Appreciation: view life through a positive lens
How often does it happen? Karen said something weird to you at work or you start thinking about what you could have. “Ugggh, It’s one of ‘those’ days again…”, “I NEED a holiday!”, “I’ll be happy if I make a million dollars”, “I’ll only ever be happy when he/she likes me!!!”, “For god sake Karen!”
I’ve found that these small negative experiences can build up and throw you off your mood.
So, you end up unhappy… again… and the existential thoughts begin; you go back to the emo days and sob the lyrics to “I’m Not Okay” by My Chemical Romance.

More than a year ago I realised these behaviours were everywhere. I could be happily programming, I get a hard bug, and the next second I’ve introduced my face to the keyboard. Turns out he’s a decent fellow, but you don’t want to push his buttons.
Follow this up with life worries and by the end of the day, I had a headache.
When something goes “wrong”, or you believe you cannot possibly be happy, autopilot kicks in. Your brain takes shortcuts and you react how you have been conditioned to. The outcome… the crying child on the train is now your mortal enemy.
I’ve found an effective way to scratch these mental itches is Cognitive
Re-framing.
Sound scary? It can be as simple as stopping to think when something happens, and then “appreciate” it for what it is. Instead of letting an instant thought run wild, step back and think about your reaction.
The truth is, mother earth does what she pleases. You can’t control everything that happens to you, but you can choose how you react. You can accept things for what they are, and put yourself in the best possible position to take action. Once you start going in with this mindset you can face situations with clarity.
Appreciation, for me, has been instrumental in breaking autonomy. When you observe your thought mill, you can see the situation differently. Here is an example. I went on one of my usual trots down to the park at lunchtime. Having sat down for some meditation I felt a plop on my t-shirt and arm. A pigeon had pooped on me.

As a man, I like to dress and smell sharp, and at this moment I wanted roasted pigeon for dinner. Then it hit me… and no I don’t mean more poo. The pigeon doesn’t care if I’m underneath it. Shit happens.
Not only did this make me smile, but it stopped me from getting frustrated. It reminded me of a hilarious time on holiday when a pigeon pooped on my friend. At the end of the day, my t-shirt can be washed… and my dignity reclaimed from the trash.
This applies to less bird-brained situations though. Before you beat yourself up about not making the money, getting the girl/guy, or “messing” the conversation up, accept your current situation. It’s better to direct your energy towards what you can do, rather than feeling blue about the outcome.
Perhaps your coworker got annoyed with you. Instead of thinking “Screw him!”, appreciate he could be have been shat on by a pigeon. There’s no need to let it ruin your energy.
Events that people react negatively to often make them unhappy for no reason. This isn’t the fight-or-flight world we once lived in. The alpha caveman won’t beat you over the head with a stone if you don’t react to his behaviour. Stop building a glass palace where all your thoughts bounce off the walls and slap you in the face.
There is a distinction to be made here. If a truly bad event occurs, don’t lie to yourself. This technique isn’t about calling clouds beautiful for no reason. Accepting your lack of control will hurt, but sometimes it is the best thing you can do.
Well, this is good and all, but how do you apply it?
My recommendation… challenge yourself. I did this for 30 days, but you can do more or less. What is important is that you start. Every time you have an automatic unhappy reaction, acknowledge it and then re-frame it. I wrote down all the things that happened and how I reacted to them. Sort of like a positivity diary.
Yes, I know it sounds cheesy and patronising, but it works. Once you have repeated this re-framing process enough times, it will start becoming automatic.
Writing down actions or resolutions while they are still fresh in your brain is another good approach. A simple set of actions can be motivating if they are concise and achievable.
“I’m not the kind of person that can just be positive like this”. Yep, I’d probably say that if I read something like this for the first time. Without a bit of grit, this won’t work. Your brain is like thermo-plastic. If you don’t apply the heat and take risks you won’t change.
