My realization — Part 1

Everyone has a story to share as we grow up from our childhood and enter into adulthood and live beyond the bachelor life. Life offers teachings with good experiences and when we experience our first love in adolescence, everyone has a common question to ask, ‘why me?’

On a fine morning when I was doing my high school in the year 2008 my father took me for a ride to a near my local lake for fishing, I felt very bored and never showed interest in catching anything special but my father seems to be having some luck on Grass carp fishes. So far he had caught five fishes. I was sitting idle on the boat showing no interest for what so ever.

“Fishing is not my profession,” I told myself.

“There is always something you could do even if it is not your profession.” My father said glimpsing at me.

I was amazed by how my father read my mind, he did not even look at me, yet he was able to decipher what exactly I thought. He came close to me and looked into my eyes and then said in his soft voice.

“There is always something you could do even if it is not your profession, but if you like, do what you like son, and don’t care what other might say.”

I felt so silly, I liked fishing very much, but still, I did not want to do as I felt awkward thinking what others might say if I become a fisherman. I took the fishing rod from my father and with great effort, I caught the sixth Grass carp.

I was really inspired by my father, I kept saying myself until I went to bed that day ‘There is always something I could do even if it is not my profession, but if I simply like’. My father is all my inspiration, my father is not a fisherman, he has a great business to run, yet he catches fishes and sells it in the market at a low profit, he does it simply because he likes it.

Few years past and I was in my first-day college, my heart started feeling new things which it never felt before. I usually love smelling flowers, watching rainbows, eating chocolates and smashing cakes, but that day I thought I had other things that which was more interesting than flowers, rainbows, chocolates, and cakes. I was really amazed by how my eyes traveled along with girls.

“It is not my problem if girls are everywhere,” I told myself.

My adolescence age was pumping adrenaline into bloodstream whenever I saw a girl passing by. Those pink lips, thin waist, and dazzling hair were turning me on, every time I looked at them.

Few days past and when I was running late to my class after my lunch, I accidentally walked into a girl who was standing next to my classroom door, when I was about to apologize her she turned to face me. My heart skipped as I realized I was about to speak with one of the prettiest girls in the college. I was simply staring into her brilliantly bright beautiful eyes trying to find some words to put into a sentence, but nothing came out. She looked into my staring eyes with bewilderment but then blushed. She walked away joining her waiting friend leaving me all alone in the corridor, my heart felt empty gasping for air as she walked away, she was my first girl on whom I walked into.

It took few hours for me to find her name, her name was Deepali and she was a first-year student just joined like me doing computer science in a nearby classroom. I felt excited and happy planning to met her again and express how I felt on her. Few days past and I walked into her again, but this time I did on purpose. As we stumbled across the corridor and fell over each other I felt guilty for making her a mess. We apologized to each other and then I took her out for a coffee where we became good friends.

One year past, when I was in my second year, my relationship with Deepali was something more than a friendship. We talked for a long time mostly late after nightfall, we started feeling comfortable with each other as our conversation grew. I called her to my home one day where I decided to propose her, she promised me that she would come on the following Saturday evening.

Saturday came ever so early that week as I was waiting and biding my time for that beautiful moment to happen. I was feeling a bit too nervous preparing myself again and again on how best to propose her. My heart skipped when I heard the calling bell, I felt so nervous, yet I was brave enough to open the door. She was on her most beautiful certain lilac saree with roses on her curly hair. Her waist was so thin and beautiful, her lips were small and pink like a rose petal. She had dimples in her cheeks when she smiled at me. I lost myself admiring her beauty. I took her to my living room and made her sit on my sofa. I made a silent move to a nearby shelf from where I brought her a bouquet of flowers and said in what I thought was my sweetest voice.

“You look so beautiful, please marry me,” she blushed for a moment but then said.

“I was all yours the moment you decided to walk into me on that corridor”.

Our relationship became stronger with every passing time. When I was in my third year I realized I would literally die if I missed her. I became mad admiring her beauty every time she passed me. I spent most of my time with her alone in her house cooking, playing and loving. I did not care about my studies nor anything else. My scores in the exam were becoming worst as days past. It was when my best friend Balakrishnan got placed as a software engineer, I realized I was making some terrible mistake. My love with Deepali was haunting me and making me get engaged with her all the time. She was also getting more proposals from many other guys who were much more worthy for her desires, but gratefully she ignored them all.

When I was in my fourth and final year I decided to take a break, I explained her the importance of my career and the future I was planning on, she agreed without hesitation. Three months past and I felt relieved and better on concentrating other things, I felt like a new world was unfolding in front of me with thousands of opportunity waiting to invite me. I concentrated hard on studies and waited for an opportunity to become a Software Engineer. Six months past and I got placed as I wished. Now it was a time I thought I could finally speak with Deepali and explain her my plans.

I was waiting for her in her classroom and heard her crying, it was lunch hour so no one was in the class except her, I went near her and found her eyes filled with tears; she should have been sobbing too hard. She did not acknowledge my coming nor did she speak with me until I asked her. She was refusing to speak with me for a long time and she even resisted my touch. When she opened her mouth, she said.

“I am sorry, please forget me, I don’t deserve you, I belong to someone else now”.

I was stunned and breathless with what she said, she told me how her parents came to know about our love and how they kept her at home without allowing her to college and she told me how her parents engaged her to someone else.

I know Deepali was not coming to college for a couple of weeks but that was when I thought she should be sick, I never expected she would be marrying someone else. When she said she was engaged, I did not cry, but I felt every bit of me crumbling into pieces, I was feeling completely empty and realized I could do nothing. The customs and tradition followed in India were one the most unbreakable bonds ever to exist and whatever I told her made no difference. She was gone, she got married and after a month, I never saw her again.

My college was over and I had nothing with me except my graduation certificate and a beard on my face. I did not go to the job where I was placed.

I had no job, no hope, no future, no light, my life was devastated, I felt empty and broken. I felt a wave of despair rising inside me, killing me every second as I walked to face the night sky in my home rooftop. I shouted in rage and despair. ‘why me…?’

I never expected something amazing to happen in a short while that would change everything, fortunately, it did happen.

To be continued..

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