D Team extends perfect record with 61–11 “win”

To whom it may concern: This article is pure satire and in no way should be taken seriously. Much like this team.

The D-Team extended its all time perfect record Thursday night with a 61–11 
“win”, though the squad technically moved to 0–2 on the season according to TCU IM officials.

Power forward Bennett Mercer and point guard James Herz each had yet another banner night, each recording their second consecutive absences of the season. The two finished their nights yet again with impressive lines of 0/0/0/0.

“……….”, Mercer said. “………..”

The win was also highlighted by small forward Ryan Alley’s attempt to mix soccer with basketball, kicking up the ball on one sequence in the first half.

“I was trying to add a little spice to the game,” Alley may have said, we aren’t really sure. “One day I want to become a crossover of Michael Jordan and Lionel Messi.”

Guard Barrett Baledge did struggle in the win, sinking two quality three pointers and one layup for a total of eight points.

“I’m not really sure what happened. I could have cost my team the win if I had tried to impersonate Kobe any further,” Baledge might have said, who really knows.

Baledge did make up for his play however with a solid four fouls on the night.

The D team has a league leading and franchise record 11 points on the season through two games.

Sources have also confirmed that D-Team godfather Tom Reed, who took his talents to Tennessee in 2015, is very happy. Most likely.

“These guys are incredible. Way more fire than guys like Gerhardt and Mattingly ever played with,” Reed probably said, I mean it’s just a guess. “Maybe as good as the 2011–12 Bobcats.”

The team will get back to action next Thursday night in their quest to go “5–0” this year.