The Contact Sport of Modern Dating and Other Perils of Social Media

The Contact Sport of Modern Dating and Other Perils of Social Media

I am no stranger to dating, as a few ladies will attest. Although, I’ve been out of the game for over a decade; two, if you include my failed marriage. I’ve remained good friends with many, a testament to my good taste and killer charm. I’m sure they would agree*ahem*. This, however, comes with a price and my first foray into the dating pool since, ended in spectacular fashion; worthy of a mini-series, soap, or mild tsunami. After posting an innocent picture of a good friend along with me at the movies, it consumed my new girlfriend with disproportionate jealousy and perhaps the caption befitting my humor not wise…

What a GREAT movie and better company! Thanks Amber for being my “date”!!!

What a GREAT movie and better company! Thanks Amber for being my “date”!!!-FB post

Yeah, probably not prudent, but I don’t think that’s something I’ll ever be accused. Still, she knew of my friendship with both Amber and her boyfriend Jason, but my facetiousness was lost on a person with English as her second language. I try to stay clear of drama where I tend to have some control, and I thought it prudent in terminating our status. The ensuing months proved unsuccessful in maintaining a neutral affair, as she took my friendship to be more than I offered, despite implicit conversation to the contrary. After intervention of a mutual friend, much to my embarrassment, I sought to end it(again) quite frankly, and assumed a role I don’t profess to complete. Alas, it was inevitable with her distempered desire and misunderstanding of my intentions forthwith. It became a necessary evil, one I did not wish to employ, but her safety was in question and possible result not one I could endure. I sent her a deliberate message and think I made it quite clear… but, you can be the judge.

“I understand that you have to work and you know I have always been sensitive to that, but I need you to acknowledge that you understand that you and I are in no way in a relationship. You say you are a realist, but you talk about unrelated matters when something I say doesn’t suit you. Like now. Talking about my health and how you research[my health], my posts, comments, et al. I told you about my debt and your medical, but I don’t know how you took that to mean that we are still in a relationship. It is just another case of you taking something I said and misconstruing it. I stated a few days ago, that we had not spoken, only to point out that we hadn’t spoken in a week. I wasn’t lamenting it, and it is again a false impression. You told me that you couldn’t have contact with me if there was no chance for us to be together, and yet you still communicate with me. I merely thought you were trying to be an adult and maintain a friendship, it wasn’t a signal of any type that I wanted a commitment from you. And you told me you couldn’t visit me as a friend. I’m telling you, that my invitation was only that of a friend. I don’t even think talking about that right now should be part of the discussion. I know that you think researching my illness will somehow bring you closer to me and I will somehow forget everything else and I will run into your arms… that isn’t going to happen. It isn’t that I don’t appreciate your efforts, and when you asked to start over I was adamant in telling you we were not boyfriend and girlfriend. But immediately after I stated that exact phrase, you said, “Okay! I will be your girlfriend again!”.

I corrected you directly after that statement, yet, here we are. I am reluctant to even be polite at this point because I am afraid you will take it to mean something utterly different, but I in no way want to be rude. But you have put me in an awkward situation I am still wondering how I got into. My friendly advice to you would be to leave FB for at least a month. Clearly, you cannot handle the social aspects of it without causing undue implications to yourself. I am not asking you to do so for my sake, I am asking for your health, as you apply a logic to other’s post that I can only describe as… unhealthy and improper. Even if you were correct about the numerous accusations you have made(you weren’t even in the ballpark), you clearly cannot handle the ramifications of such things. You need to take a mental vacation and get yourself well before you can pursue a relationship with anyone. Seeking one now would only serve to further your delusions and cause you more harm than any good that might come from one. Talk to friends, go to parks, do some shopping and learn a new skill. Read whatever it is that doesn’t take a lot of effort, [one that]doesn’t make you think about love or impossible situations that could never happen outside of Hollywood.

So, while I am a deliberate reader of fairy tales, I would not recommend those in the near future. Maybe a non-fiction book would be best. I’m sure you know of my love of music, but I hesitate to recommend it due to the fact you will take it the wrong way since we shared many songs together. Burn all the songs I sent you. Never listen to them. Ever. Find new music, new books, new goals, and new adventures. Understand that you will be okay. It is only going to be as difficult as you choose to make it. Take responsibility for your actions and don’t depend on anyone to make you feel confident or happy. Own your life.” - via Messenger

Mind you, this was the final motion, drafted only after being forthcoming and polite, many, many times. Even so, it was not in my nature to go to such length, but I was soberly left with no alternative. Previous efforts to outline my missive were taken completely out of context or willfully ignored, as the mutual friend would surely confirm. The drama was real, befit of a suitor much more capable than I. I am not dismissing the implication of having relations with other females while involved with another, no matter how innocent in nature. I understand the pretense of jealousy and of keeping such company. Women are wired that way, it is difficult even in the best of circumstance and appearances can imply so much more. Though, I often wonder whether such tact is wise, with the failures of past enduring romantic relations directly in my purview. However, I would choose to be forever alone, than to share a lie.

Social media played a role in my inevitable chastisement, even though my distaste for it was quite clear. She found coded message in every post and comment I would submit, and often took 2+2 to be 746372. This, I have found, is not unique to her, and is rather common among the fairer sex. Before you take offense, men could be like that too, I just haven’t had romantic relations with them. Maybe I should.

Despite daily conversation between us, she persisted in the notion that a simple “like” on FB meant much more. Though, I’m still trying to figure what romantic implication could have been given to another, reacting to a post that read “O-H-I-O”…

I do not seek to encourage displacing such a deeply ingrained belief, but maybe an understanding would have provided better relief. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


***Nobody was harmed in the making of this story, maybe a few bruised hearts and ego. My only intent is to share life experience in an entertaining fashion, nothing more. I will never use names/pictures without express permission from the party(s) involved, otherwise names will be changed when used. Some will inevitably be identified by association i.e. “son” or “daughter”, but I will always endeavor to protect those that seek it***

{Oh, and I ROCK!} ❤ :D