A Case For Random Choices

Curiously, I imagine myself situated between two angled mirrors who reflect each other infinitely. Their conversation arcs slightly further with each new image and each new image grows smaller than the last, a paraphrasing that continuously loses information as it loses resolution.

I find myself turning backwards to look at the arcs far too often. They never tell me anything I didn’t already know but I always expect their to be more in me than what I already believe. I see no hidden kernals of truth in the recursion, no mystic beauty, or anything more than references pointing to other references.

How dry? How incredible?

I find the occasional self-contradiction highly interesting because it shows the boundaries of a soul. Our reference sets are parsed piecemeal and this restriction allows for the conversation comprising ourselves. The confluence of concepts sings, sometimes in cacophony, sometimes in euphony.

These polyphonic fragments hold our highest ideals and basest desires. To stay within the confines of any one self-concept too long is insanity. To switch too rapidly is also insanity. As beings that require both stability and novelty, this arrangement seems rather optimal. This base search for balance between motion and stasis, inherently contradictory and unresolvable, is the source of tension powering our inner conversation, extended by haphazard and arbitrary conclusions into a narrative of “who we are” or “who we should be.”

This ordering is inescapable and a fundamental part of the human experience. However, it creates the unfortunate situation many find themselves in of “acting themselves.” It allows our lives to settle and it prevents us from really living the freedom inherent to agency. The curse of the rational motive lies in allowing us to feel as if we had to. This is self deception for no soul has to be anyway or do anything except that which it accepts.

Full existential freedom is of course terrifying, but the occasional reminder is highly empowering for the agent. So go do something utterly strange. You’ll find that there’s a certain beauty within non-judgement. There’s a certain strength and an unexpected stability in ceding order as just another function of the mind. Paint the walls of your reality in clashing colors and laugh at the dissent. It’s not like anything will last anytime at all.