will be both good and bad days in the process.
When the journey gets tough, it’s always important to keep your mind in check and your heart in balance.
James Allen in his book, As A Man Thinketh, emphasises the power of the mind. “Mind is the master-weaver, both of the inner garment of character and the outer garment of circumstance”
Take the initiative and cultivate your mind.
Surround yourself with positive vibrations.
Invest into those that matter to you.
Embrace meaningful interactions with people.
Commit to value adding activities that make you come alive.
“Man’s mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether cultivated or neglected, it must, and will, bring forth”
— James Allen
The Power of Now
You’ve heard it before but I’ll say it again.
Embracing the present is perhaps the most powerful thing you can do for yourself.
In between appreciating and treasuring the past; and looking forward to the future is living in the present.
Enjoy the beautiful weather. Laugh with your friends and family. Sing to your favourite music.
Whatever you do, embrace the present.
Final Word
It’s been a momentous past few months for me personally.
From discovering the beauty of New York City to reigniting my passions with a new tech startup to having my heart broken for the first time.
However, I’m still here and smiling (as I always do).
Remember that life is beautiful. That everything happens for a reason.
I hope that if you’ve read this piece, that you look after your soul because when you do, I promise you that the universe will look after you.
Sincerely,
Daniel.
