Day 6 — Stress vs Me

I know I said yesterday that I was going to talk about compression, but last night through me off a bit.

Yesterday wasn’t a very good day. If I had to compare it to anything, it would be a writer just starting at a blank sheet of paper just hoping that words come out of their pen.

I hooked my piano up to my computer and nothing happened, at all. For about two hours, everything felt like shit.

I would come up with some chords that I liked, try to play over them. Shit.

I’m finally able to hook up my full size keyboard so I can play with both hands into my DAW. If you thought, “Hey, maybe more freedom than just two octaves on my little Akai would spark some ideas.” I wish that were true.

If I were the old me though, my mind would be filled with the best ways to sell my equipment. That I’m an idiot for taking lessons for so long and not being able to produce a single note I liked.

While I did want to throw my computer through a fucking window, yesterday I did something a little different. I told myself that tomorrow will be better.

If I’m in this for the long haul, I’d have to be pretty full of myself to think that every single time I sit down at my piano, I’m going to create better work than I did yesterday. I can be pretty thick headed, and I am also a pretty sensitive guy, so it really hurts me to admit that, but it’s the truth.

I’m proud of the progress that I’ve made, but pride gets in the way of progress.

I’m so scared that the music that I share and the music that I make will never be good. That strangers listening to my stuff will just hate it and shame me. There is no doubt in my that someone, I barely know will someday write something online about how shitty my stuff is and I should quit.

It hasn’t happened yet, but let’s be real.

For anyone that is pursuing anything creative and feels the same way that I’m talking about, do the best you can to not judge your own work. It is not your job to judge the work you do. It is your job to create the art that you are capable of creating. And if anyone insults that art, there is a very good chance they don’t create anything and don’t understand how hard and scary it is to sit down to work the next day.

Some people are just mean for the sake of it, don’t do it to yourself.

I hope you all have a great Tuesday.

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