birthday?

I was 5 when birthday celebration was the most anticipated annual moment. Wearing party clothes, crowned with a colorful birthday hat, having the sweetest cake in town, and basking in the applause of loved ones — I eagerly looked forward to it year after year. But what once existed doesn’t always remain. One by one, those components disappeared. No more birthday hat at age 7. No more party clothes at age 9. No more loved one applause at age 11. No more birthday cake at age 13.

As I entered secondary school, birthday celebrations took on a different meaning. My parents considered me old enough, birthdays became less about festivities. Instead, they were moments to be grateful and to wish for a long life. Although back then, I didn’t know the purpose of having a long life. But other uncertainties emerged as the years passed and more birthdays came.

At 17, I didn’t know which college major to choose. At 18, I was uncertain about which university truly suited me. At 19, I questioned whether the major I was pursuing aligned with my interests. At 20, I wondered why my achievements still lagged behind peers of the same age. At 21, I felt lost, unsure of my purpose in life and what lay ahead.

I am increasingly convinced of the meaning of birthdays. It’s no longer just about parties; it’s primarily about self-growth. The truth is, not knowing and uncertainty are a process of learning and understanding oneself. It’s perfectly normal because there’s no guidebook for adulthood. No one tells you everything because, in reality, everyone is in the same learning phase during their journey to maturity.

In your upcoming birthdays, nothing will change. You’ll always be you, accompanied by all the uncertainties that inherently accompany humans, whenever it may be. On your next birthday, if there are any party clothes, birthday hats, cakes, or applause, they are merely symbols — a way for you to pause and savor the moment.