All In My Head

My sensory base level

Is it vertigo when I always feel blood rushing to my head? My body doesn’t bother me but my forehead always feels dense. An internal pressure impressing itself on such a small volume. A muggy soup of partial cognitions that hold the air still but make it dramatically humid. It feels like the lower lobes of my brain are trying to sink beneath my eyes. My temples are always steaming and I cannot close the valve. It’s so salient in my senses that it becomes my distraction. The slow burn headache simply sits compressing all that flows through my mind.

This pressure steps on me at all times like a personal drill sergeant bastard. The shape it takes clues me in on what I feel emotionally and its strength increases with my excitement. I would love a simple explanation for the pressure such as “fear of failure” or “anxiety towards judgement” but those manifest as seperate bodily sensations. No, I’m starting to believe this pressure, this deforming orb at the forefront of my forebrain, is my operating system. It could be the reference mixture that conflagrated memories are derived from, where my social expections lie, and where the inferences constructing my logic reside. It could be a random synesthetic mapping of my emotional state onto a particular patch of skull. I don’t know why or how this is but I wish it would stop. I would like a little more void in my inner life.