An Introduction to Meaning: How Values Build a Life

Values, like light and glasses, are not just things we see in the world but the very things we see the world by and through. They bend reality and experience to their shapes, render sacrifices meaningful, and can transform obstacles into joy.
I think if anyone wants to create meaningful and lasting change in the world, it has to begin with their own heart and hands. Politics, law, and culture are the dull edge of change. If policies and cultures are like branches of change, then the trunk represents the momentum of dedicated individuals, rooted themselves in values.
And so I’m looking at my own roots, the framework I’ve decided to build my life around, and I want to share the process. This article is my own thought catalog of mantras, principles, and stories which filter every decision I make. While I share this, it’s not in any capacity shared as advice. I’m absolutely not qualified to share experience as gospel. I’m not a millionaire or high-achiever. I don’t have the ego to believe another would want to live their life exactly the way I do. But I’m grateful for most days I live, deeply content in my relationships and work and am surrounded by a loving community of compelling humans. While these metrics are hardly scientifically measurable, there is a connection between the depth of my relationships and contentment with having a written value-system.
Why Create a Code of Values?
“Many of us have convinced ourselves that we are able to break our own personal rules ‘just this once.’ In our minds, we can justify these small choices. None of those things, when they first happen, feels like a life-changing decision. The marginal costs are almost always low. But each of those decisions can roll up into a much bigger picture, turning you into the kind of person you never wanted to be.” — Clayton Christensen
By defining your personal code of conduct and values, you clarify the behavior, patterns, and choices that give you satisfaction and meaning. Each action, no matter how small, can serve a greater purpose.
- Deciding your values in a system is one decision that makes a million others. Difficult decisions become easier, and there will be less dissatisfaction with your choices.
- When you distill what’s valuable, you direct your time, energy, and money in meaningful ways, wasting less of all three. Your time and money will tell the story of who you are. And all of these things are limited because of one all-encompassing truth: you, like everyone else, are going to die.
A Lesson from Moths
It’s night, the moon’s out, and you’re out by a roaring campfire. You watch a moth flutter about its edge, moving back and forth from the moonlight to the flame, dancing with the heat until suddenly–a flame wraps ‘round the winged creature to a fiery miserable death. What happened?
While it’s largely a mystery, a few entomologists believe moths are looking for the moon. In a behavior called transverse orientation, some insects navigate the sky by flying at a constant angle relative to a distant light, like the moon or some other distant star. Artificial and man-made lights seem to disturb this internal sense of navigation.
Moths that kamikaze themselves into flames are not just self-destructive creatures, but they have lost their sense of what they are truly looking for. A code of values is similar to transverse orientation: we commit to a relationship with a set of patterns, lessons, and stories. Values can be our moon, anything else might burn us.
My Code of Values
[*] Love others more than their expectations.
This is a loaded phrase. Love is one of the most abstract and elusive words we have, perhaps right next to “God.” But this is the most important code of my life, and it’s brought the most meaning to it. While it’s a generic phrase, I’ll be more specific. Frame every interaction with the question “how can I delight the other?” This is a key component of how Adam Robinson lives his life. When I am interruptible, when I let myself be open to loving someone I don’t expect to or I see an inconvenience, I feel most “whole” as a person. I feel most like myself.
[*] Do no harm.
First, do no harm. Then, if you can, leave everything better than you found it. If you borrow a car, bring it back with a full tank. If you meet a stranger, leave as friends. If you can’t improve upon silence, don’t.
[*] Always be grateful.
Practice it. No matter who you are, things can always be worse. Imagine the worse, follow the scenario to the end. Be strong enough to frame every inconvenience as a gift, an opportunity. Learning happens in the obstacle. You will always have problems, but you can choose the ones you would want. The world doesn’t owe anyone anything.
[*] Be the Batman of kindness.
Leave good tips. Write secret love letters. Buy coffee for the next person. You’re playing an eternal game of Secret Santa. And when you hesitate to do good–when it feels weird, unconventional, or outrageous–choose kindness anyways. When you pass the homeless on the street because you’ve convinced yourself you need to be somewhere else, Love goes back to smile hello.
[*] Create more than you consume.
Write the book you want to read. Create and design what you are missing. Make the conversations you want to engage in. Making is nearly always more satisfying than buying. Make living itself an art.
[*] Choose your influences.
Be selective of the passions that drive you. Be selective of the products and lifestyles you buy into. Be selective of the world surrounding you. The hype is often wrong. Don’t be the smartest in the room. If you think you are, check your ego. If you still are, you’re in the wrong room.
[*] Win, even in failure.
Play with the upper limits of yourself. Greatness is neither born from safety or comfort. There are more answers in hunger than in food. For any pursuit, ask how you can benefit in the long-term, even if you lose in the short-term. What lessons, relationships, or skills could you learn even if you missed traditional success?
[*] You are your word.
Let your yes be yes. Let your no be no. Yoda did or did not–there is no try. You’re going to die someday. You don’t need to overcommit. Know the value of your time.
[*] Make it happen.
The cavalry is not coming. Stay brave. Stay hopeful. Stay the fight. You’re smart, and you’ll figure it out. Burn the boats if you have to. Throw your hat over the fence. Commit yourself when it matters.
[*] Fall in love with wonder.
Wonder makes you live longer. It stretches time and makes the most mundane experiences into miracles. Ask good questions. Leap into the mystery. Be infectious with your curiosity.
[*] Work harder.
You won’t always be the smartest or the strongest, but you can always choose to work the hardest. Learn to be effective at things that matter. Then learn to be efficient. Know and prioritize work with significance, not just importance and urgency. Think about what will last. It helps to think of the work that has lasted the millennia, the choices your grandparents made that still affect you.
[*] “Eddie would go.”
In Hawaii during the 1980’s, there was a popular phrase printed on bumper stickers and t-shirts. All said: “Eddie would go.” Eddie Aikau was Honolulu’s first lifeguard, covering all the beaches between Sunset and Haleiwa. Even with three-story buildings of water collapsing all around him, Eddie didn’t let a single person drown. Perhaps Mac Simpson said it best. “Aikau was a legend on the North Shore, pulling people out of waves that no one else would dare to. That’s where the saying came from. Eddie would go, when no one else would or could. Only Eddie dared.” When no one else dares, dare.
[*] Pull the trigger.
If it can be done now and the only thing stopping you is laziness, pull the trigger. Do it now. Make your future self thank the present you.
[*] Do the next right thing.
When you are unsure of the next move, play the cards in front of you. Just do the next right thing, even if it hurts in the moment.
[*] Live your own life.
You are the only set of self-aware particles arranged the way you are. Leverage that by doing what fascinates you. Find the unique intersection of what you love and what the world needs. Make and define new categories. Anyone can be “successful,” both idiots and geniuses. Not everyone can live to their own standards.
Your Turn
Of course everyone is calibrated a little differently. What works for me may not work for you. Truth and subjectivity is such a polarizing topic these days, but I invite you to try a value system of your own, an honor code. A specific and definable metric where you can see how close you are to who you would like to be.
We aren’t the same, but we are in the same experiment of consciousness — and today isn’t much different from when cavemen would watch other cavemen strike stones for fire. No one has it completely figured out. I certainly don’t. But I hope this will be a place where you find a spark.
