Sports Movie Scouting Report: Bobby Boucher
Sports movies aren’t just movies. They’re valuable pieces of game film that sometimes are all scouts have to review some of history’s greatest athletes. In this series, we will provide scouting reports on some of your favorite sports movie studs based solely on their limited tape. For this report, we will be rating LB Bobby Boucher from The Waterboy.
Name: Bobby Boucher Nickname: “The Waterboy” Position: MLB
College: South Central Louisiana State Height: 5'10" Weight: 185lbs Age: 31
40-YD Dash: 4.87 sec Bench Press: 14 reps Vertical Jump: 22 inches
Size/Strength: 4
Shockingly similar physical build to both former All-Pro QB Paul Crewe and hockey player turned golf superstar Happy Gilmore. Bobby Boucher is not overly strong or fast and is not big by any stretch. That being said, he’s definitely no needledick.
Mental Makeup: 5
To put it nicely, Boucher isn’t exactly the sharpest pipet in the water purification kit. To put it not nicely, this tractor-driving backwoods buffoon should not be given a playbook longer than 1–3 pages. Oh, and don’t expect him to be reading the play pre-snap. Bobby doesn’t so much analyze the offense before the ball is snapped as he does throw an epic temper tantrum that includes hallucinations, deep inner-monologues, and intense rage. You do not want this guy leading your huddle on D.
Instincts/Recognition: 1
“See the ball, ANNIHILATE THE BALL AND SEND WHOEVER IS CARRYING IT DIRECTLY TO THE GREAT BEYOND.” That is Bobby Boucher’s only impulse on the gridiron. So yes, it’s safe to say his instincts are solid for a linebacker.
Tackling: 1
I can put this only one way: In my long, distinguished scouting career, Bobby Boucher is the meanest MFing hitter I’ve ever seen, period. He honestly makes Gary Bertier and Luther “Shark” Lavay look like Pop Warner punks. This dude obliterated his own quarterback at practice, laid out his science professor during a lecture, and has concussed somewhere in the neighborhood of 75% of the southeastern United States! If there are three things in sports that I know for certain, it’s: 1. The best position in sports is Long Snapper, period. 2. Terrible free-throw-shooting 7-footers should always decide to try them granny-style, and most importantly, 3. If you see Bobby Boucher running at you, assume the fetal position and say your freaking prayers.
Versus the Run: 1
Boucher has that rare “if you’re standing on the football field, no literally, ANYWHERE on the football field, he will find you” type of range that is essential for a Hall of Fame middle linebacker. Whether it’s a sweep or an end around, or even if there’s a guy on the bench randomly holding a ball, Boucher will get to him and open a can of whoopass.
Versus the Pass: 3
In all of Bobby’s tape, there’s not a single play where he drops into coverage. When it comes to #9, it’s straight up blitz or bust.
Bottom Line:
South Central Louisiana State superfan Farmer Fran once described Boucher by excitedly mumbling “Hem dibbit cang libbitydibbity mah hemdamly” and frankly I have to agree — Bobby Boucher’s tenacity and, for lack of a better phrase, pure savagery on the football field is truly beyond words. Though he was only a freshman last year, he’s already 31 years old so while his ceiling his high, his career is guaranteed to be short. I’d say his best NFL comparison would be “extra dirty late-career John Lynch.” I would caution teams about using any draft pick higher than a 7th rounder on him, but this guy holds grudges and doesn’t let past slights go very easily. So if you pass on him, watch your friggin’ back. He’ll come for you.
