Dear Taylor Swift, Save My Roommate from listening to Kidz Bop
I’m in college.
My roommate is Philip: a Mexican wannabe hipster who sings in the shower, listens to vinyl on his record player, and leaves half eaten bowls of ramen in the sink unattended for days.
He is in a crisis.
Not because he decided to use every available surface of our room as a drying rack for his clothes. Not because he doesn’t have enough room to practice his newfound talent for swing dancing in our closet-of-a-dorm. And not becuase his bed is too much of a struggle to get into at night, and the floor seems like a perfectly good option to him.
Philip is in a crisis because he as resorted to belting out Kidz Bop as loud as he can.
Not becuase he loves Kidz Bop, but becuase he loves you, Taylor Swift.
Philip, being the college student that he is, uses spotify.
Unfortunately for Philip (and now me), you are no longer on Spotify. In place of you, Taylor Swift, Philip now listens to a chorus of multicultural children lip-singing your songs. Now don’t get me wrong, those kidz are highly skilled in the art of jumping up and down and singing songs that they should probably not be singing. (Oh but it’s cute when little kids quote Fetty Wap, right?) NO IT’S NOT. (Ok maybe a little). But, I can only take Kidz Bop for so long.
Now Taylor, I tried to “Shake It Off” like your said. I really did. But I can’t take it anymore. Please Taylor Swift, I’m begging you. Help my roommate stop listening to Kidz Bop. Come back to spotify, not only for your millions of fans, but for Philip. Save Philip (and me) from Kidz Bop.
P.S. I’m sorry Philip. This is for your own good.