A Guncle’s Quarantale
For many the quarantine, or The Great Pause, was a chance to reflect on oneself, exploring interests previously unknown. Many will come out of this with new skills and profound insights, such as how simple and relaxing it is to bake bread, or how many hours of practice it takes to get that 15 second TikTok dance just right.
But for second sons, specifically those who proudly dub themselves Guncles (gay + uncle), this was an opportunity for us to actually step into our evolutionary roles as secondary caregivers. Popping into our nieces and nephews lives for short family gathering was only a glimpse into the realities of being a parent. When it became clear the burden joy of parenting three kids under the age of five became too much for my brother and sister-in-law while both juggling professional now WFH jobs, I felt some tug. Whether it was love or the subtle hardwiring of my very existence, my family had a newfound need for childcare assistance, and I wanted to help.
A recent study by Ray Blanchard released in the Royal Society compared the effects of birth order of brothers, concluding that men with older brothers were 38 percent more likely to identify as gay. Thanks bro! While the biological mechanism that causes the latter born to be gay is not clear, the sociological hypothesis is that this second-born male would not challenge the first-born for alpha-status, but would be there to protect and feed his progeny thus extending his own genetic lineage. Interestingly, while older sisters do not increase your chances of being gay, they do enhance your ability to borrow their stuff without asking to look fabulous.
Grandma, or as I call her, Mom, repeated to me the sass my 5 year old niece served her upon being told I have no children of my own. She clapped back “What are you talking about, we’re his kids!” After weeks of referring to them as my niblings, which 9/10 times led to me explaining that it is a gender neutral term for nieces and nephews, I decided to follow her unfiltered wisdom and now simply call them my kids.
My kids are also fulfilling a desire I didn’t know I had to love and nurture, to pass down fun tricks and games I played as a child, and reverse the endless onslaught of cultural-conformity they are constantly being bombarded with. Some are of the mind that they are too young and innocent to hear about such things as gender-identity and racism, but it is exactly because of that they’re able to learn so readily.
They very quickly went from questioning my choice to wear nail polish since that is for girls to me preparing dinner in a full face and kaftan and the only thing asked was “is dinner ready yet?” They do not have to be programmed to interpret differences as bad, but celebrated and valued for the diversity they bring. We are all born human and race/gender/religion were all created by society to distinguish hierarchy for the benefit of those in power.
Now assuming you made it through the expert parenting advice of someone with one month experience, my idealism and delusion of what I would be like as a full time parent quickly went from homemade rainbow pasta and wrestling time to savoring every moment of them glued to an ipad screen so I could rest and catch up on my own life.
To all those raising families, especially through this first quarantine, remember…having children is a lifestyle choice. When you need us, the Guncles will be there. And like glitter, we will leave traces of sparkle (compassion, respect, freedom, love) on our kids that will never go away so this next generation can shine. Happy Pride everyone!