One Interesting Person.
The great philosopher and con-man Reverend Ivan Stang said it as early as the mid-eighties. To paraphrase, “The left would be a lot more popular if there was one person in it as alive and interesting to my six-year-old as Rambo”.
Once again, we are at a prime time for the progressive movement in this country to make considerable inroads into the moderate majority. Donald Trump and his Alt-Right Ramblers are shooting at their own feet constantly, and sometimes even hitting (I’m looking at you, Milo Yiannapoulos).
But in order for a movement to gain real traction, there has to be a single, galvanizing personality; that person often pushes other figures aside in historical retellings and gains almost mythic status. (For example, there’s no Harry T. & Henrietta Vyda Moore Day, which is a damned shame… and I suspect most people, if asked who Thurgood Marshall was, would guess he played for the Oakland Raiders). The progressive movement doesn’t have that right now, and it needs it desperately.
“But wait,” I hear you say, “what about Bernie Sanders?”
There’s two problems with that. First off, Bernie Sanders doesn’t play well in the Midwest and South; he’s just too darn New England. Secondly — people, the man is 75. He is going to be too old to run for President in 2020; or, at least, he’ll be too old to get elected, which for the Democrats and for all our sakes’ had better be the same damn thing. And before you even go there, Elizabeth Warren is 67 and from Massachusetts. Being from Massachusetts is the kiss of death politically in some areas that the Democratic Party desperately needs to crowbar out of the Red Zone — Ohio, Michigan, Missouri, and even Texas. (Ask Michael Dukakis, who managed to lose California and Illinois).
So who’s going to step up? Let’s look at some contenders.
CORY BOOKER (Junior Senator, New Jersey)
PROS: Charismatic, African-American, well-spoken. In an historical move, testified against Jeff Sessions’ nomination as Attorney General. His language in speeches sounds so much like Obama that Joe Biden thinks they’re BFFs.
CONS: Doesn’t consider himself a progressive. He’s from New Jersey, which is a safe Democratic State (it has gone blue in seven straight Presidential elections). His sexual preference is undetermined, which shouldn’t matter but will — and he flirts with vegan strippers.
WILD CARD: Looks like Vin Diesel.
XAVIER BECERRA (formerly US Representative from California; now CA Attorney General)
PROS: Rising star in Democratic politics. Set to defy the Trump administration on every attempt to undo Obama’s policies in court, so he’ll have high visibility. Great origin story — he grew up the child of immigrants, living in a one-room house. Latino. Looks Presidential (No, I can’t describe what I mean there).
CONS: Once again, doesn’t deliver a swing state. Needs a lot more visibility.
WILD CARD: There are 23 candidates looking to replace him as US Representative, including a former Sanders campaign staffer, a Libertarian paralegal, a Republican who “uses” “lots” of “quotes”, and someone whose nickname is Sharkie.
JOAQUIN CASTRO (US Representative, Texas-20)
PROS: From a state that keeps inching its way towards purple. Latino. Has a great deal of experience in state and national politics, including positions of authority in the House. Is heading up drive to criminally investigate President Trump.
CONS: Mother was and is a hard-core leftist who some Alt-Right websites already claim is a spy, plant, or Fidel Castro in drag. Is heading up drive to criminally investigate President Trump.
WILD CARD: Has a twin brother who is the mayor of San Antonio. Wasn’t this a movie?
JAY INSLEE (Governor, Washington State)
PROS: Spoiling for a fight with Trump; has already directed his state government to not enforce the President’s Executive Orders. Has declared Washington a sanctuary state.
CONS: Again, not a swing state. If Washington was any bluer, it’d be confused with a Doppler shift.
WILD CARD: Is a member of “Hoopaholics”, a charity group dedicated to “treatment of old guys addicted to basketball and who can no longer jump”. Perhaps could challenge Steve Bannon to a game of HORSE, as long as the horse was white.
TULSI GABBARD (US Representative, Hawai’i-2)
PROS: Active military (Major, Hawai’i National Guard). Iraq combat veteran. Photogenic. American Samoan.
CONS: Hindu, which to most conservative voters might as well mean she eats babies for fun and profit. Broke ranks with the DNC over Bernie Sanders. Has received criticism for her somewhat right-wing view on refugees and the war in Syria.
WILD CARD: Her first name means ‘Holy Basil’ in Sanskrit.
And I’m going to throw out a dark horse for fun…
ALICE CONSTANDINA “DINA” TITUS (US Representative, Nevada-1)
PROS: Vocal, active representative from a swing state. Has called out Republican NV Governor Brian Sandoval (aka One Of The Few Reasonable Republicans) to join Jay Inslee in refusing to enforce Trump’s immigration ban and Executive Orders.
CONS: Who? Also, looks strikingly like a SCTV character played by Andrea Martin.
WILD CARD: Co-chair of the House Recreational Vehicle Caucus. Which, in the end, is somehow cosmically significant.