What do I actually want from you?

I think I’ve never clearly enumerated my expectations for a relationship. I’ve not explicitly stated my boundary lines perhaps because they’re still in flux. I don’t want specific actions so much as a way of looking, an understanding between us that you have no grand imperative to actually fulfill. Afterall, my expectations should not shape your behavior nor will yours shape mine.

I need you to understand that I would change my heavens and earth for you but I need your full faith for the magic to be real. I would gladly suffer with you because the mutuality of our pain overrides it. I will not feed the demons of your lesser nature if you agree to watch out for mine. We paint the universe with our lives, 2 points spiraling around one another, rippling across the sea. The beauty of us lies within the image.

I will not give this narrative to you and expect full reciprocity. We cannot paint as one hand. Still, I need you to trust the image. I need you to to recognize the nothingness surrounding us and laugh with me.

I understand your reticence for nothing lasts forever. One of us will die before the other but never doubt the strength of my breath and the depth of my commitment. I will be here whenever you ask but you must ask. I will not dilute your power by assuming you need me.

I may never fully realize the ideal simply because you won’t try to take me up on it. If you asked me, I’ve already said yes. I’ll always be in you corner and on your side, I just wish that it was ours sometimes.