The success follows your ego, your faith in your skills, how you can show and use them to highlight yourself and get f.e promotion because of that.
My personal experience, not only in IT shows that the problem is lack of women’s self confidence.
Łukasz Ostrowski

I promise you friend that this rule only applies to white men.

I have witnessed women with the same inflated ego and fake it till you make it mentality as successful men being criticized constantly for personality problems, or emotional angry black woman.

There is some truth though to what you are saying. I read a story from a woman programming instructor teaching high school students. This one girl in the class was very gifted however she consistently could not complete coding assignments. She would go ask for help and when she looked at her screen she found an empty code editor. Thr first thing she does when she sees this is Undo everything until she sees what thr girl wrote before she deleted it. Most of the time, they were 98% close to a complete solution but would rather turn in nothing and get a zero than have less than a perfect solution. The boys in the class had no problems turning in partial solutions. She sees this all the time as an instructor.

This is just another result of patriarchal values being instilled in boys and girls from a young age. Men are praised for ego and competitive nature from a young age. Men are praised for building things with legos.

Women are inundated with Barbies, and popular media depictions of perfect women and princesses. They are reinforced the idea that they only bring value to society by BEING and appearing perfect. No flaws, no blemishes. Barbies are just there to look pretty, they dont actually have to do anything and shouldnt show up if they are not perfect.

It is all connected and all an implicit manifestation of our patriarchal society.